Literary Stomach In A Bowl

PlanetxThis is just wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, WRONG!!!

I was horrified a while back when I was in a bookstore and saw on the shelf that there was an actual crossover novel between Star Trek: The Next Generation and the X-Men.

UGH!!!

This is the literary equivalent of KFC’s Infamous Stomach-In-A-Bowls!

I have nothing against Next Gen.

I have nothing against X-Men.

But I don’t want them jumbled together like this!

Yes, I know, in fits of unmitigated geeky uncoolness, fans of various series have produced reams and reams of fanfic doing franchise mashups like this.

That’s why God created the Internet.

How else would young teenagers explore the question of whether Worf or Wolverine would win a fight?

(I’m guessing that’s a prominent scene early in the book . . . and I’m guessing that they manage to fight each other to a draw . . . big surprise.)

But to have one of these things escape from the wild and actually make it into print . . . WHAT WERE THE RIGHTS-HOLDERS THINKING???

Particularly the rights holders for the Star Trek franchise. It strikes me that this stands to cheapen their brand more than Marvel Comics’.

Perhaps it was to indulge Michael Jan Friedman, who apparently writes many of the Star Trek novels and may be an X-Men fan on the side.

I don’t mind commercial tie-in literature based on popular media franchises. The stories in these series are  usually non-canonical (though not in Babylon 5 or Firefly). People enjoy them, and I respect that.

I don’t mind fanfic. I don’t read it, but I don’t mind that it’s out there. In fact, a lot of the stories told in world history have been the equivalent of fanfic–non-professional storytellers doing their own take on popular stories. I don’t know how many folks sitting around the fire have spun their own tales about Gilgamesh or Ahikar or Odysseus or Jason or Aeneas any of the other heroes of literature. All that’s fine and part of the human experience–a testimony to human creativity.

I don’t even mind crossovers, as long as they’re well done. I would not mind, for example, reading a novel in which Dracula met some other 19th century literary character, like Sherlock Holmes or the Invisible Man. (In fact, Alan Moore did a whole comic book series based on that idea, though I haven’t read it.)

But there has to be a "fit" between the two things you’re crossing over–at least if you’re intending to play the story for something other than laughs. Sure, Bambi meets Godzilla can give you a chuckle, but I really wouldn’t want to read a serious detective story in which Sherlock Holmes solves crimes alongside characters from Beatrix Potter’s universe.

And that’s the problem here.

The X-Men inhabit a comic book universe that plays by comic book rules, where only the slightest gesture is made toward real-world science and physics and character development and Star Trek . . . uh . . . well . . . um . . . nevermind.

I just hope they don’t make a movie out of this thing.

How would you tell Captain Picard and Professor X apart?

Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

73 thoughts on “Literary Stomach In A Bowl”

  3. Someone very near and dear to my heart actually has one of these, um, “novels”, I suppose you’d call them, lying around his house. I’ve never bothered to actually touch it, because then I’d have to cut off my hands and burn them, and new hands are always hard to legally acquire (it’s not like limbs grow on trees).
    I do not understand why, however, any editor in his right mind would ever consider allow such a Frankenstein’s Monster-esque, patchwork abomination to be put into print. I can only imagine that Satanic rituals, mass-suicides, murders, poisonings, and secret dealings with reclusive tribes of cannibal-pygmies in the darkest of African jungles went into getting this book published. I can fully say, without ever reading this “book”, that its author should be wrapped in the pages of his monstrosity and set alight. There’s no reason why people like this should be allowed to get money for writing what is essentially fanfiction of the worst sort, without having his body covered in third-degree burns. Perhaps the only not-bad thing about a “book” of this sort (and I say “not-bad”, being different from “good”) is that, unlike most God-awful fanfiction, it is approved by the copyright holder, meaning that the writing of it was not a morally aberrant crime (as is the case with all non-licensed fanfiction). Unfortunately, the writing of this “book” is still morally aberrant, if not technically a crime against the law, which means that the state can take no action to punish this man for the abhorrent horrors that he has unleashed upon the world through his deprecation of the writer’s art; and this fact is perhaps the strongest argument I have ever heard of in support for vigilante-style mob-justice.
    I am not arguing this position on the grounds that we be uncharitable towards this “author”; I am arguing this position on the grounds that justice must be served, and when a man commits High Crimes Against Literature (or as Mr. Akin once put it, “Crimes Against the Humanities”), then he should be made to suffer for it. We can still be charitable toward a man as we execute his death-sentence; God has absolute charity for all persons, even those wretched denizens of Sodom and Gomorrah, and he continued to have absolute charity for those Sodomites and Gomorrahians, right up to and ever after the time that he blew them to smithereens.
    In closing, I will say this; books such as The Communist Manifesto, The Red Book of Mao, Al Izif, Cultes des Goules and Tek War have wrought much evil in our world, yet none of them can hold a candle to — nor shake a stick at — this hybrid, chimera, malfeasant mess; this goggle-eyed, slack-jawed bastard-child of Satan and bad fanfiction; this unholy blemish upon the face of the cosmos that is a crossover between Star Trek: The Next Generation and the X-Men!
    Thus ends my little rant 🙂

