A reader writes:
Today, I went to confession…the priest remained silent the entire time I was confessing…which I kind of like, because it allows me to recount all of my sins without distraction.
Agreed–at least as a general rule.
I will not go into details, but I did have a couple of things I thought would warrant a good chastisement from the priest. All he told me at the conclusion of my confession was to make an act of contrition and say 1 "Our Father" as my penance…
What warrants a chastisement from the priest is a tricky thing. The priest's job in confession is to make an assessment, to the extent possible, of whether your are repentant and what will help you spiritually. While there can be room for admonishments and penances, the fundamental orientation of the sacrament is toward administering the mercy of God.
I wouldn't read too much into the failure of the priest to chastise you. Even if he should have on this particular occasion, it has nothing to do with the validity of the sacrament.
I honestly and whole heartedly feel I made a good confession…but if that is the case, why do I feel like a huge weight is still on me? I still feel as if I am in mortal sin? Do you think it was the lack of participation/chastisement on the part of the priest? Could it be something else?
If you honestly and wholeheartedly think that you made a good confession then I would chalk your current feelings up to the dynamics of human emotion. Sometimes we feel like we need to be punished–chastised or rebuked or humbled in some way–and this feeling can remain for reasons that aren't rational.
Survivor guilt is an example of that. Sometimes people feel guilty at living longer than someone who has passed on. They feel like they ought to be punished or that things shouldn't go well for them. But this is not rational. If two people are in the back seat of a car during a crash, and one lives and the other dies, it is neither's fault that the crash occurred (neither was driving), and the survivor shouldn't feel guilty–though the survivor often does.
In the same way, even when we are guilty–the feeling that we need to be punished can remain even after we have made reparations or after we've been to confession. Sometimes we can even have a morbid feeling that we need to be punished that is out of all proportion to the facts or that we still feel no matter what we do.
When this happens, the situation is unhealthy.
I don't know that you are in such a situation, but it's not uncommon for people to have lingering feelings of guilt even after they've been absolved and done their penance. Feelings are quirky things, and everybody experiences that from time to time.
Unless there is an objective reason to think one made a bad confession, though, one should not dwell on the matter. Even if the priest didn't say exactly the right thing or give you exactly the right penance, don't question matters. Trust in God's mercy.
Is it possible it is my mind giving me a hard time, because as of late, I have been confessing the same thing frequently…so possibly, I feel crummy because I feel as if I am abusing the sacrament by confessing the same thing over and over again. I don't know if I need to go again and confess all the things over or what?
If, as you say above, you think you did make
a good confession then I would strongly recommend that you not scruple about this. Unless you think you made a bad confession then you should not go and confess these things all over again. That way lies scrupulosity.
It is understandable that you have the kind of feelings you do if you are presently dealing with a besetting sin–something that you struggle with regularly.
But one can licitly approach the sacrament even when one is dealing with this kind of sin. What is required is that when you are in confession that you will not to commit the sin in the future. You may foresee that you are going to experience temptation toward the sin in the future. You may even realize, intellectually, that you are likely to give in to that temptation in the future. But if, at the time you are confessing, your will is against committing the sin, the sacrament will be valid and you are making a good confession even if you don't feel like you are.
To quote from the Vademecum for Confessors (which deals specifically with conjugal chastity, but whose principles are applicable to sins in general):
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11. Sacramental absolution is not to be denied to those who, repentant after having gravely sinned against conjugal chastity, demonstrate the desire to strive to abstain from sinning again, notwithstanding relapses. In accordance with the approved doctrine and practice followed by the holy Doctors and confessors with regard to habitual penitents, the confessor is to avoid demonstrating lack of trust either in the grace of God or in the dispositions of the penitent, by exacting humanly impossible absolute guarantees of an irreproachable future conduct.
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While I don't know the details of the reader's situation and therefore can only give general answers, I would encourage him to trust in God's mercy and his grace–both through the sacrament and apart from it–for resisting and avoiding temptation in the future. With perseverance, growth in holiness can and will occur. If there are setbacks, he should resolve to do better, even if he cannot offer himself or his confessor "humanly impossible absolute guarantees of an irreproachable future conduct."
If feelings persist after making a good confession that he should have done more penance or been chastised by the priest, I would encourage him not to scruple about this, and not to worry whether the punishment exactly fit the crime. In matters of mercy, it never does. Trust God's mercy and accept the self-humbling of going to confession and naming the sin in the first place, as well as the penance done, as being enough.
NOTE: This is a Rule 20 post.
Author: Jimmy Akin
Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."
View all posts by Jimmy Akin
I sometimes have to fight those feelings, too. After committing the same sin over and over, and confessing it over and over, I get tempted to think that I may not have a firm purpose of amendment. When that happens, I try to remember something I once heard:
A man kept committing, and confessing, the same kind of sin. After some time, his priest refused to give him absolution, telling the man: “You obviously aren’t trying to overcome this sin.” The man left the confessional.
