Howdy, folks!
Just an operations note.
I had a business meeting until late last night, and didn’t have time to prepare my usual slate of blog entries. As a result, today will be a light blogging day on my part. My co-bloggers will still be here, but I’m afraid that my contributions today will have be "encore posts" from last year.
Enjoy!
Starting captions:
Google says that these prayers show up on 512 different Internet sites, so count this one as #513.
I have no idea where these come from or if these are at all authentic, but they’re still funny and charming, so here goes . . .
1. Dear God,
please put another holiday
between Christmas and Easter.
There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda
2. Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother
but what I asked for was a puppy.
I never asked for anything before.
You can look it up.
Joyce
3. Dear Mr.
God,
I wish you would not make it so easy
for people to come apart
I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet
4. God,
I read the bible.
What does beget mean?
Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison
5. Dear God,
how did you know you were God?
Who told you?
Charlene
6. Dear God,
is it true my father
won’t get in Heaven
if he uses his golf words in the house?
Anita
7. Dear God,
I bet it’s very hard for you
to love all of everybody in the whole world.
There are only 4 people in our family
and I can never do it.
Nancy
8. Dear God,
I like the story about Noah
the best of all of them.
You really made up some good ones.
I like walking on water, too.
Glenn
9. Dear God,
my Grandpa says you were around
when he was a little boy.
How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis
10. Dear God,
do you draw the lines around the countries?
If you don’t, who does?
Nathan
11. Dear God,
did you mean for giraffes
to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma
12. Dear God,
in bible times,
did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer
13. Dear God,
how come you did all those miracles
in the old days and don’t do any now?
Billy
14. Dear God,
please send Dennis Clark
to a different summer camp this year.
Peter
15. Dear God,
maybe Cain and Abel
would not kill each other so much
if they each had their own rooms.
It works out OK with me and my brother.
Larry
16. Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring,
but it never did come yet.
What’s up? Don’t forget.
Mark
17. Dear God,
my brother told me about
how you are born
but it just doesn’t sound right.
What do you say?
Marsha
18. Dear God,
if you watch in Church on Sunday
I will show you my new shoes.
Barbara
19. Dear God,
is Reverend Coe a friend of yours,
or do you just know him through the business?
Donny
20. Dear God,
I do not think anybody
could be a better God than you.
Well, I just want you to know that.
I am not just saying that because
you are already God.
Charlesv
21. Dear God,
it is great the way you always
get the stars in the right place.
Why can’t you do that with the moon?
Jeff
22. Dear God,
I am doing the best I can.
Really !!!!
Frank
And, saving the best for last .
23. Dear God,
I didn’t think orange went with purple
until I saw the sunset
you made on Tuesday night.
That was really cool.
Thomas
[NOTE FROM JIMMY: Actually, my personal favorite was #20, but the sunset one obviously impressed the anonymous author of the list more. #2 and #5 were personal favorites as well.]
Google says that these prayers show up on 512 different Internet sites, so count this one as #513.
I have no idea where these come from or if these are at all authentic, but they’re still funny and charming, so here goes . . .
1. Dear God,
please put another holiday
between Christmas and Easter.
There is nothing good in there now.
Amanda
2. Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother
but what I asked for was a puppy.
I never asked for anything before.
You can look it up.
Joyce
3. Dear Mr.
God,
I wish you would not make it so easy
for people to come apart
I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet
4. God,
I read the bible.
What does beget mean?
Nobody will tell me.
Love Alison
5. Dear God,
how did you know you were God?
Who told you?
Charlene
6. Dear God,
is it true my father
won’t get in Heaven
if he uses his golf words in the house?
Anita
7. Dear God,
I bet it’s very hard for you
to love all of everybody in the whole world.
There are only 4 people in our family
and I can never do it.
Nancy
8. Dear God,
I like the story about Noah
the best of all of them.
You really made up some good ones.
I like walking on water, too.
Glenn
9. Dear God,
my Grandpa says you were around
when he was a little boy.