  6. Jimmy,
    If you think that’s bad, ten years ago DC and Marvel did a crossover that created an alternate universe of Amalgamated characters! They published one-shot issues of such heroes as Super Soldier (Capt America mashed with Superman), Dark Claw (Wolverine mixed with Batman), and Iron Lantern.
    GET THE STORY

  7. Yes! I am in total agreement here. Crossover fiction is indeed the demonic work of the spawn of Satan and should be burned on great pyres in the public squares!
    (Can you tell I hate crossover fiction?)

  9. You want wrong, how about Next Gen / Animaniacs crossover fanfic?
    I stumbled across it on the web once and didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. Unfortunately now I can’t seem to locate the link.
    –arthur

  12. I agree, Jimmy. This is evil.
    See!!! This is what happens when you allow Ecumenism to run rampant and allow it to go to such an extreme in the Church!!!
    Now, the smoke of Satan has infected even our beloved Science Fiction as well and the integrity of the genre have been all but compromised and IT’S ALL BECAUSE OF VATICAN II!!! ;^)

  13. Okay, now that’s all gotten out of the way, does anyone remember the “What If?” films that actually came to be? Such as:
    AVP: Alien vs. Predator?
    Freddy vs. Jason?
    Also, like some have reported in the other posts, in the comic world, it’s not all that unique an event.
    I distinctly remember (for Anime Fans out there) there was once a cross between Robotech and Space Pirates (unfortunately)!

  14. Have you seen the “Star Wars Transformers” toys? I think they have one where Han Solo and the Millenium Falcon are the same…
    How can THAT be? Abominations every one!

  15. How can THAT be? Abominations every one!
    SEE!!!
    That’s what happens when you have people who are open, liberal, and accepting of everything as Santo Subito was! ;^)

  16. I couldn’t disagree with Jimmy more. This is the most creative idea since Mork made a guest appearance on Happy Days.
    I’d quite like to see a cross-over work between Battlestar Galactica and the crew from Brideshead Revistied.

  18. If you ask me, and no did, crossing Johnny Depp and Willie Wonka was the worst…ever!
    Take care and God bless,
    Inocencio
    J+M+J

  20. Huh. I missed the Amalgamated characters. But I don’t think I was collecting comics during that time period.
    DC and Marvel had crossovers before that, I had a giant format comic in which Superman and Spider-Man teamed up to battle Doctor Doom and the Parasite. Come to think of it, I might even have it at home. I’ll have to check.

  21. If you ask me, and no did, crossing Johnny Depp and Willie Wonka was the worst…ever!
    You said it, Innocencio!
    I still prefer Gene Wilder — th Original often remains the best in most cases!
    I guess since Depp did such an outstanding job as a Gay Pirate, the studios thought they would let him at it with Willie Wonka!
    Actually, he turned out rather demented in that role than anything else (granted, it was a Tim Burton film)! The factory seemed more like a nuthouse the way he played out that role.

  22. Esau,
    I was poking fun at Ed Peters who is a huge Johnny Depp fan.
    Beware his wrath…
    Take care and God bless,
    Inocencio
    J+M+J

  23. I was poking fun at Ed Peters who is a huge Johnny Depp fan.
    Hey, don’t get me wrong — I was one of his original going back to 21 Jumpstreet!

  24. Ummm….did you imply that there ARE Firefly novels which ARE canonical???
    Please….tell me more.

  25. How would you tell Captain Picard and Professor X apart?
    Hello?! The answer is obvious! When picard sits down in the wheelchair, he tugs on the bottom of his uniform.

  26. I couldn’t disagree with Jimmy more. This is the most creative idea since Mork made a guest appearance on Happy Days
    Oh, but it wasn’t a guest appearance. That was the first appearance of the Mork character anywhere, anytime, in all of God’s creation.
    Mork and Mindy was a spin-off. Of Happy Days. And people say Happys Days jumped the shark when Fonzie, uh, jumped the shark. No, it started with Mork.

