A reader writes:
I recently had a relative who had an ectopic pregnancy that was terminated by using the drug Methotrexate. Everything that I have read says that ectopic pregnancy cannot deliver the baby alive.
I believe that from reading the Catechism that this was an abortion and that this person has excommunicated herself by submitting to the abortion? I have not spoken to her and do not know how or if I should bring up the subject of what happened and what it means to her relationship with God. I have prayed much for her and her aborted baby, but any advise you could offer would be greatly helpful. This is a horrible situation for any mother to be in.
It is indeed. Discovering that you are experiencing an ectopic pregnancy is horiffic.
First, some (partial) good news: Your relative may well not be excommunicated.
Although canon law provides an automatic excommunication for procured abortion, it also includes a number of exceptions which keep this excommunication from being triggered.
Among those exceptions is not knowing that a particular action would incur a canonical penalty. If your relative did not know that procured abortion carries a penalty under canon law then she is not excommunicated.
There are also several other exceptions that might pertain to her state and keep the excommunication from being triggered.
In view of this, I would not raise the possibility of excommunication to her, especially at this time, when she is still recovering emotionally from the ectopic pregnancy.
Now: What about the use of the Methotrexate?
I assume from the way that you present the matter that this drug was used while the child was still alive.
That may not be the case, however. If the child was already dead then its use would not have been immoral. If they knew that the child was dead then it would have been morally legitimate to use this drug to remove the child’s body from the mother.
If you address this situation with your relative then you should first verify that the child was still alive before telling your relative that what she did was wrong. (I’d also verify that Methotrexate was used. Always verify your facts rigorously before accusing someone of a grave sin.)
Now: What if the child was alive?
In that case, what she did was a procured abortion and it was gravely immoral.
Although there are ways of dealing with ectopic pregnancies that many orthodox Catholic moral theologians regard as morally licit, use of an abortifacient drug like Methotrexate is not one of them. The reason is that Methotrexate directly kills the child, and it is never morally permissible to directly take the life of an innocent.
If the child was alive then this was an abortion. It’s too bad your relative did not know about or did not pursue methods of dealing with her situation that are potentially morally licit.
Given what happened, it would in principle be a spiritual work of mercy to alert your relative to the moral character of the act she performed so that she knows that she can take the appropriate steps to deal with it (going to confession).
Your job in delivering such a message to her would be to do it in the way that has the best chance of actually prompting repentance, meaning not only using the best words but also doing it at the best time possible.
When and whether such a time might be, I can’t say. I don’t know how long ago this occurred, what your relative’s state of mind is at present regarding the abortion, or what your relationship with her is.
Ultimately, the decision of when and how to broach the subject is a judgment call, and you just have to make the best decision that you can and trust God with the results.
(You also do not have to assume that you are the only instrument God has to work with your relative. He’s got lots. So don’t think this all hinges on you. In fact, depending on what your relationship with your relative is, you may simply be the wrong person to deliver this message. That’s something that has to be considered.)
If you do decide that it is opportune to discuss this with your relative, what words should you use?
Myself, I tend to be direct about the evil involved, while trying to frame the subject in as compassionate way as possible.
If I were in your position and decided that the moment to talk about it had come, I would probably say something like:
<massively compassionate tone of voice>I just wanted to let you know that I feel really horrible about what happend. Having an ectopic pregnancy is a nightmare that no woman should have to go through. It must have hurt you tremendously to have to go through that, and I want you to know that you and your baby are in my prayers.
That being said, I understand that you used Methotrexate to deal with the situation. While it’s understandable that you felt the need to do something, and while there are potentially moral ways to handle an ectopic pregnancy, this was not one of them. Methotrexate directly brings about the death of the child, and it is never morally licit to directly bring about the death of an innocent.
I don’t know how much you understood about all this at the time. I’m not judging you AT ALL. I know this was a horribly shattering experience for you, and I don’t want to do anything but offer my support for you.
I also don’t want to pry into this matter. I respect your privacy. But I hope that you’ll consider going to the sacrament of reconciliation to make sure that you’re square with God about this. He loves you even more than I do, and I know that you will find healing and relief in the sacrament.</massively compassionate tone of voice>.
That’s what I’d be inclined to say, but others may be able to propose better words.
(NOTE: Exhortations to approach the relative before she had a chance to recover from the event emotionally and exhortations to read the relative the riot act will be deleted.)
I’d also be prepared to answer questions about what alternatives to the use of Methotrexate that she could have used.
READ ABOUT THAT HERE.
You could also e-mail her that link if she wants rather than try to explain these things in the discussion.