How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis
10. Dear God,
do you draw the lines around the countries?
If you don’t, who does?
Nathan
11. Dear God,
did you mean for giraffes
to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma
12. Dear God,
in bible times,
did they really talk that fancy?
Jennifer
13. Dear God,
how come you did all those miracles
in the old days and don’t do any now?
Billy
14. Dear God,
please send Dennis Clark
to a different summer camp this year.
Peter
15. Dear God,
maybe Cain and Abel
would not kill each other so much
if they each had their own rooms.
It works out OK with me and my brother.
Larry
16. Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring,
but it never did come yet.
What’s up? Don’t forget.
Mark
17. Dear God,
my brother told me about
how you are born
but it just doesn’t sound right.
What do you say?
Marsha
18. Dear God,
if you watch in Church on Sunday
I will show you my new shoes.
Barbara
19. Dear God,
is Reverend Coe a friend of yours,
or do you just know him through the business?
Donny
20. Dear God,
I do not think anybody
could be a better God than you.
Well, I just want you to know that.
I am not just saying that because
you are already God.
Charlesv
21. Dear God,
it is great the way you always
get the stars in the right place.
Why can’t you do that with the moon?
Jeff
22. Dear God,
I am doing the best I can.
Really !!!!
Frank
And, saving the best for last .
23. Dear God,
I didn’t think orange went with purple
until I saw the sunset
you made on Tuesday night.
That was really cool.
Thomas
[NOTE FROM JIMMY: Actually, my personal favorite was #20, but the sunset one obviously impressed the anonymous author of the list more. #2 and #5 were personal favorites as well.]
JUST RELEASED TODAY!!!
HIGHLIGHTS:
Plus!
Also, this season feature’s the much-beloved Sharona’s last episode (for now!) and the introduction of Monk’s new assistant, Natalie. If you’re a Natalie fan, be sure to get this season so you can obsessively document her arrival on the show. If you’re a Sharona fan, be sure to get it so you can obsess about the good times we had when Sharona was here. If you’re a fan of both Sharona and Natalie, get it so you can obsess about both!
Last week a co-worker sent around an email with an evil .pdf file attachment of an amazing article from Sports Illustrated. Happily, I was able to find the article reproduced on the Internet. The world’s strongest dad, in case you were wondering, is not a muscle-bound Mr. Olympian who happens to have a couple of kids. He’s a 65-year-old Massachusetts man named Dick Hoyt who has spent the last quarter-century competing with his wheelchair-bound son in marathons, climbing mountains with his son on his back, and towing his son in a dinghy in swimming competitions:
"[A]fter a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out [on his computer], ‘Dad, I want to do that.’
"Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ‘porker’ who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. ‘Then it was me who was handicapped,’ Dick says. ‘I was sore for two weeks.’
"That day changed Rick’s life. ‘Dad,’ he typed, ‘when we were running, it felt like I wasn’t disabled anymore!’"
And so Hoyt kept giving his son that physically-liberating experience by continuing to take his son on sporting adventures. Rick Hoyt has given back to his father by keeping his dad in such great shape that the senior Hoyt survived a heart attack doctors told him he might not have survived without the strength he’d gained from exercising. Rick does have one wish though:
"’The thing I’d most like,’ Rick types, ‘is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.’"
GET THE (LIFE-AFFIRMING) STORY.
There are those who would say that Rick Hoyt’s severe physical disabilities meant that his life wasn’t worth living. Dick and Rick Hoyt have proved them wrong. And that’s how we’ll rebuild the Culture of Life:
One family at a time.
Last week a co-worker sent around an email with an evil .pdf file attachment of an amazing article from Sports Illustrated. Happily, I was able to find the article reproduced on the Internet. The world’s strongest dad, in case you were wondering, is not a muscle-bound Mr. Olympian who happens to have a couple of kids. He’s a 65-year-old Massachusetts man named Dick Hoyt who has spent the last quarter-century competing with his wheelchair-bound son in marathons, climbing mountains with his son on his back, and towing his son in a dinghy in swimming competitions:
"[A]fter a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out [on his computer], ‘Dad, I want to do that.’
"Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ‘porker’ who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. ‘Then it was me who was handicapped,’ Dick says. ‘I was sore for two weeks.’
"That day changed Rick’s life. ‘Dad,’ he typed, ‘when we were running, it felt like I wasn’t disabled anymore!’"
And so Hoyt kept giving his son that physically-liberating experience by continuing to take his son on sporting adventures. Rick Hoyt has given back to his father by keeping his dad in such great shape that the senior Hoyt survived a heart attack doctors told him he might not have survived without the strength he’d gained from exercising. Rick does have one wish though:
"’The thing I’d most like,’ Rick types, ‘is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.’"
GET THE (LIFE-AFFIRMING) STORY.
There are those who would say that Rick Hoyt’s severe physical disabilities meant that his life wasn’t worth living. Dick and Rick Hoyt have proved them wrong. And that’s how we’ll rebuild the Culture of Life:
One family at a time.
You were born, and so you’re free.
So happy birthday.
Thus says the lyrics to the song "Born, Never Asked" by Laurie Anderson (left), who was born today–July 5–in 1947 (in the midst of the Roswell Incident, which might explain a good number of things about her).
Anderson is a performance artist and musician who was born in Illinois but these days hangs out in NYC (from what I can tell).
I first became aware of her back in the early 1980s when her album Big Science made it big–or as big as an avant garde album can make it, I suppose.
I recently discovered that several of Laurie’s albums could be downloaded from iTunes, and so I’ve been revisiting and enjoying the stuff she did back in the ’80s.
Here music is . . . hard to describe. You know what they say: "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture."
Basically, her music alternates between several different styles. Some of it is just strange and atmospheric. Then there are toe-tapping numbers, alternately instrumental or vocal, that incorporate elements of Rock and Pop.
The most unusual aspect of her music isn’t the sound, though. It’s the lyrics. Laurie has realized something that many Rock and Roll artists have: The lyrics of a song don’t really have to mean anything. They can just evoke an image, a mood, or a feeling. She also has realized something that many Rock and Roll artists have not: It’s okay to sing your lyrics intelligibly.
As a result, her music reminds me of a line that Woody Allen delivers in Zelig, describing baseball: "You know it doesn’t have to mean anything, it’s just beautiful to watch."
That’s exactly the way I feel about Laurie Anderson’s music: It doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just pretty to listen to.
What she’s trying to do (so far as I can tell) is not get at any Deep Meanings but simply evoke certain moods and feelings that have qualities of mystery and beauty and humor and even warmth.
At times Laurie piles up interesting poetic images, as in this passage from her song "Let X=X" (flashback to math class!) in which she describes getting a postcard from a person who has betrayed one and is now twisting the knife and who then (apparently) gets his comeuppance. Notice the way the individual lines build up these impressions, even though nobody would really write a postcard like this in real life:
I got this postcard, and it read. . . . It said . . .
"Dear Amigo, Dear Partner,
"Listen, uh, I just wanna say thanks, so . . . thanks.
Thanks for all the presents.
Thanks for introducing me to the chief.
Thanks for putting on the feedbag.
Thanks for going all out.
Thanks for showing me your Swiss army knife.
Oh, and uh, thanks for letting me autograph your cast."Hug and kisses, XXXX OOOO
"Oh, yeah. P.S.: I feel like I’m in a burning building . . . and I gotta go."
This is a poetic abstraction of a phenomena we are all acquainted with. In our lives virtually everyone has the experience of being kind to someone ("thanks for all the presents, thanks for introducing me to the chief"), only to have that person take advantage of our kindness ("thanks for putting on the feedbag. thanks for going all out") and betray and even injure us ("thanks for letting me autograph your cast").
When that happens, we don’t want to see the person simply get away with it. We want to see them find out that the sweet things they stole have turned sour, and Laurie covers that as well ("I feel like I’m in a burning building"). Laurie thus evokes in poetic form an aspect of human experience that will resonate with the audience (or at least those who have lived long enough to experience betrayal).
