A reader writes:
I just went to confession, and then to Mass. I did not receive communion at
Mass, however, because I am uncertain of the validity of my confession.
Here’s why.It was getting close to the time Mass would start, and the
priest seemed to be in a hurry. First, he interrupted me while I was
confessing, and gave me some spiritual guidance, and seeming to have
forgotten that I was not done confessing, concluded and gave me a penance. I
questioned him about the fact that I was not done. He apologized, and I
continued.When I was done, he said some concluding remarks, gave me my
penance, but did not absolve me, so I asked if he would, and he told me he
already did, presumably when he had interrupted me, and he ended up saying
something somewhat resembling the proper form, but very hurriedly. I don’t
think that he said the whole "I absolve you in the name of the Father, and of
the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." He did, however say, "I absolve you." I
heard that much clearly, and I left it at that. I didn’t say an act of
contrition, but I was contrite.Was my confession valid? Can the fact that
I’m seriously doubting the validity of it render it invalid, even if it
otherwise would have been valid? I’m really confused here. I just want to
know what to do.
Your doubt of the confession’s validity has no bearing on whether or not it was valid. It either was or it wasn’t. Your doubts now do not affect that.
Neither does the absence of a specific act of contrition since you were already contrite. The purpose of the act of contrition is to elicit contrition if it is not already there. The contrition itself–not a specific statement of it–is what is essential.
That being said, the aboslution was probably valid.
You know that he did say "I absolve you" but (a) he was speaking in a way difficult for you to hear or follow and (b) priests tend not to make up formulas from scratch when they’re speaking hurriedly; they’re on autopilot, and (c) you were rattled by the situation. He probably used the correct formula and you just didn’t hear it all.
Based on what you have told me, you would be able to proceed in good conscience on the premise that you were validly absolved. If you weren’t then your next absolution will take care of the problem since you aren’t deliberately holding anything back but are proceeding according to the best of your knowledge.
While you would be able to proceed in good conscience on the premise that you have been validly absolved, if you want to erase all doubt, just repeat the confession.
Here are some tips for how to avoid this kind of thing in the future:
- Take note of this priest and if the phenomenon repeats with him in the future, go to someone else (if you can).
- If you need to make a lengthy confession, don’t do it right before Mass. Either show up way early or make a special appointment.
- To the extent possible, avoid lengthy confessions. There are three ways of doing this, all of which should be pursued simultaneously:
Sin less often. This, of course, is what you should do. In fact, we are obliged before Christ to cooperate with the Holy Spirit so that, even if we presently have besetting sins, we grow out of them.
Go to confession more frequently. It’s obvious that if you just went recently that you’ll have had less time in which to commit sins and thus are likely to have fewer sins to confess. Further, going to confession frequently is important when you are growing out of a besetting sin. After you’ve committed it, go to confession as quickly as possible to help gain strength to resist the temptation in the future. If you delay going to confession, you may be tempted to commit the sin again on the grounds that your next confession will absolve both instances of the sin.
Confess in a businesslike manner and omit irrelevant detail. People have a tendency to give way more detail and background than is needed.
While (not being a priest) I don’t hear confessions, I am well acquainted with this phenomenon as it happens every time I’m on the radio show. People don’t just ask their questions, they tell stories about how the questions arose and what their tentative answers are and they include way more detail than I need to help them out. That’s human nature. The same thing, I am sure, happens in confession. Penitents give way more background and detail than is needed.
To avoid this, don’t tell stories or try to explain or justify what happened. Just say "I have to confess one incident of this. I have to confess two incidents of that. I have to confess some thoughts of this nature." If applicable, add any exacerbating or mitigating circumstances that apply (e.g., "I knew full well what I was doing and did it anyway," "I was really tired and angry when I did it"). Proceed through your list in a businesslike manner, without pausing in a way that invites the priest to comment (people feel psychological pressure to speak up when there is an awkward pause). Get the list out and trust that he’ll ask any questions he needs. Save any question syou have for him until after you’ve said the list.
Also, while confessing venial sins is a good thing (if not done to the point of scrupulosity), it is not necessary to confess them and thus don’t do it if you’re confessing right before Mass. It puts more time pressure on the priest and is more likely to rattle him as he worries about Mass and the congregation and how many more people may be behind you in line.
Finally, don’t use confessions immediately before Mass for purposes of seeking spiritual direction, The time pressure on the priest may be too great. Make an appointment or grab a priest after Mass.
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Thank you – from a priest who is sometimes harried by the line’s length as Mass time approaches.