A reader writes:
A neighbor of my parents’ recently passed away after a battle with colon cancer. A memorial service will be held in the coming days; she is not Catholic, so there will be no funeral mass. Her remains will be cremated (possibly before the service, I do not believe her remains will be present, body or ashes), and her wishes are to have her ashes scattered in a flower garden in her back yard.
I asked my mom if this "scattering of ashes" is going to be private or extended to other close friends. My mom has been one of the primary caregivers for this neighbor in the last few weeks as her time came to an end and mentioned that she hoped they would be able to participate/observe when her ashes were spread.
The deceased and her family are not Catholic so I assume they cannot be held to the teachings of the Church. But out of respect for her humanly body, I would feel it inappropriate to be a witness to the dispersal of her ashes. I have not been "invited" to witness this event, but since it’s an emotional time, I guess I want to be prepared to know if I should plan to avoid this part or go thru it because of the feelings of those involved.
My questions are:
1) Would it be wrong for me as a Catholic to witness the scattering of her ashes?
No, it would not be wrong. As you may know, the Church holds that cremation can be morally permissible as long as it is not done as a deliberate sign of disbelief in the faith (which it very seldom is, from what I can tell).
Given the moral permissibility of cremation, that leaves the question of what is to be done with the remains or "cremains" as they are called.
We should then treat the cremains with respect, but what form respect for the dead requires varies dramatically across different cultures. In our American culture, many people feel it to be respectful to the dead to scatter the cremains in a nature setting of some kind. Others find it more respectful to deposit them in an urn, which may itself be placed in a mausoleum. There really isn’t much cultural consistency on this point.
Ultimately, as long as deliberate disrepect is not shown to the cremains, it doesn’t matter so much what different cultures think is respectful. God’s going to put the person back together at the end of time, anyway, and it’s not like the person will be harmed in any way based on where his ashes are or whether they are in one place.
Current Catholic regulations require that the cremains be deposited in a container, but these regulations have disciplinary rather than doctrinal force. This is the way we Catholics currently show our respect for a person’s cremains, but it is not required by divine law that this be done. (Over the centuries, almost any container one could come up with might get broken and the ashes scattered, anyway. It’s not like we can build indestructible urns guaranteed to last until Judgment Day no matter what happens to them.)
Since it is not a matter of divine law and the parties in this case are not Catholic, there is nothing intrinsically evil about their proposal. I find it personally distasteful (a flower bed in the back of a person’s house?), but this is more revealing of my own cultural preferences rather than what is mandated by divine law.
Since what they are proposing is not intrinsically contrary to divine law nor contrary to the law of the Church (in that the law binds only Catholics), you would not be lending your endorsement to an evil act by attending.
2) If it would, how best would I share this with my Catholic famiy that either a) is not aware of this, or b) is aware, but will be there anyway (if invited to do so)?
Since the act would not be intrinsically contrary to God’s law, I would not even bring it up with them. Just comfort them in their time of grief.
We did the same sort of thing respecting my Jewish Uncles ashes. Just said a few glowing words and then cast them to the wind in his old back yard.
Well we got a face full of Uncle Bob when the wind kicked up at the worst time and the dog ate some of Uncle Bob before we could stop him.
Then my well meaning brother gave me a small container of Uncle Bob when we got home because we were close. Yes, thats right, I have Uncle Bob still to this day. What am I supposed to do with my Uncle Bob in a bottle? I am Catholic by the way. Can my teaspoon of Uncle Bob get a Catholic burial?
Jimmy, I’m surprised. Concluding that because something is simply discipinary rather than doctrinal does not make it permissible.
The Order of Christian Funerals unequivocally states: “[T]he practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires (OCF 416).” The USCCB even had to request a special indult just to allow the urn to be present during the funeral service.
Therefore, I would not conclude that the Church would permit scattering of the ashes as that would be disrespectful of the body.
I just think it was a huge mistake for the Church to begin allowing this practice in the first place.
Read the case again, folks. The deceased and the deceased’s family aren’t Catholic. Only the observers are Catholic.
Therefore, if it ain’t morally wrong, it ain’t any of the Catholic’s beeswax.
(Unless you’re the kind of person who goes around telling remote tribes who’ve never heard of Christ that what they really need to know is that they really shouldn’t be eating meat in Lent.) 🙂
This is only a personal comment, and not in any way a challenge to Jimmy’s counsel (which seems appropriate).
I find it personally hard to harmonize the act of scattering ashes with belief in the resurrection of the body (i.e., that specific article of the Creed). I find it much easier to harmonize the act with a more or less gnostic believe that “the real Me is not my body, but the creature of Light that just waits to be liberated.” This was a common “freethinking” position in the nineteenth century, and I’m dubious about it not being any more an issue, even among not-so-well-catechized Christians.
That was why, for a long time, cremation was indeed banned, and funeral masses were forbidden for those who requested it. Heretics did engage in it specificaly to deny the resurrection of the body.
But that’s a prudential judgment, not a matter of intrinsically wrong.
Correct. I’m not saying the act of scattering is intrinsically wrong. The significance of the act for the one who does it may well be, as Jimmy says, culturally relative. I only wonder, in the case of our culture, how often this act expresses something at odds with a lively faith in the resurrection of the body. I’m not sure this isn’t still one of the more shakily-held articles of the creed.
Maybe it always is. Remember the Areopagus!
We cremated my grandmother (all of us are Catholic) and this issue did come up – my dad wanted to be particularly clear that it was not being done in any way as a denial in bodily resurrection, and certainly no one understood it that way. The cremains were present at the funeral Mass (is that allowed?). Eventually, the cremains were buried in Argentina (her country of birth). I was a bit uncomfortable about the thing, but I wonder, with the cost of caskets, etc., would economic considerations (although not alone) provide any support for the practice from a Catholic pov?
Does anyone know if there is an exception to the restriction of scattering of ashes in Hawaii? A family member was told by a priest of the diocese that scattering of ashes was permitted here.