Class, for today’s Journalism 101 lesson we’ll learn how to meet deadlines by plumping up odd incidents into gripping news events.
The story of a sick pelican crashing into a car may not seem to the layman to make for particularly interesting news. But on a slow news day you too can learn how to massage it into headline-worthy material. Let’s see…. How about saying the pelican was intoxicated and is now being held on suspicion of flying under the influence? But nobody would believe it! Or would they?
Calif. pelicans held on suspicion of being drunk
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) — "Four pelicans suspected of being drunk on sea algae were being tested at a Southern California wildlife centre on Saturday after one of them crashed headlong into a car.
"Three of the California brown pelicans were found wandering dazed in the streets of Laguna Beach after another pelican struck a vehicle’s windscreen on a nearby coast road.
"It suffered internal injuries and a long gash in its pouch and was undergoing toxicology tests.
"Officials at the Wildlife Care Centre said the seabirds may have been under the influence of algae in the ocean that can produce domoic acid poisoning when eaten."
And that, my young journalistic apprentices, is how you turn a Non-Story into a Story.
Oddly enough, when I was reading my Orange County Register this morning, I noted that the FRONT PAGE story was about these wayward pelicans and wondered how damn slow a news day was it that THIS made the headlines?
Good Lord, even Nicole and Keith’s wedding is bigger news than this!
In a related story, concerned pelicans met to discuss a legal prohibition against algae…
Yes, but Neil, the first thing these pelicans have to do is ADMIT that they have a problem.
Seagulls are no better, trust me . . .
Hah. I get the point, but there are nasty algaes out there, and if one is becoming a problem where people fish, I don’t think you’d want to eat what you catch. Lakes and ponds (and aquariums) and creatures that live from their water have suffered devastating effects from some algaes. One noxious kind also may have been linked to Parkinsons, actually. That, and the other things we already know it can do, has got aquarium keepers on edge.
That being said, we just discovered that we have some more cable channels recently. It’s not like us to watch much TV, but we stopped on a news channel and after a point, DH and I were thinking the same thing: “This isn’t news.”
Newspapers have to fill up column space, and TV outlets need something to fill in the time. Entertainment has its value but it seems to me that there are people out there who mistake being a news junkie with being a Well-Informed Citizen–they read anything and everything and spend hours on channels like CNN, and they think that it’s their civic duty to be like this.
DH and I looked at each other yesterday, thinking the exact same thing, when a segment came on telling us “Today the weather conditions are perfect for a nuclear missile test”. There you have non-news coupled with subject matter that is very serious–in order to make you think this was news–only nothing happened, and we knew that the chances were, nothing would happen.
I’m glad I’m not the only person who rolls my eyes at this.
I’m surprised the journalist didn’t make the obvious connection — the algae in question is surely a result of global warming and we must put an end to all industries in order to save the sobriety of pelicans.
…the pelican community called for extradition of the offenders so that they could be prosecuted under pelican law.
-El S.
Substance abuse in the animal kingdom! I would not be surprised is some special interest groups latch onto this as gay activists have with the supposed “lesbian” seagulls. For what purpose, though, I won’t dare to hazard a guess.