Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

Like . . . Whatever!

Analogies and metaphors supposedly found in high school essays:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

26. Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

27. She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

28. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

NOTE!: Add your own humorous metaphors and similies in the combox!

The Pope's Catholic?!

Great editorial by Gerard Baker of the London Times:

"What has been most enjoyable about the stunned reaction of the bulk of the media to the election of Pope Benedict XVI has been the simple incredulousness at the very idea that a man such as Joseph Ratzinger could possibly have become leader of the universal Church.

"Journalists and pundits for whom the Catholic Church has long been an object of anthropological curiosity fringed with patronising ridicule have really let themselves go since the new pontiff emerged. Indeed most of the coverage I have seen or read could be neatly summarised as: ‘Cardinals elect Catholic Pope. World in Shock.’"

GET THE STORY.

“Remember The Alamo!”

San_jacintoThat was a battle cry 169 years ago in the Battle of San Jacinto (san hah-sin-tah), the decisive battle for Texan Independence from Mexico.

The battle cry was uttered by the renowned Gen. Sam Houston (who later had a town named after him) and Darth Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, who was the villain of the Alamo Massacre.

"Remember the Alamo!" wasn’t the only battle cry of the day, though. "Remember Goliad!" also was.

Darth Santa Anna had also been in charge of the massacre at Goliad, at which he’d ordered all prisoners put to death.

And thus it was with the memory of these two massacres that the valiant Texican warriors of San Jacinto went forth to win their independence.

GET THE STORY.

Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad!

"Remember The Alamo!"

That was a battle cry 169 years ago in the Battle of San Jacinto (san hah-sin-tah), the decisive battle for Texan Independence from Mexico.

The battle cry was uttered by the renowned Gen. Sam Houston (who later had a town named after him) and Darth Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna, who was the villain of the Alamo Massacre.

"Remember the Alamo!" wasn’t the only battle cry of the day, though. "Remember Goliad!" also was.

Darth Santa Anna had also been in charge of the massacre at Goliad, at which he’d ordered all prisoners put to death.

And thus it was with the memory of these two massacres that the valiant Texican warriors of San Jacinto went forth to win their independence.

GET THE STORY.

Remember the Alamo! Remember Goliad!

A Layman Pope?

I’m writing this note before the conclave, and it’s likely to be moot by the time it goes up on Thursday, but here goes.

A reader writes:

i am practicing catholic from india. your statement that a layman could become a pope is very confusing i am a married person with 2 children do you think that i could become a pope if 2/3rd of the cardinals vote me as the pope. more over which cannon law allows a person who has not taken celebecy to become a pope. we also request that you dont make such irresponsible statements about the catholic faith which is followed by millions of catholics in the world

I appreciate your concern for accuracy and for not misleading the faithful, but I think that there has been a bit of a miscommunication here.

Any discussion of the possibility of a layman being elected pope in this day and age is purely hypothetical. There is basically no chance whatsoever that this would happen in today’s environment. For the sake of accuracy, though, I note that it is a hypothetical possibility.

Canon law expressly provides for the situation in which a non-bishop is elected pope. It says that if a non-bishop is elected pope then he is to be consecrated as a bishop immediately. This provision of canon law does not restrict the election of a pontiff to priests. It simply refers to him not being a bishop. Therefore, he could be a priest, a deacon, or a layman.

There is also nothing in canon law or other lay preventing the cardinals from electing a man who is married or has children. They would never do so in real life at this point in Church history, but there is nothing in canon law stopping them from doing so. If they really felt that a married layman with kids was the best person to lead the Church, they are empowered to elect such a person.

Indeed, in Universi Dominici Gregis, John Paul II exhorted them, saying:

Rather, having before their eyes solely the glory of God and the good of the Church, and having prayed for divine assistance, they shall give their vote to the person, even outside the College of Cardinals, who in their judgment is most suited to govern the universal Church in a fruitful and beneficial way [SOURCE].

There are no restrictions on that. The only restrictions that would exist would be one that of their nature prevent one from being consecrated a bishop. That means that women could not be elected (or that such an election would be invalid), but it is possible in principle–even though it is rare in the Latin church–to be married still receive holy orders.

