A reader writes:
Is it possible for a parent to un-do a godparent for a child? Here’s our scenario:
We asked a niece and a nephew (not siblings) to be godparents to our third daughter. My niece has responded nicely to being a godmother. She’s been faithful to the church and is an all-around good person. My nephew, on the other hand….
He’s turned out to be, well quite frankly, the southern end of a north-bound horse. He lives a lifestyle that is not becoming of what my wife and I agree with. Now, it’s not like we’re judgmental in the way other people act, I’m sure we have many faults, but the lifestyle he’s chosen is something we cannot condone. As much as I’d like to go into specifics, I realize you only have a few billion things to do and you don’t want our dirty laundry.
One of the biggest reasons I’m considering doing this, if possible, is the manner in which he treats his mother (my sister). Total disdain and disrespect. I don’t want my daughter to grow up and see her godfather treat his mother that way and think it’s okay.
If it’s possible to replace a godparent, what must we do?
Unfortunately, there is no canonical procedure for replacing a godparent or stripping him of his office. This is a little surprising since there have been lame, scandalous godparents ever since the institution was established.
In former days it was held that a spiritual relationship was established between the godparent and the godchild that was so strong and enduring that it served as an impediment to marriage, though this impediment no longer exists in canon law.
The fact that such a relationship was held to exist may be why no procedures for replacing godparents developed. If godparents are sufficiently understood on the model of actual parents then, just as you kinda gotta live with it if your actual parent is a dud then it might be inferred that you kinda gotta live with it if your godparent is a dud.
But even if godparents were understood as having relationships with their godchildren as unbreakable as those of parents, that does not mean that there is no way to address the situation, for when a parent proves fundamentally unable to care for his children then the children can be entrusted to another.
Thus it would be possible for you to tell the gentleman in question that until he shapes up he will not be able to function as the child’s godfather. You can then designate someone else to function as godfather and say, "Honey, Mr. Irresponsible isn’t able to serve as your godfather, so Mr. Responsible will be acting as your godfather instead."
I’d further note that I know that some current canonical opinion holds that, even though there is not a canonical procedure for replacing a godparent that it may be possible to go to the parish and have the baptismal registry annotated to reflect the new situation.
I’d like to have a more simple and definite answer for you on this one but, given the state of canon law on the subject, that’s a bit hard to do. At least there are ways to address the situation.
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Correct me if I’ve blundered here, but my understanding regarding godparents, or sponsors, is that there need be only one. Traditionally folks choose two, but I know of plenty people that choose one Catholic godparent and one Christian witness from a non-Catholic denomination.
Seems that if you have at least one serving as a good example of how to live the life, and can actually function as a sponsor, then you’re doing well. As for the nephew, you never know – a few years from now he may may have a total change of heart and even end up being a deacon.
Jimmy, from what is posted here of the questioner’s letter, it is not entirely clear if the Baptism has taken place yet. In case the Baptism has already happened (which I suspect is the case), your reply is a good one. If the Baptism is yet to take place, you certainly know the questioner is entirely free to get a different godfather for her child.
You’re correct, Fr. Stephanos. On a second reading, it is not 100% clear that the baptism has taken place. In that case, all that would be necessary is telling the guy that they’re picking someone else to be godfather.
My niece has responded nicely to being a godmother.
It sounds like the baptism has already been performed, but I could be misreading it.
My own experience is strange. My godfather was one of my brothers, and he later became a Jehova’s Witness. And as obnoxious as he was as a JW (he later left, is now merely a lapsed Catholic), it was an improvement over his previus lifestyle. Luckily for me I did not follow his behavior.
My current concern is being a Godfather myself. My friend blessed me last year by asking me to be Godfather to his son, and it truly is an honor. I think I’m a good Catholic role model, but I want to do more for my Godson. I rarely have the opportunity to see him – haven’t seen him, in fact, since the Baptism. They live 650 miles away. I want to be an active presence in his life. I’m sure I’ll have the opportunity as time progresses, but it does weigh on me quite a bit.
So what you’re saying then Jimmy is that there’s absolutely no way to undo the Godfather III?
Godparents, otherwise known as sponsors, accompany a person through the sacraments of Christian initiation.
We have preserved the practice of having at least one sponsor for the Baptism of an infant and one sponsor (not necessarily the same as at the Baptism) for the later Confirmation of that child as a teenager; however, we do not mention a sponsor for First Holy Communion, even though that is one of the sacraments of Christian initiation.
In the case of an adult receiving Christian initiation in one ceremony, the sponsor of that adult is present with that adult at that ceremony in which the adult receives all three sacraments.
Perhaps the questioner might consider designating his daughter’s original (Baptismal) godmother to be present as godmother at the girl’s eventual First Communion, but also designate someone new to be a godfather at her First Communion. At First Communion, there is no liturgical mention or role for the godparents. However, it would be most fitting for the Baptismal godparents to be present. If they are absent, there is nothing wrong with asking someone to serve in that “role.”
