Category: Curios & Humor

  Daily Planet religion correspondent Media Halfways reports that Nilsson Publishers (A division of Nilsson/Schmilsson, a subsidiary of Rambling House) has announced the publication of a special edition of the Holy Bible that takes the inspiration for its cover from a recent issue of Time magazine.

The special Sola Scriptura edition features a mirror (made of lightweight reflective Mylar) affixed on the front cover, above the words "Bible Scholar of the Year".

Nilsson Publishers’ CEO Miles Blandish told the Daily Planet "This is part of an ongoing effort to give the Holy Scriptures new relevance by presenting them in a hip, culturally aware way that grabs the attention of the public. We realize that part of our mission is to stay current, to keep up with trends… to be phat and dope and poppin’ fresh.".

Time magazine recently revealed their "Man of the Year" issue for 2006, with a mirrored cover that reflects the reader’s face. Blandish admitted "Frankly, we were a little embarrassed that we hadn’t thought of this before. It fits in so well with the idea of Sola Scriptura… what we are saying with this cover is; Who should you really count on to interpret the Bible? The answer? It’s right there on the cover!… You! Why rely on someone else who might have it all wrong, when you can get it straight from the horse’s mouth?… so to speak.".

Nilsson publishes mainly for the Evangelical Christian market. Evangelical Protestants believe that the Scriptures alone are sufficient to answer any question of faith, and that any sincere believer can understand the Bible with the help of the Holy Spirit.

So, what does the Bible mean?… "Whoa, whoa!" Blandish answers when asked about the meaning of Scripture "… that’s not for me to say… you have to decide for yourself. The question is, what does it mean… to you?".

The Sola Scriptura edition is available at bookstores, or on the Nilsson/Schmilsson website, for the cost of one million Quatloos (hardback).

Famed Mississippi author William Faulkner may have won the nobel prize in literature for his novels, but he also worked as a script-writer for Hollywood.

In fact, he penned the screen adaptation of Raymond Chandler’s The Big Sleep, which is one of my favorite movies (as confusing as it is; I like the fact that the DVD has the uncut, unreleased, less-confusing version as well as the theatrical one).

The Big Sleep is film noir, so it’s dark and moody, but Faulkner also liked comedy. His favorite TV show toward the end of his life, apparently, was Car 54 Where Are You?

So what if Faulkner had tried his hand writing comedy for Hollywood? . . . like maybe the Three Stooges?

THE RESULT MAY HAVE BEEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS.

The link is to the story that won this year’s Faux Faulkner contest.

Screenwriter David Sheffield won this year’s Faux Faulkner contest by
imagining what it would’ve been like if William Faulkner — a Nobel
laureate known for thickets of challenging (often parenthetical) prose
— had written for the Three Stooges.

Faulkner’s niece, Dean Faulkner Wells, who has coordinated the parody contest for 15 years with her husband, Larry, said Sheffield’s script clearly stood out.

“What I cannot believe, from the hundreds and hundreds of entries we read, is that there could be something this fresh and this new and this funny,” she said. “This one was unique.”

Larry Wells thought “Pappy” would’ve liked seeing his highbrow style superimposed on the lowbrow Stooges.

MORE.
CHT: Southern Appeal.

ABOUT WILLIAM FAULKNER.

ABOUT THE THREE STOOGES.

Obi-Wan Kenobi once explained to Luke Skywalker that "many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view." What he meant was that the flat-out falsehood he had told Luke could actually be seen as a truth if looked at "from a certain point of view."

The same principle holds true in other areas of life.

So let’s look at some visual falsehoods generated by looking at things "from a certain point of view."

CHT to the reader who e-mailed!

From The Onion (yes! apparently they do manage to write something clean once in a while!) . . .

CAIRO—As the sun sets over Cairo, the streets are eerily quiet. Just a few years ago, the hillsides from Luxor to Giza would have been buzzing with the familiar sounds of tomb doors creaking open and bones snapping under the methodical shuffling of a slow, catatonic gait. But the telltale signs of Egypt’s indigenous mummy population have fallen silent recently, and the fearsome creatures that once lurched freely across the Valley of the Kings are disappearing at an alarming rate. If nothing is done, experts say, the Egyptian mummy will soon go the way of the Bavarian lycanthrope or the Transylvanian vampire, and vanish forever.

Afterlife Preservation Society president James Amarcas said he can recall a time when Egyptians did not have to go to a museum, but could look out their window and see an entire herd of shroud-wrapped forms staggering on missions of revenge.

"My grandchildren have still never seen a mummy," said Amarcas, who vividly recalls his first mummy sighting in 1947, when he was just 3 years old. "These terrible monsters are little more than a legend to them. It’s sad to think they might never see the bloodthirsty march of an undead Egyptian prince on a cool, calm night."

GET THE (HEARTBREAKING) STORY!

Somebody call Zahi Hawass!

I’d like to commend the thoughtful, fun-loving programmers at Overstock.com for offering a permalink to their general site error message, as it’s funny enough to be worth sharing.

There’s an urban legend that the machine depicted in this video is (a) real and (b) made largely of John Deere tractor parts and (c) now donated to the Smithsonian Institution. That’s not true. In reality, it’s a clip of a CGI vid that has been relabeled as part of the hoax. I just think it’s neat, though–and the building of this thing even virtually is pretty amazing in itself.