  27. Mork and Mindy was a spin-off.
    I stand shamed and corrected, and a little concerned of Tim’s knowledge of late 70’s pop culture.
    I stand firmly by my Brideshead Gallactica idea however. Audiences want to see Lord Sebastian Flyte open up a can of Silon whoopin.

  28. My mum pointed this link out to me, and I just had to see.
    I’m eighteen and a veteran fangirl, and I have to say . . . *hangs head* I’ve written crossover fanfiction. Constantly. HOWEVER- and I say this as a way to avoid the flaming torches and pitchforks even now headed my way- I try to avoid writing incompatible universes into each other. I’m actually working on a story where the Invisible Man meets the Phantom of the Opera, and they have fantastic character interaction potential.
    But Star Trek and Doctor Who? *gnashgnashgnash* NOT. HAPPENING. Star Trek obviously happens on a parallel timeline; if the Federation existed, WITH their capability for time travel (as in that movie with the whales- what was it, “Voyage Home”?) they would have done something about the Time War, for heaven’s sake! And besides, I think the Doctor would have gotten a snicker out of taking his companions to see a future where everybody still dressed awfully ’60s, him being the snarky bastard that he is.
    And IF Star Trek exists on a parallel timeline, then the TARDIS clearly cannot go to it. We’ve seen parallel timelines in the show’s history before- heck, the current companion (Rose Tyler) gets accidentally LEFT in one, and the Doctor has to burn up a sun just to get the power to transmit a goodbye message!
    . . . sorry. Don’t like Star Trek very much. I would, however, like to see Captain Kirk face off with a Dalek.
    The X-Men and Star Trek is, if possible, an even worse idea than that. And yes, Wolverine would beat Worf. One word: adamantium.

  30. Personally I’m waiting for an official Star Trek/Babylon 5 crossover in which Vorlon ships take on Borg cubes.
    Oh, wait, that happened in Voyager’s fourth season premiere. Never mind.

  32. I stand shamed and corrected, and a little concerned of Tim’s knowledge of late 70’s pop culture.
    🙂 Hard as I try, I can’t convince my kids that Dad’s cesspool-of-useless-knowledge -ness is way cool.

  35. Harry Potter and the Justice League. *shudder*
    Wasn’t that “The Books Of Magic” by Neil Gaiman?

  36. Trek/B5 will never happen so long as there is a God above!
    I think that’s the worst idea since Greedo shooting first (H.T. to K.S. for that).
    Although I think a sci-fi/fantasy crossover has even more horror potential. Imagine LotR/Trek.. and tremble.

  38. Wesley Crusher on Little House on the Prarie.

    …Only if he immediately gets run over by a covered wagon and trampled to death by the horses.

  39. Quick question: who’s Worf?

    Are you kidding? Worf is the only Klingon in Starfleet, and one of the top three Next Gen characters (the other two being Picard and Data). He also carried over into several seasons of Deep Space Nine, making him in a way the most “successful” character in Trek history.

  40. *cough* Actually, the book wasn’t that bad; it was written as a followup to a comic book crossover set in the X-Man universe.
    Perhaps I simply don’t take Trek seriously enough? (If so, I blame it on DS9 and their heavy flavoring of it with a bad ep of Dark Shadows in the last season or two.)

  41. Johnny Depp was superb in WW, and Gene Wilder was Gene Wilder. btw, i like GW, mostly.
    COOL ED!!! ;^)
    Actually, I did rather enjoy Depp’s performance in Pirates (haven’t seen the sequel yet), which is why I made the remark the way I did in my previous post.
    I just didn’t enjoy his performance though in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (actually, when I first heard the title, I thought it might be the actual sequel to it vs. a remake). I guess it might perhaps be due to Gene Wilder’s performance being so spectacular in the original.

  45. “How would you tell Captain Picard and Professor X apart?”
    And I’m sure the tome will reveal that they are related in a *clever* in-joke twist. Which brings me to a pet peeve of mine:
    In-jokes, while they may be funny & cool if used correctly, should never, ever be plot points.

  46. I am shocked, shocked by the intolerance toward crossovers in general. I am proud that I wrote the world’s only X-Files/Lensmen crossover. Mulder and Scully were much happier as Galactic Patrolmen than FBI agents, I assure you.
    However, Next Gen/X-Men seems ill-conceived. Fortunately for me, I refuse to accept that Next Gen is even part of the Star Trek canon, which spares me any mental anguish on this point.
    Star Trek/Doctor Who crossovers long predate the existence of the Ninth and Tenth Doctors, and hence the Time Wars were not any problem whatsoever in them. I possess a copy of “The Doctor and the Enterprise”, in which the 4th Doctor visits with Captain Kirk and accompanies the Enterprise to Darkover… er, Lightunder. (Marion Zimmer Bradley was a lot more likely to make a stink about fanfic than Paramount or the BBC was, back in the day.)
    However, the longest-running Doctor Who crossover is that perpetrated by Mr. Gadzikowski, whose fanfic and webcomics have crossed the Doctor over with Star Trek, MASH, Buffy and Angel, Superman, the current BSG, and more shows than you can shake a stick at. He also has a webcomic with at least five different Arthurian universes running at once. (An offshoot of one is his fanfic series with the Buffy-like St. Pudentiana running around in ancient Rome battling evil elves.)
    It all makes sense if you do it right!