In the Philippines, the traditional custom was not to have a Best Man or a Maid of Honor chosen from the “age peers” of the groom and bride. Rather, the custom was to have a sponsor for the groom and a sponsor for the bride–sponsors chosen from the “peers” of the parents of the groom and bride. The new husband and wife would then always address their wedding sponsors with the cultural title for godparents.
A related question, just out of curiosity.
When our son was born, we were Anglican and had him baptized there, with my brother-in-law and his wife as godparents. They stood beside us and answered affirmatively to all the vows, photos were taken, cake was consumed, tra la la la.
Three years later, our daughter arrived, and we asked the same brother-in-law and his wife to be godparents again. They happily agreed, got dressed up for the rite, and cooed over the baby, but when it came time for the vows, they remained mute. Apparently in a fit of evangelicalism, they were under the impression that the Bible told them it was wrong to ever take a vow. They did not inform us of this prior to the ceremony. I was a bit horrified at the time, but didn’t wish to disrupt our daughter’s baptism, so I didn’t say anything. I was fairly certain that the baptism “took” even without them stating vows, but I was uncertain as to whether their refusal to reply to the questions posed by the priest meant they were not really godparents for our daughter?
A few months after the baptism, we enrolled in RCIA. When we were accepted into the Church, we asked our sponsors to also sponser our children into the church, and thus this other couple are now our children’s godparents. So it worked out all right for us. I’m just still curious as to the whole status of my brother-in-law and his wife when they refused to answer the questions during my daughter’s baptism.
We are in a similar situation with the Godmother of our 3rd son, now age 11. I’ve asked my son, as he grows older, to keep his Godmother in his prayers in a special way, as her life is not what God wants it to be. With two parents, many friends and relatives (including a great Godfather) all trying their best to be good Catholics, I don’t fear from his Godmother’s bad example. Certainly it’s not the ideal situation, but probably fairly common these days.
My daughter’s godmother is no longer a Catholic, but Episcopalian, which she considers Catholic. She is still very loving & Christian and now that my daughter is making her first communion I’ve wondered about if she is still a godmother if no longer Roman Catholic. (?)
I have a related question that perhaps someone could help us with. Is a sponsor/godparent required? We’ve been told yes by our parish priest but if I read Canon Law, 872 begins by stating “In so far as possible” regarding the assignment of a sponsor. This leads me to believe that a sponsor is not a “hard” requirement. Here’s our situation: my wife and I were received into the church 4 years ago and relocated to the east coast from the west last year. We have no family or close friends who are practicing Catholics. We had a baby boy 4 weeks ago. Prior to his birth, we had dialogues with our pastor regarding his baptism and our situation. His consoling was to make friends with others in the parish. We are trying to do this but haven’t met anyone we feel close to or trust as sponsors. I’m sure over the next couple of years we’ll develop relationships but it will take time. However, I am really uneasy with waiting that long and don’t want to choose a stranger as a sponsor for my boy. Any help here would be appreciated. Thank you.
-Carl
Carl,
Perhaps you know someone who lives at a distance who might serve as the suitable sponsor for your son. (Who sponsored you and your wife?) Such a person could serve as the sponsor through a proxy–a sort of “stand in”. See the entry Jimmy posted just the other day:
http://www.jimmyakin.org/2006/03/proxies.html
The proxy would be someone local who would agree to serve as proxy for the actual sponsor.
Ask your pastor if he is willing to allow a proxy.
mt son is now 1 year…his “godmother” also his aunt no longer lives by catholic rites, instead she follows another christian religion…she is thoroughly unavaliable to our son even though she and her husband (honor godfather) only live around the corner…it seems ancient not having an avenue of anullment in the matter of godparenting…we are permitted error in chosing a spouse, why not then are we permitted some course of redemption when we realize we have errored in choice of a godparent? Perhaps this a matter we must navigate void of written amendment?
My question is: Am I still Godmother? My Goddaughter just made her confirmation and she picked a relative as her sponsor. I’ve always been a good Godmother. Secretly this has been done and I don’t mind, I am not family. Am I still her Godmother? Is this a dumb question?
Belinda, I’m not the official question-answerer around her, but I’m quite confident that the rule is “once a godmother, always a godmother.” Being someone’s confirmation sponsor is totally separate from being their godparent. In a lot of places it’s a custom for the same person to do both, but it’s not at all required.
And of course it’s not a dumb question for you to be concerned about the status of your relationship with your goddaughter! Hopefully she has picked a good confirmation sponsor, so that now you have a little more help in your job of bringing her up in the faith.
can you get your child re-baptised with a new set of Godparents?