Just a note to let folks know that tomorrow (Saturday) at 10 AM I’m going to be speaking in Hopkinsville, Kentucky at Saints Peter and Paul Catholic Church at 902 E 9th Street.
Look forward to seeing anyone who can make it!
Prayer for Benkovics
The first time I tuned in to Johnette Benkovic’s show on EWTN I figured (like a true male chauvinist pig) that her "Living His Life Abundantly" program would focus on "women’s issues". I guess I expected her and the female guest to talk about, what, the family budget? How to keep the kids quiet during Mass? I quickly saw how wrong I was. I actually made myself late for work because I became so absorbed in their discussion about the culture of United Nations. I have watched a number of times since, appreciative of her faith, her perspective on cultural issues and her personal warmth.
Her husband has recently been diagnosed with a brain tumor, and she has cancelled personal appearances to be at his side. She is asking for our prayers.
THIS LINK to the story on Catholic Exchange gives more information, as well as an address to which may be sent cards or personal notes.
God Bless You and your family, Johnette, You are in our prayers.
Animal Precinct
You aspiring comic writers out there, here is an idea that just screams to be inked. The Mesa, Arizona police department is seeking funding for research into training monkeys to do police work.
In real life the monkeys would be used to unlock doors, or search rooms ahead of teams of human officers, but expanding on the concept wouldn’t be difficult.
GET THE STORY.
I’m not a writer, so I don’t know about story arcs and all that, but I’m pretty sure it should involve Kung-Fu. Now, go to it!
Like . . . Whatever!
Analogies and metaphors supposedly found in high school essays:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.
27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
NOTE!: Add your own humorous metaphors and similies in the combox!
Our Lady of the Underpass
Ordinarily, I don’t pay much attention to "sightings" of Mary in all manner of creation. It kind of reminds me of the child’s game of spotting pictures in clouds. That’s not a bad thing, per se, but certainly not something that should be taken seriously. So, when I saw this story about another such "sighting," I sighed and shrugged.
However, a reader over at Relapsed Catholic had a wonderful comment on the matter, also working in an observation about our new Pope:
"I saw a clip today of a young German woman being interviewed in Rome. I forget her exact words, but she indicated that the election of Benedict represents the redemption of Germany: the country that produced Hitler has now produced a Pope. What a neat thought! [Especially when one remembers that both men were born on Holy Saturday. –MA]
"You probably caught that ‘Our Lady of the Underpass’ story. I admit I tend to roll my eyes when people see the Blessed Virgin in pieces of toast and parking garage walls. However, lately I’ve been smiling at the idea of the Child Jesus scribbling pictures of Mommy all over — just because he can, you know?"
Have You Hugged Your Cardinal Today?
Well, perhaps a cheery letter of gratitude for the gift of Pope Benedict XVI will do.
Seriously, though, in making the rounds of St. Blog’s Parish, one gets the impression that there may be the idea floating about orthodox Catholic circles that the Holy Spirit is wholly and entirely responsible for the surprise election of Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger, perhaps anointing Cardinal Ratzinger pope ex nihilo.
It ain’t so.
The Holy Spirit surely provided the cardinals with the graces they needed to assist their prudential judgment, but he did not override any cardinal’s free will. It was each and every cardinal who voted for Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger who freely inked Ratzinger’s name onto the ballot. According to stories of the conclave that are beginning to emerge, the number of those cardinals may have been over one hundred on the final ballot — well above the number necessary for the two-thirds super-majority:
"Italian newspapers, considered to have the best inside track on events inside the secret meeting, agreed that Ratzinger garnered well over the two thirds, or 77, votes he needed from the 115 voting cardinals.
"Some suggested he won more than 100.
"The votes reflected the desire by the princes of the Church for an uncompromising and capable leader to face the myriad challenges of the 21st century."