Indeed, Scripture seems to indicate that the first pope was that way.

So if the cardinals did give you a two-thirds vote, you would be validly elected pope.

I think you have nothing to fear in regard to this possibility, though. It would be very foolish for the cardinals to elect any layman today, for it would be very, very bad for the Church. Consequently, they will not do so.

Confession Validity

A reader writes:

Prior to my Confirmation a year ago, I had not attended mass regularly until about 2 months before Confirmation. On the Saturday morning prior to Confirmation, I made my first confession in about 8 years. I was very nervous, and not entirely sure what I was doing, but I told the priest the sins that I remembered. After finishing my mental list, I ended with the word’s "And I am sorry."

Right after saying those words, I remembered another mortal sin that I had not listed, but the priest began to speak and I simply remained silent and let him talk. After hearing his advice, praying the Act of Contrition, and hearing him say the words of absolution, I left the confessional without mentioning what had come to mind. Based on your blog, you seem to know Canon law extremely well. Please tell me if this confession was valid.

Based on what you have said, it sounds as if it was.

What is required for the validity of confession is that we make what is known as a "formally complete" or "formally integral" confession. This means that we made a good faith effort to be complete and did not deliberately hold back something that we knew that we should confess.

Ideally, we also want to make a "materially complete" or "materially integral" confession, but often this is not possible due to one or a number of reasons, such as forgetfulness or uncertainty about what needs to be confessed.

There also are situations in which the standard moral theologians would recognize that an excusing cause from making a materially integral confession due to the interpersonal dynamic between the confessor and the penitent.

Once the confessor has taken control of the exchange there is psychological pressure on the penitent to keep his mouth shut and let the confessor talk. That’s part of the turn-taking behavior humans use to have conversations with each other (as opposed to monologue-ing), and it is reinforced in the confessional by the authority of the priest and the sacredness of the moment, and the feelings of humility and vulnerablity that the penitent has just generated in himself by confessing.

As a result, once the priest has started doing his thing, it can take extraordinary strength of resolve to interrupt him, stop him, and mention something that one has just remembered. The human thing to do is to simply let him finish.

Now here’s the deal: We are only called to participate in the sacraments "in a human manner" or in modo humano. We are not called upon (in non-emergency circumstances) to do anything extraordinary. The ordinary human thing is sufficient.

Therefore, if the priest has already taken control of the exchange and you suddenly remember something, there is not an obligation to confess it at that moment in order for the sacrament to be valid. If the priest gives you an opening, by all means do, of course, but if he does not then you have still made a formally integral confession in that you made a good faith effort to confess what you were supposed to, even though circumstances (your memory lapse couple with his taking control of the exchange) prevented you from making a materially integral one.

The thing to do is simply let him proceed and mention the unconfessed sin in your next confession–or the next one where you remember it and know you are obligated to confess it, at any rate.

Since you mention that this confession was preparatory for your confirmation, let me take a moment to reassure you about something else you may be wondering: Whether this confession was valid or not, your confirmation was valid. Being in a state of grace is needed for a confirmation to be licit (celebrated in conformity with the law) but it is not necessary for it to be valid (for it to imprint your soul, etc.). Therefore, even your confession had been invalid, your confirmation would still be valid.

It sound to me, though, that you made a good faith effort, based on what you knew and felt at the time, to confess what you were supposed to, and thus your confession would be valid.

20

Hillary: Less Than Advertised?

HillaryHillary Clinton is being treated as if she’s a political supergenius.

Y’know, you hear all those stories in the press about how she’s "cleverly repositioning" herself to fool voters into thinking that she’s not a shieking, hard-left harpy in anticipation of the 2008 elections, in which she will be a virtually unstoppable juggernaut because she’ll have pulled the wool over the American public’s eyes so completely that we won’t remember she was ever a hard-left harpy and won’t notice all the hard-lefties supporting her in 2008 giving each other all the "wink, wink, nudge, nudge" signs as she says things to further her non-hard-left harpy image.

What a supergenius politician!

OR IS SHE?