  47. However, Next Gen/X-Men seems ill-conceived. Fortunately for me, I refuse to accept that Next Gen is even part of the Star Trek canon, which spares me any mental anguish on this point.
    Maureen:
    Star Trek: The Next Generation is part of the Gnostic Gospels, I tell you!!! ;^)
    (…only kiddin’ folks!)
    (…or Am I???)

  48. If The Next Generation is not part of the cannon then the original set of Star Trek movies should not be either, since they have the funky looking Klingons and all.

  50. If The Next Generation is not part of the cannon then the original set of Star Trek movies should not be either, since they have the funky looking Klingons and all.
    Actually, J.R., you brought up a good point!
    In the original Star Trek movies, Klingons appeared very human compared to their modern counterparts, which could only be explained by that episode where Worf (having visited the original Starship in the “Trouble with…”), could only say: “We don’t talk about it” or something to that effect.

  52. I knew it was that Tribble-related episode, where they actually visited original Enterprise. I just couldn’t remember Worf’s exact remark: “We do not discuss it with outsiders.”

  53. Wait a second, if the crew of the Enterprise can do a Nazi crossover, then they can do a Nazi crossover where the people are mutants and are not all Nazis. (My logic is flawless).
    Anyway, here’s my bid for the ultimate crossover:
    Batman vs Aliens vs Predator vs Godzilla vs MST 3K vs Robocop vs Buffy vs Firefly vs Chesterton vs Hillary Clinton vs the Borg vs Martin Luther vs Manimal vs Blade vs the Harlem Globetrotters!
    Kewlest of kewl!!!

  54. I’m sure Darth Kitty, Pastel Lord of the Sith, could be worked into some crossover, somewhere…

  55. Wait a second, if the crew of the Enterprise can do a Nazi crossover, then they can do a Nazi crossover where the people are mutants and are not all Nazis
    StubbleSpark:
    They already did that, I believe, in the forgettable series “ENTERPRISE”!
    Actually, some of the Nazis were aliens, not mutants though… never mind.

  56. Wasn’t that “The Books Of Magic” by Neil Gaiman?
    LOL! That line was pure genius; good thing I wasn’t drinking anything when I read it!

  57. I have a button. It read, “Hello, Agent Mulder. I heard you’re looking for aliens. You can call me the Doctor.”
    My sister read it and predicted that such a meeting would cause the universe to explode.

  58. A few notes that I did not see.
    If my memory serves me right, I have seen two X-Men/ST crossovers. Both were in comic book form (Trade Paper backs).
    The first one was with the TOS the second one was with the Next Gen.
    I will have to see if my one friend still has them or not. It was about 10 years ago that they came out.
    -JM

  59. There was a big ‘X-Men/Star Trek’ crossover ‘event’ about a decade back. The two comic miniseries JM mentioned were part of that, as was the novel Jimmy blogged about. Yes, it’s been around for a decade. For some reason, someone decided to reprint it.

  60. As Matthew Martin says above, this came out in the early 90s. At the time, Michael Jan Friedman was writing both TNG novels and the TNG comic, which was published by DC. I used to subscribe, and people were always begging for a crossover with DC characters (BTW, He-man’s original appearance was in a short-lived DC miniseries which had two Superman crossovers).
    At the time, there was also a lot of buzz about X-Men (even though it’s a Marvel property), due to the Picard/Prof. X thing, and people were just starting buzz about the idea of an _X-Men_ movie with Stewart as Prof. X.

  61. The only crossovers worth reading: League of Extraodinary Gentlemen (Alan Moore’s series mentioned in the post). Of course if you enjoy that then you should (or should I say shouldn’t) read Mr Snicket’s wonderful (horrible, miserable, unfortunate) series. (I pre-read the first for my little sister and got hooked in the spot the literary figures game).

  62. On a change of topic from the above, thanks Jimmy for posting the Bambi Meets Godzilla link. (YouTube down at the moment.)
    I first saw it as a short before a feature film. No clue what the feature film was, but Bambi Meets Godzilla is now a favorite.