I freely admit that I was apprehensive following the death of John Paul II, somewhat worried about who would emerge as our new Holy Father. Not wanting to be disappointed, I had completely eliminated Cardinal Ratzinger from the running and was rooting for Francis Cardinal Arinze, a conservative who appeared to be a "safer" choice for the cardinals. There were also a few other cardinals I had heard good things about and would have welcomed.
But the cardinals proved themselves men of courage and conviction, far exceeding my shallow expectations. For that, they deserve our gratitude and respect. It should also give us great hope for future conclaves years — prayerfully, many, many years — from now.
The Pope's Catholic?!
Great editorial by Gerard Baker of the London Times:
"What has been most enjoyable about the stunned reaction of the bulk of the media to the election of Pope Benedict XVI has been the simple incredulousness at the very idea that a man such as Joseph Ratzinger could possibly have become leader of the universal Church.
"Journalists and pundits for whom the Catholic Church has long been an object of anthropological curiosity fringed with patronising ridicule have really let themselves go since the new pontiff emerged. Indeed most of the coverage I have seen or read could be neatly summarised as: ‘Cardinals elect Catholic Pope. World in Shock.’"
The Pope’s Catholic?!
Great editorial by Gerard Baker of the London Times:
"What has been most enjoyable about the stunned reaction of the bulk of the media to the election of Pope Benedict XVI has been the simple incredulousness at the very idea that a man such as Joseph Ratzinger could possibly have become leader of the universal Church.
"Journalists and pundits for whom the Catholic Church has long been an object of anthropological curiosity fringed with patronising ridicule have really let themselves go since the new pontiff emerged. Indeed most of the coverage I have seen or read could be neatly summarised as: ‘Cardinals elect Catholic Pope. World in Shock.’"
Holy Coincidences
If you can stand any more holy coincidences from this past extraordinary month, I’ve got a few more for you:
On Tuesday as I was getting ready for work, I glanced at my calendar to see if there was any saint this week to whom I could pray for the conclave. I saw St. Anselm for April 21, sent up a quick prayer, and promptly thought no more about it. Today at Mass, Father mentioned that St. Anselm was a Benedictine. After glancing through his online biography, I note that he was also a theological writer (indeed, eventually, a Doctor of the Church) and a counselor to Popes Gregory VII and Urban II.
Hmmm.
Then it occurred to me that our new Pope will be installed this Sunday, April 24, the fifth Sunday of Easter. For the fifth Sunday of Easter, the Gospel reading will be on Christ’s declaration that he is the Way, the Truth, and the Life; something that Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger firmly upheld in the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith’s document Dominus Iesus. But if April 24 hadn’t been an Easter Sunday, would there have been a saint’s memorial that day?
Yes. Please meet St. Fidelis of Sigmaringen, born in Germany, martyred in Switzerland while preaching to the Calvinists and Zwinglians, canonized by Pope Benedict XIV. According to the Patron Saints Index linked above, among the symbols used to represent him are "a club set with spikes; … a whirlbat; heretics; … [and] Saint Joseph of Leonissa." He’s commonly pictured "trampling on ‘Heresy’; with an angel carrying a palm of martyrdom; [and] the Morning Star."
Lastly, here’s the money quote attributed to St. Fidelis:
"Woe to me if I should prove myself but a halfhearted soldier in the service of my thorn-crowned Captain."
"Remember The Alamo!"
That was a battle cry 169 years ago in the Battle of San Jacinto (san hah-sin-tah), the decisive battle for Texan Independence from Mexico.
The battle cry was uttered by the renowned Gen. Sam Houston (who later had a town named after him) and Darth Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, who was the villain of the Alamo Massacre.
"Remember the Alamo!" wasn’t the only battle cry of the day, though. "Remember Goliad!" also was.
Darth Santa Anna had also been in charge of the massacre at Goliad, at which he’d ordered all prisoners put to death.
And thus it was with the memory of these two massacres that the valiant Texican warriors of San Jacinto went forth to win their independence.
Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad!