This is not the Labor Day weekend I was expecting!
Around the office on Friday, people were wishing each other a good weekend and asking if they had any special plans for the holiday.
My major plan was to do laundry. Probably watch some DVDs. Maybe do some writing and studying Indonesian.
Saturday I answered my door, and as I did so, I noticed a bee buzzing under the Venetian blind, trying to get out of the glass.
“How did that get in here?” I wondered.
I killed it.
A few minutes later I was heading out the door to get what I needed for a home improvement project, when I saw another bee on the Venetian blind on my front door.
I killed it, too.
But wait: Two bees in the same exact place indoors within minutes of each others?
There could be a group.
My mind flashed back to a time when I was out for a lunchtime constitutional and ran across a whole swarm of bees buzzing around a service access duct poking up through the blacktop of a parking lot. (I marched quickly past it and then called the owners to let them know they had a bee hazard in their parking lot.)
So I went out my front door and stood in front of the house, just observing.
A bee went by.
Then my eyes settled on a ventilation duct at the peak of my roof.
It was swarming with bees. I estimate between one and two dozen were visible.
“They must have a colony in my attic,” I realized. So I got ahold of my landlady. I had trouble at first getting her to understand the exact nature of the problem, but I brought her over to see it for herself. When she did, she instantly realized the danger the bees posed.
A colony of potentially hundreds of bees infesting a house, including its living quarters . . . that has possible anaphylactic shock and lawsuit written all over it.
From her perspective.
From my perspective it has possible anaphylactic shock and death written all over it. I don’t have a bee allergy to my knowledge, but then many people who have the allergy don’t know it, and it can develop suddenly, without warning. Also, if a swarm goes after you, you can get stung enough times to have a life-threatening reaction just from the toxicity of the venom, even if you aren’t allergic.
Further, since Africanized “killer” bees have invaded Southern California (killer bees being “killer” only in their aggressiveness, not their toxicity), every untested swarm has to be assumed to be Africanized and thus more likely to attack. Thus I have to assume that I have killer bees living in my attic.
I’m not staying in my house again until those bees are gone!
Unfortunately, it being a holiday weekend, they couldn’t reach the exterminators and probably can’t get anyone to start the (long, complicated) process of bee de-infestation till Tuesday. I estimate that I’m likely not to be able to live in my house for a week or more.
Even when I finally get back in, I won’t be comfortable for a while.
So the bees have forced me to do what the fires last November didn’t: evacuate. At one point when the fires were raging and the world outside looked totally apocalyptic, I had the truck packed and was within five minutes of evacuating, but it didn’t end up being necessary. With possible killer bees infesting my house, though, it is.
I did go back in for a few minutes to get a few essentials, but as I did so I noticed a third bee on my front door’s Venetian blind. It waggled its antennae at me menacingly, so I grabbed far fewer essentials than I originally intended and hustled out of the house as quickly as I could.
Afterward I found myself thinking: “I hope no bees are stowing away in my stuff, ready to crawl out and sting me like what happened to Agent Scully in The X-Files movie.”