Non calor sed umor est qui nobis incommodat.
It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Ecce hora! Uxor mea me necabit!
Look at the time! My wife will kill me!

Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
The designated hitter rule has got to go.

Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare.
I think some people in togas are plotting against me.

Caesar si viveret, ad remum dareris.
If Caesar were alive, you’d be chained to an oar.

Quantum materiae materietur marmota monax si marmota monax materiam posit materiari?
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

(At a barbeque) Animadvertistine, ubicumque stes, fumum recta in faciem ferri?
Ever noticed how wherever you stand, the smoke goes right into your face?

Sona si Latine loqueris.
Honk if you speak Latin.

Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
If you can read this you’re over-educated

Mihi ignosce. Cum homine de cane debeo congredi.
Excuse me. I’ve got to see a man about a dog.

Si hoc signum legere potes, operis boni in rebus Latinus alacribus et fructuosis potiri potes!
If you can read this sign, you can get a good job in the fast-paced, high-paying world of Latin!

Gramen artificiosum odi.
I hate Astroturf.

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione.
I’m not interested in your dopey religious cult.

Noli me vocare, ego te vocabo.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

Nullo metro compositum est.
It doesn’t rhyme.

Non curo. Si metrum non habet, non est poema.
I don’t care. If it doesn’t have meter, it isn’t a poem.

Fac ut gaudeam.
Make my day.

Braccae illae virides cum subucula rosea et tunica Caledonia-quam elenganter concinnatur!
Those green pants go so well with that pink shirt and the plaid jacket!

Visne saltare? Viam Latam Fungosam scio.
Do you want to dance? I know the Funky Broadway.

Re vera, potas bene.
Say, you sure are drinking a lot.

Utinam barbari spatium proprium tuum invadant!
May barbarians invade your personal space!

Utinam coniurati te in foro interficiant!
May conspirators assassinate you in the mall!

Utinam logica falsa tuam philosophiam totam suffodiant!
May faulty logic undermine your entire philosophy!

Radix lecti
Couch potato

Mellita, domi adsum.
Honey, I’m home.

Tam exanimis quam tunica nehru fio.
I am as dead as the nehru jacket.

Ventis secundis, tene cursum.
Go with the flow.

Totum dependeat.
Let it all hang out.

Te precor dulcissime supplex!
Pretty please with a cherry on top!

Magister Mundi sum!
I am the Master of the Universe!

Fac me cocleario vomere!
Gag me with a spoon!

Te audire no possum. Musa sapientum fixa est in aure.
I can’t hear you. I have a banana in my ear.

Prehende uxorem meam, sis!
Take my wife, please!

Nihil est–in vita priore ego imperator Romanus fui.
That’s nothing–in a previous life I was a Roman Emperor.

Recedite, plebes! Gero rem imperialem!
Stand aside plebians! I am on imperial business.

Sic faciunt omnes.
Everyone is doing it.

Fac ut vivas.
Get a life.

Anulos qui animum ostendunt omnes gestemus!
Let’s all wear mood rings!

Catapultam habeo. Nisi pecuniam omnem mihi dabis, ad caput tuum saxum immane mittam.
I have a catapult. Give me all the money, or I will fling an enormous rock at your head.

CHT to the reader who e-mailed! Let the Latin nitpicking begin!

. . . STAN LEE’S PARTNER WAS JACK CHICK INSTEAD OF JACK KIRBY?

CHT to the reader who e-mailed!

It’s true!

The caped crusader and his sidekick arrested a suspected drug offender in Weymouth, Dorset.

THE STORY:

To the Batcave … Er … to Jail

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

FOX NEWS

What do you do if a couple of tipsy grown men in capes and skivvies show up at your door looking for a party?

If you’re a suspected drug offender and you happen to live in the U.K, you may as well just surrender, ’cause you’ve just been foiled by the Dynamic Duo. Seriously.

Two policemen dressed as Batman and Robin teamed up to conduct a sting operation of superheroic proportions in Weymouth, Dorset, The Daily Mail reports.

Apparently the pair pretended to be a couple of inebriated idiots looking for a costume party and knocked on the door of the suspect’s home.

When the occupants of the house saw the drunken duo and refused to answer, Batman and Robin made their way to the rear of the house, and seven uniformed officers came to the front door.

Thinking the cops were there to help, the occupants let them in to complain about the caped crusaders.

When the suspect got a sneaking suspicion that something was fishy, he bolted for the back door and was personally busted by Batman and his buddy.

"This was my first costumed acting experience," Sgt. Tony Smith said. "The Batman costume was quite comfortable and not too restricting. But it was difficult finding somewhere to put my CS spray. There was nowhere for the handcuffs, but then Batman does not need handcuffs."

The suspect was arrested and charged with a drug offense.

Thanks to Out There readers Marc B. and Chris T.

SOURCE.
(CHT to the reader who e-mailed!)

A while back I told everyone about A FEEL-GOOD FILM FOR TH WHOLE FAMILY (whose trailer is now on YouTube).

Now I’d like to let you know about what looks to be a chilling thriller of the first rank . . .

(CHT: Southern Appeal.)