A reader writes:
I am a recent revert back to the Catholic Church. My wife and I (both born, baptized, confimed Catholic) were married in a Protestant church. Now that I have recently come "Home", its obviously important to me to have the Church validate our marriage. Until then, I know, I am unable to receive the Eucharist. The problem is, my wife, unfortuanetly, does not share the same passion about the Catholic faith and continues to attend a protestant church. How does the church handle my situation where 2 Catholics, who were married outside the church, wish to have the church recognize my marriage where only one desires to come back in full communion with the Church. Its obviously important for me to be in full communion again and receive the Eucharist but can not untill 1) Confession and 2) this marriage issue. I recently spoke with my parish priest and he stated he would have to look into it. Jimmy, can you provide me with an answer.
There actually is a little ambiguity in the law regarding how such situations are to be handled–at least now that the Holy See has tightened up its understanding of what constitutes formal defection from the Church, and different dioceses might wish to handle the mechanics of the situation in slightly different ways, so it is prudent of your priest to check. However, the core of the solution to your situation is clear (as is the fact that it is resolvable).
The standard way of handling a situation like this would be for you and your wife to have a convalidation ceremony where you both renew your consent to the marriage. That’s the main thing that needs to happen.
Hopefully, your wife will not object to renewing her consent in this ceremony, though if she were to then there is another potential way to handle the situation. There is no need to go into detail on that, though, as long as the normal way of handling the situation can be pursued.
Once you have heard back from the priest, I would talk to your wife and explain that this is one of your religious obligations as a Catholic and that it means a lot to you to be able to do this. You might also point out–if you think it appropriate–that many couples treat renewals of their wedding vows as an occasion to celebrate their continued love and commitment to each other. The convalidation service can be that for both of you, though for you it also has an additional dimension of fulfilling a religious obligation. If it were me, I’d try as much as possible to put this in a positive light: I need to do this, but I also want to do this, because it will allow me to publicly reaffirm my love and commitment to you before God and my Church. It is a way I can say, "You are the one I love, you are the one I am committed to" before my Church.
There will be some additional canonical details that will also have to be handled as part of the process, but a convalidation is the normal way that such things are handled, and the fact that your wife does not presently consider herself Catholic will not pose an insuperable barrier. Your parish priest can help you work through the details of the process (once he’s checked on exactly how your diocese wants to handle this).
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So you can become a mass murderer and still go to heaven. By all means do so. Start with the liberals in Washington D.C. You can pick up some great knives on E-Bay. Nothing quite like a Bowie knife. You can tell us all about your victims at the marriage supper of the lamb.Happy hunting.
Jimmy,
I really like the tone you put into these replies. I love the suggestion that this couple emphasize the love between them, in addition to the husband fulfilling his religious obligations.
To the husband, welcome home! To the wife, may God bless you both in your marriage!
Jimmy, thanks for the reply, I will discuss this with my wife. Diana, thank you!
Jimmy,
Could you possibly elaborate on what can be done if one spouse objects. I have a friend that has been in that situation for 15+ years. She has spoken to several priests but has been told that nothing can be done if her spouse objects.
The procedure your friend would need is known as “radical sanation.” It could be used as long as long as there is no other impediment (like a divorce that hasn’t been annulled) as long as the other partner still consents to the union.
I’m in the middle of this process right now.
I would also add:
– be patient
– be prayerful
– be at peace
We were married as Protestants, and I believed my Catholic life ended in 1970 when my parents divorced. I was a Protestant minister at the time of my marriage.
As I mentioned on the posting earlier this year on the clarification regarding formal defection, I was told in 1998 by a Diocesan Canon Lawyer on the Tribunal that I had formally defected and my marriage was fine. He was working with the best information available at the time. Things changed in March 2006 with the Vatican document.
So first my wife and I discussed the matter of convalidation among ourselves in April. Then we discussed it with our parish priest. Then we got down to business.
1. First appointment with parish priest to discuss the process, etc.
2. Register for diocesan all-day convalidation marriage preparation program.
3. Second appointment with parish priest for collecting documents, and FOCCUS questions.
4. Third appointment with parish priest to review FOCCUS results, last Saturday.
Still to come:
5. Diocesan all-day Marriage Prep for Convalidation on July 8.
6. Another appointment with parish priest after that.
Some day, we will have the actual marriage liturgy and convalidation, either in the Fall of 2006 or maybe even in 2007 (might even wait until May 2007 for the 20th Anniversary of our civil marraige).
It will happen, eventually. Enjoy the journey.
Wow, it really is a process. Jimmy (or anyone), what is the reason for having to obstain from receiving the Eucharist during this?
Dear JP,
Nobody told us we need to abstain from the Eucharist. However, I returned to the Church in 1998 by means of Reconciliation, and my wife became Catholic through RCIA in 1998-1999, coming into full communion with the Church in 1999 at the Easter Vigil where we both received the Sacrament of Confirmation. So we are now both practicing, active Catholics.
Somebody sent me an email asking, “What document from March 2006?”
See this post on this blog:
Formal Defection.
The PDF document is here, at CLSA.
My diocese (Oakland, CA) put out not one but two announcements about this Canon Law clarification in May basically saying, strongly, that the clarification was in effect.
JW…
as a fellow Catholic christian and a fellow USAmerican who happens to be more socially caring than the current administration, I am deeply hurt by your humor.
your attitude is exactly why things are so polarized in this country… “I am right, let’s kill everyone else and let God sort ’em out!”
shame on you.
Anon,
I don’t want to get in this argument, I would just like to know what you mean by ‘socially caring’.
Anon,
I have never heard Bush say we should kill them all and let God sort them out. Are you saying that Al-Qaeda might be right? Please explain.
JP: The main reason for abstaining from the Eucharist would be if an invalidly married couple were having sexual relations in spite of not being truly married, as that is objectively a mortal sin.
I’m not sure whether it is ever advised that a person abstain from Holy Communion because he is living as brother and sister with an invalidly married spouse. Could be in some cases, for reasons of scandal, but I hope someone who knows better than I do will answer that part. If it’s for reasons of scandal, it might still be permissible to receive if one goes where he is not known by the community. I emphasize that this paragraph is no more than “what thomasina thinks she may have heard/read,” but since no one has answered this since this afternoon I wanted to clarify that it’s possible “living as brother and sister” is not an automatic answer to eligibility for Communion in every case.
My next question would be then, does the church not recognize my marriage at all? If the Church recognizes baptisms done in protestant churches as Gods work why would the same not apply to marriage? My priest did say that my marriage was a christian marriage (We were married in a UMC)Just trying to understand.
The Church does recognize non Catholic marriages. It’s just that if you are Catholic you are bound by the Catholic form of marriage and you would need to either marry in the Church or obtain a dispensation of form if you were to marry in another church.
Jimmy, can you block posts from the guy with the vulgar handle?
Wow! You dropped him while I was still in the ether! And some people don’t believe in telepathy!
My husband and I went through the convalidation ceremony on our 11th anniversary. Since he is not catholic and does not practice any formal religion, but he is a religious man, I thought he would think this was silly. He told me that if this is what I wanted he was fine with it.
To my amazement before the ceremony he told everyone he talked to that he was going to get married again and after the ceremony he was so very happy to tell everyone that he had married the same woman twice. I love this man so much.
After you have gone through a convalidation ceremony do you recieve any kind of certificate stating that this has been registered in the church records?