A reader writes:
I am a recent revert back to the Catholic Church. My wife and I (both born, baptized, confimed Catholic) were married in a Protestant church. Now that I have recently come "Home", its obviously important to me to have the Church validate our marriage. Until then, I know, I am unable to receive the Eucharist. The problem is, my wife, unfortuanetly, does not share the same passion about the Catholic faith and continues to attend a protestant church. How does the church handle my situation where 2 Catholics, who were married outside the church, wish to have the church recognize my marriage where only one desires to come back in full communion with the Church. Its obviously important for me to be in full communion again and receive the Eucharist but can not untill 1) Confession and 2) this marriage issue. I recently spoke with my parish priest and he stated he would have to look into it. Jimmy, can you provide me with an answer.
There actually is a little ambiguity in the law regarding how such situations are to be handled–at least now that the Holy See has tightened up its understanding of what constitutes formal defection from the Church, and different dioceses might wish to handle the mechanics of the situation in slightly different ways, so it is prudent of your priest to check. However, the core of the solution to your situation is clear (as is the fact that it is resolvable).
The standard way of handling a situation like this would be for you and your wife to have a convalidation ceremony where you both renew your consent to the marriage. That’s the main thing that needs to happen.
Hopefully, your wife will not object to renewing her consent in this ceremony, though if she were to then there is another potential way to handle the situation. There is no need to go into detail on that, though, as long as the normal way of handling the situation can be pursued.
Once you have heard back from the priest, I would talk to your wife and explain that this is one of your religious obligations as a Catholic and that it means a lot to you to be able to do this. You might also point out–if you think it appropriate–that many couples treat renewals of their wedding vows as an occasion to celebrate their continued love and commitment to each other. The convalidation service can be that for both of you, though for you it also has an additional dimension of fulfilling a religious obligation. If it were me, I’d try as much as possible to put this in a positive light: I need to do this, but I also want to do this, because it will allow me to publicly reaffirm my love and commitment to you before God and my Church. It is a way I can say, "You are the one I love, you are the one I am committed to" before my Church.
There will be some additional canonical details that will also have to be handled as part of the process, but a convalidation is the normal way that such things are handled, and the fact that your wife does not presently consider herself Catholic will not pose an insuperable barrier. Your parish priest can help you work through the details of the process (once he’s checked on exactly how your diocese wants to handle this).
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