  63. Um. er. uh . . . Dare I confess that I am presently working on a crossover story wherein Superman meets The Shadow? The idea was to bring together two great pop culture heroes of yesteryear. I am deliberately going for a retro feel with this story in which our two heroes team up to beat a Nazi spy ring in 1938.
    Actually, I love the crossover motif and the “fish out of water” element” inherent in these stories. It’s fun to imagine how characters will react to a new universe in which all the rules are changed. I agree with Jimmy however, that there has to be some sort of plausible connection between the two fictional universes involved. My first ever “fanfic” story, which I wrote in graduate school for recreation, was a crossover story wherein Han Solo and Chewbacca meet the gang from Deep Space Nine.
    Having now confessed the appalling depths of his geekiness, he will now sit quietly in the corner, order a pocket protector, and push his glasses up his nose :).

  64. My first ever “fanfic” story, which I wrote in graduate school for recreation, was a crossover story wherein Han Solo and Chewbacca meet the gang from Deep Space Nine.
    So, when Han joined one of Quark’s regular after hours tongo games, who won (and where did Han get the latinum to play in the first place)? 😉

  65. “Imagine LotR/Trek… and tremble.”
    Tremble? Chris, I’ve read one! (There’s a reason fanfiction.net is called the Pit of Voles…)
    I don’t necessarily agree that all fanfiction is bad – come on, Jimmy, we’d have to scrap the “Divine Comedy” in that case, since it is arguable that Dante was writing “Aeniad” fanfiction (not to mention Real Person Fiction, complete with authorial self-insertion – luckily, Beatrice is no Mary Sue.) However, I stand by my comments that crossover fiction is Hades-inspired work of demons to pollute the sources of our rights as sub-creators by introducing implausibilities of so brain-melting a nature, we are only capable of watching TV reality shows from then onwards.
    I don’t even like the novels where Sherlock Holmes meets Annie Oakley or whomever, because I am very uncomfortable with putting real people into fiction, even if they are long dead and gone (God rest their souls). I particularly dislike the “Sherlock Holmes meets Jack the Ripper” sub-genre, as those were such horrific crimes it seems disrespectful to reduce them to a bit of shabby glamour for a novel plot.
    On the other hand, I don’t mind Sherlock Holmes meeting Count Dracula or Captain Nemo or the like, because that’s the meeting of two equally gigantic fictional characters. In that vein, I loved Kim Newman’s “Anno Dracula” (and discovered just how sad a vampire fiction geek I was, when I was able to identify all the obscure vampire characters mentioned).

  66. How about a “Justice League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Love Blondes Have More Fun With Dick and Jane?” And for good measure, throw in Jar Jar Binks and Jabba the Hutt doing a dance revue a la Gene Wilder and Peter Boyle in “Young Frankenstein”. They could sing “Puttin’ on the Sith”…..

  67. Sorry – that should be “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes…” Dang it – I hate it when I have to correct a joke.

  69. Actually, Dr. Who could cross-over into anything. As long as it’s pre-Time War Dr. Who (ie, through the 8th Doctor).
    I’ll accept any Dr. Who cross-over with the fourth doctor.

  70. Another crossover story worth reading is Silverlock, by John Myers Myers, a Beowulf/Robin Hood/Hucklebury Finn/Alice in Wonderland/Don Quixote/Moby Dick/Gulliver’s Travels/Old Testament crossover novel. Really. (Well, sort of).

  71. dear kevin,
    Cthulu is presently sleeping beneath the waves in dreamy r’lyeh, plotting our demise whilst sending psychic emmanations to distract us from realizing this fact.
    Prof. George Angell

  72. I’m almost afraid to post this–I may trigger a few apoplectic attacks!
    I mentioned this to my son the geek, and he actually has this novel. Don’t worry about the movie coming out; he says the book is “corny as he[ck].” Apparently it is one of a series–he’s only read the one. In that one, he assures me that there are no fights to a draw early on, but that at the end Wolverine and Worf amuse themselves battling holographic X-villains (presumably on the holodeck.)
    Take deep cleansing breaths, and count slowly to ten.

  73. well, i like crossover fanfiction if it is done well and the writers don’t break the second wall, the characters have to be believable to each’s respective canon.
    two writers that i can think that hold to this premise are..Albertg and don’t know the authour but the title is “crumpet aren’t my style”…The authour i mention and the story can be read on FF net.
    however, you are right…there is something ‘evil’ about it being in print for profit…EW
    crossover fiction needs to stay in Fanfiction on the net…thank you for your rant…have a good day.

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