In regard to a previous post, a reader writes:
Ever since I got your response to my question, I was greatly troubled. Can you clarify a point for me? In the beginning of your answer, you said it would NOT be sinful to marry if the 4 conditions in canon law were met by the Catholic party. However, later on in your post, you said it would besinful to marry if the non-Catholic party did not also meet those 4 conditions. Could you clear this up for me?
(I’m determining if i have to break up with my one true love (my only chance of getting married, probably!), so please help me with this.)
Thanks for writing back. I know this is a difficult time for you as making the kind of decision you are facing is very hard emotionally.
The conditions affect your potential spouse in different ways. In particular, the three exclusionary reasons do.
1) The first exclusionary reason involves you making a firm commitment to removing all danger of your own defection from the faith *and* doing everything in your power to see that the children are raised Catholic.
The non-Catholic party is not required to make these commitments himself (he is not, as used to be the case, required to promise to raise the children Catholic, nor to become Catholic himself). But since the question was "Is it sinful to marry this gentleman?" it seems that his foreseen response to these commitments on your part is something that affects the moral character of your act.
If, for example, you reasonably foresee (or if you should reasonably foresee) that he will attempt to undermine your Catholic faith (either overtly or subtly) then are you really removing all dangers to your lapsing from the faith? It seems, instead, like you would be committing yourself to live in an environment in which your faith will be under attack (overtly or subtly) for decades and by the person with whom you are supposed to be most intimate. That sounds more like deliberately exposing oneself to the danger of defecting from the faith, which is sinful.
Similarly, there is the commitment on your part to do all that you can to see that all the children are raised Catholic. If you’re marrying an anti-Catholic, it is going to make this very hard to do. You’re asking for inter-spousal conflict by embarking on this course. If you really intend to do all in your power to raise all the kids Catholic and he has a reciprocal commitment to see that they’re raised in his faith, BLAMMO! Arguments galore.
The religious education of children is also, by natural law, a responsibility of their parents–including you–and for you to knowingly and voluntarily commit to raising your children in an anti-Catholic environment raises real questions about your handling of this responsibility. One can easily argue that sin is likely to be involved if one voluntarily commits to raising one’s children in an anti-Catholic environment.
2) The second condition is simply that the non-Catholic party has to be informed, before the marriage, of your commitments in such a way that he truly understands what you are committed to doing. This is customarily done by those involved in marriage preparation, though morally speaking you would be expected to play your part by impressing on your potential spouse the fact that you are firm in these commitments and will remain so.
3) Then there is the fact that the non-Catholic party is not to exclude the purposes or essential properties of marriage as the Church understands them.
This affects your proposed spouse directly. If he excludes the purposes or essential properties of marriage then it may be sinful to enter the union or the union itself may be invalid.
This question tends to impact Protestants on two fronts: the indissolubility of marriage and its openness to life.
Protestants typically do not hold that marriage is indissoluble. As a result, they typically believe that it is possible for one to divorce after a valid, consummated marriage between Christians and still be able to marry someone else while the first spouse lives. This is itself problematic, but does not automatically invalidate the marriage unless the property of indissolubility is excluded by an act which determines the will. (For example, if your proposed spouse were to say to himself, "I’m not getting married unless I have the right to divorce her and marry someone else if it doesn’t work out.")
When it comes to openness to life, Protestants (these days) typically do not recognize the immorality of using contraception, and the great majority use it. This is objectively sinful. While the Church acknowledges that it is possible for a Catholic spouse to have conjugal relations with a contracepting spouse under certain conditions, whether it is possible to without sin voluntarily enter a union in which one knows the other party will be contracepting is another question entirely.
Simiarly, the proposed spouse may pressure you to use contraception or may insist on using means of contraception that destroy the unitive aspect of the act (e.g., condoms). In the former case, it puts you in the proximate occasion of sin and in the latter case it causes the act itself to become sinful.
There are thus a host of different ways in which entering into marriage with an anti-Catholic Protestant could be sinful.
The reader also asks:
Would it still
be a sin to marry a Protestant, even though the Bishop allows it?
Bishops have to make the best decision they can based on the situation, and they often have less information about the situation than do the parties themselves. For this reason, and for other reasons, a bishop’s decision does not remove the responsibility of the parties themselves in determining whether they should get married.
It may well be that a bishop grants permission for a union in which one or both of the parties is sinning. Often this is done in hopes of avoiding a worse situation (e.g., the Catholic party leaving the faith immediately). A decision from the bishop thus does not mean that the parties are not sinning by marrying each other.
As hard as it is, you therefore have to make your own determination of whether it would be sinful to marry this gentleman, even if it were possible to obtain permission from the bishop. You have to look at what you know about the gentleman, what he would be likely to do or fail to do in marriage, compare it to the criteria that the Church has proposed, and make the best determination you can.
As you do this, it is certainly reasonable to consult those who may help you better discern your moral obligations. (Of course, you need to make sure that those whose counsel you seek are orthodox and not just telling you what you want to hear.)
For my part, I do not see how it would be possible to recommend that you marry an anti-Catholic. It would be one thing if he said, "I’m not Catholic, but I admire and respect the Catholic Church and think it does good in the world." It is another thing if he says (as you report he does), "I think that the Catholic Church is anti-Christ." As long as that is his view, I cannot recommend marriage to him.
I also think that you are likely underestimating your chances of finding a good Catholic man. I’ve already mentioned the possibility of using services like AveMariaSingles.Com to meet faithful Catholic men. As you mention in an e-mail I don’t quote, you’re in your twenties. You still have lots of time. And, as the saying goes, "There are lots of fish in the sea."
Often people underestimate their chances of finding someone. I’ve been guilty of this myself. Most people have at one time or another. I’d hate for you to make a life-affecting mistake just because you sold short your chances of finding a good Catholic guy.
20



