"I’m My Own Grandpa," for those few who may not know, was a signature song for country comedy artists (and Grand Ole Opry regulars) Lonzo & Oscar. It has also been recorded by others, including Grandpa Jones, and it makes a memorable appearance in the hilariously stupid movie, The Stupids (which is also remarkably clean, one of the few such comedy films).
The premise of the song is that an unusual pair of marriages result in bizarre relational implications for the character in the song, such that he is now his own grandpa (as you might suppose from the title).
The bizarre relationships that result from this pair of marriages are extensive, and now someone has now gone and done a hypertext version of the song that allows you to keep track of how all the relationships work, complete with diagrams.
With this in mind (and linking the hypertext version), a reader writes:
Would the following be considered licit… http://gean.wwco.com/grandpa/ from the Church’s perspective?
Ever one for applying theological and canonical principles to far-out, eXtreme situations (what you might call X-Canon Law and X-Theology), I’m more than happy to entertain the question.
Let’s start by looking at the opening verse of the song, which sets up the pair of marriages that results in the Me = Grandpa situation:
Now many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three,
I was married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
That’s marriage #1. We’ll refer to the groom in this song as The Singer. To keep things simple, let’s assume that this is a valid marriage and that both The Singer and The Widow are Catholic, so that they will be bound by canon law.
Now a new character enters the picture:
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
Okay, so the widow has a daughter, who we’ll creatively call The Daughter. How is she related to The Singer, and how might that affect who she can marry? Well, there are two ways you can be related to someone the become relevant in marriage situations. These are known as consanguinity and affinity.
Consanguinity occurs when you are related by blood. The song does not tell us whether any of the marriage partners are related by blood, but since the issue isn’t raised, it doesn’t seem to be relevant to the situation. We may thus set it aside and assume that The Singer is not related by blood to either The Widow or The Daughter, so issues of consanguinity don’t arise.
Affinity, however, occurs when one is related to someone by marriage. Since The Singer is married to The Widow, he is thereby related to The Daughter by affinity–which is crucial to setting up the bizarre complex of relationships that ensue. Here’s how that happens:
My father fell in love with her [the Daughter],
And soon they, too, were wed.
That’s marriage #2.
Now, absolute relational chaos ensues:
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
‘Cause she was my father’s wife.
That’s just the beginning. It gets much, much worse from there.
The key question, canonically, is can The Singer’s father (a.k.a., The Father) marry The Daughter?
At one time under Church law the answer was no. The affinity that existed between The Singer and his wife’s family was held to apply also to the rest of The Singer’s family (or at least significant portions of it). Thus The Daughter was not only reckoned as The Singer’s Step-Daughter but as The Father’s Step-Granddaughter, and he couldn’t marry her.
But then the Fourth Lateran Council happened in the year 1215, and that council decreed the following:
CANON 50
It must not be deemed reprehensible if human statutes change sometimes with the change of time, especially when urgent necessity or common interest demands it, since God himself has changed in the New Testament some things that He had decreed in the Old. Since, therefore, the prohibition against the contracting of marriage in secundo et tertio genere affinitatis ["in the second and third degree of affinity"] and that against the union of the offspring from second marriages to a relative of the first husband, frequently constitute a source of difficulty and sometimes are a cause of danger to souls, that by a cessation of the proibition the effect may cease also, we, with the approval of the holy council, revoking previous enactments in this matter, decree in the resent statute that such persons may in the future contract marriage without hindrance. . . .
So Fourth Lateran wiped out the prohibition on people marrying who were in the second and third degree of affinity.
Without dwelling on what these degrees consisted in (the concept is a little hard to explain, and it’s not relevant to current law on the matter), this would have permitted The Father to marry The Daughter.
Now let’s jump forward to current law. According to the 1983 Code of Canon Law:
Can. 109 §1. Affinity arises from a valid marriage, even if not consummated, and exists between a man and the blood relatives of the woman and between the woman and the blood relatives of the man.
Can. 1092 Affinity in the direct line in any degree invalidates a marriage.
When one puts these two canons together, one discovers who in the song can’t marry whom.
Affinity exists between The Singer and the blood relatives of The Widow, which would include The Daughter. So The Singer can’t marry anyone in a "direct line" relationship to The Widow. Those relatives are off limits to him.
The direct line is anybody you are descended from and anybody who is descended from you. It includes your grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren, etc.
Since The Daughter is a blood relative of The Widow and is in her direct line, The Singer can’t marry her (should The Widow die) because of the impediment created by affinity.
Likewise, affinity applies to The Widow and her ability to marry relatives of The Singer. Since The Father is a blood relative in the direct line for The Singer, The Widow can’t marry The Father (should The Singer die).
But The Singer and The Widow are the only two people who have affinity regarding each other’s families. You’ll note that Canon 109 says, "Affinity . . . exists between a man [and his wife’s blood relatives] . . . and a woman [and her husband’s blood relatives]."
It does not say that the relatives in one family have affinity with respect to the relatives in the other family. They only have affinity with the man or the woman. Thus The Singer has affinity with The Daughter and The Father has affinity with The Widow but–and this is the important point–The Father and The Daughter DO NOT HAVE AFFINITY WITH RESPECT TO EACH OTHER.
Thus there is an old saying in canon law: Affinitas non gignit affinitatem–or "Affinity does not beget affinity."
Just because two people are in a condition of affinity, that doesn’t mean all their relatives are also mutually in this relationship.
Thus–unless there is something else blocking the validity of the marriage–it is perfectly (canonically) legitimate for The Father to marry The Daughter and set the whole cascade of relational chaos in motion.
So at least since 1215, you’ve been able to become your own grandpa.
It sounds funny, I know, but it really is so.
(By the way, kids, don’t try this at home.)
Incidentally, if you’ve never heard this delightful song, it’s available for download from iTunes. Just look up "I’m my own grandpa" or "Lonzo & Oscar."
AND THERE’S A BIG OL’ .WAV OF IT HERE (THE VERSION FROM THE STUPIDS).
BE
SURE TO CHECK OUT THE STUPIDS, TOO–YOU’LL LAUGHT TILL YOU STOP!
LYRICS, WITH HELPFUL DIAGRAMS, HERE.
Perhaps another time we can "prick that annual blister: marriage with deceased wife’s sister."