Not all of Laurie’s lyrics have this serious dimension to them. Some are aimed at getting a laugh, as in this passage from the song "Talk Normal":
I came home today, and both our cars were gone.
And there were all these new pink flamingoes arranged in star patterns, all over the lawn.
And then I went into the kitchen. . . . And it looked like a tornado had hit.
And then I realized . . . I was in the wrong house.
Laurie occasionally comes up with a sentence that she is probably the first person in the history of the human race ever to utter. My favorite is this:
I dreamed I had to take a test in a Dairy Queen on another planet.
There can even be an apologetic dimension to her lyrics. Recently I was writing an article on heaven for This Rock and was tempted to quote one of her lines (from the song "Language Is A Virus"):
Paradise is exactly like where you are right now, only much . . . much . . . better.
If you’d like to check out some of her material, I’d recommend her albums Home Of The Brave and Mr. Heartbreak as good, accessible starting points. The music on these is more up-tempo and has a feel-good aspect to it. It still doesn’t mean much, but then it doesn’t have to. It’s just pretty to listen to.
Or download Laurie music:
Today, July 3 in 1947, Rancher Mack Brazel of New Mexico (left) was out riding with a neighbor kid and ran across a large amount of debris littering one of the fields on the Foster Ranch, where he was foreman.
A couple of days later, Brazel was in the little, nearby town of Corona where he reported his find to the sheriff.
Thus began a series of events that are now known as the "Roswell Incident."
The name Roswell got involved because Roswell is the nearest "big" town near Corona. It was also the location of an important Army Air Field that became important to the story. And there was a second debris field found near Roswell itself.
Strange things happened during this incident, including the detention of Mac Brazel for several days, following which he changed elements of his story.
He wasn’t the only one.
The Army initially put out a press release saying that they’d found the wreckage of a "flying saucer." Yes! That’s right! The Army really did claim to have found a flying saucer.
Of course, this was only two weeks after pilot Kenneth Arnold’s sighting that gave us the term "flying saucer." It wasn’t yet a fixed part of saucer mythology that they were from other worlds. At the time, many might reasonably have thought they were classified aircraft we or the Germans or someone had come up with in or immediately after WWII.
On the right is the front page of the Roswell Daily Record for July 8, 1947, with the lead story based on the Army press release. HERE’S A LINK TO THE TEXT.
The story was also carried by numerous papers around the world, including THE TIMES OF LONDON.
The saucer story was the government’s first account of what happened at Roswell.
But they immediately changed their story.
The government’s second story was that it was a weather balloon that had crashed. In Ft. Worth, Texas Brig. Gen. Roger Ramey (left) displayed alleged wreckage from the weather balloon.
The third story came out in 1994, when the government conceded that what crashed wasn’t a weather balloon. They still claimed it was a balloon, though–part of PROJECT MOGUL–a covert Cold War project using high-altitude balloons in an attempt to monitor distant nuclear tests being done by Russia.
GET THAT VERSION OF THE STORY.
That didn’t explain the "alien bodies" people reported seeing at Roswell, though.
Enter the fourth story: In 1997 the government issued a report, which claimed that the alleged alien bodies were really crash test dummies like the one pictured on the right, which was donated to and is on display at the Roswell UFO Museum.
Problem is: These dummies weren’t in use in 1947. They were in use something like ten years later. The Air Force has countered that the alleged witnesses’ memories suffer from "time compression"–that is, they’re misremembering when they saw dummies by almost a decade.
There are some fascinating theories about what happened at Roswell, including some that have nothing to do with aliens. One is really shaking up the UFO community right now. I’ll mention more about that in the near future.
In the meantime, the Roswell Incident continues to be debated and continues to have a strong presence in popular culture through countless movies, films, and books.
The real explanation for what happened is the stuff of which debates are made.
Fortunately, I happen to know what the Truth behind Roswell is.