Sometime later, the priest left the confessional. No one was in the church but the penitent whom he had refused to absolve. The penitent was kneeling before the Sacred Heart statue, tears streaming down his face. But the priest didn’t see the statue; he saw Jesus embracing the penitent. Then Jesus turned to the priest and said: “How dare you not give him absolution when I have forgiven him?”
This has helped me to remember that Jesus’ Mercy is infinitely greater than my sins. Perhaps it will help others.
thank you for this post, Jimmy.
And thank you to whoever sent the original e-mail, as well.
There is much I could write, here, but as this is a Rule 20 post, I will gag myself. Okay, its a little gag 🙂
How many times I had “thought” the confessor was going to give me a long lecture, only to have a quick penance and dismissal? How many times have I wished the confessor had not said what he had said as advice. I just recently got advised in the confessional to stop reading and posting to blogs, especially comboxes, because, according to this priest, comboxes are often occasions of sin (he was not referring, specifically, to me, but making a general remark). The priest is certainly correct in this, if my experience means anything and this has given me more than enough scruples during the last week.
Priests do the best they can. Not all priests are as skilled in the confessional as St. John, Vianney or Padre Pio. Perhaps the priest was tired or in a hurry. Perhaps he was recovering from having heard a long, difficult confession. Who knows.
I have had many, “interesting” confessions. In my experience the lack of feeling freed after confession is a common one, so the writer of the e-mail should not think that he is suffering something uncommon to man. Great progress in the spiritual life can be made at this point simply by trusting God. Too many people, nowadays, look for sensible signs to accompany the sacraments. These are never guaranteed. Sacraments work ex opere operato, by the work done. Just get on with life. God will take care of the feelings in his own way and in his own time.
I hope the reader realizes the irony of his post, however and takes some solace from it: if he did not really care about his sins, he would not be this anxious (even to the point of writing Jimmy). Such care certainly suffices for imperfect contrition.
I would tell him: you has been given the sacrament of penance, for the pardon and peace of your soul. You sins are forgiven. Christ never said your feelings would be delicious.
The Chicken
What is a Rule 20 post?
This was beautiful, by the way.
Nevermind, I found the rules!
They are on the left side of the blog, if others are curious…
Great post, it touches on so many of the issues that I used to face after confession. There was a particular sin that I struggled with and the only way I have been able to keep it from occuring was to make the sign of the cross every time I was tempted. God Bless the lot of you.
Christopher Y,
I’ll be trying that next time. With God’s grace, I’ll kick the habit.
Jimmy:
I’m under the impression that the sacrament of confession also confers grace to help avoid sin in the future, correct? In that case, repeatedly confessing the same sin is part of asking for God’s grace to avoid that sin. Did I get that right?
Just because one feels condemnation does not mean there actually is condemnation from God or anyone else. I like the idea Jimmy expressed about trusting God in this matter, because our emotions are not always reliable. I hope the writer finds peace.
I think we have the expression “confession is good for the soul” for a reason — look at, for example, the popularity of the website project “Post Secret,” which is a form of secular confession. The fact that so many people, of whatever religious or nonreligious bent, feel the need to confess in some form or another illustrates to me the fundamental nature of this sacrament. Marriage or the taking of Holy Vows may not be for everybody (and there is nothing wrong with that), but confession is.
FRANCISCO IS HEREBY DISINVITED TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS BLOG. HE HAS HIJACKED TWO THREADS IN CLOSE PROXIMITY TO EACH OTHER IN ORDER TO RIDE HIS “CATHOLICISM IS FALSE” HOBBY HORSE. THE TRUTH OR FALSITY OF CATHOLICISM WAS NOT THE SUBJECT OF THESE THREADS. IT IS RUDE AND A VIOLATION OF RULE 1 TO CONTINUALLY DERAIL PEOPLE’S CONVERSATIONS ON OTHER TOPICS AND FORCE THEM ONTO YOUR OWN PET SUBJECT.
THE PURPOSE OF THE ALL-CAPS IS TO MAKE SURE THE PERSON BEING DISINVITED *SEES* THE DISINVITATION. IT DOESN’T COMMUNICATE ANGER.
Jesus drove the money changers out of the temple. He didn’t sound too happy either.
Thank you for ending that. The ignorance was both palpable and overwhelming.
I’ve run the gamet when it comes to the “confession style” of numerous priests. In the end, what matters is the absolution is valid, regardless of whether or not they are accompanied by words of comfort or even words of discomfort. Jesus still says: “I absolve you of your sins.” Praise God for His mercy!
I would just like to apologize to everyone for being a willing participant in the thread hijacking (at least in the George Lucas thread) that Jimmy mentioned. Ordinarily, I would have simply asked Franciso to wait until a more opportune time to express his anti-Catholicism, but as it seemed that the discussion was already underway, I got caught up in it.
See my comments, above, regarding comboxes and occasions of sin 🙁 This is not the first time I have been pulled into a side-tracked discussion in these comboxes. This is not likely to have to be my last apology, either, although I have a strategy for preventing participating in those sorts of discussions in the future.
Oh, well, I guess a thread on confession is a good place for an apology, sigh.
The Chicken
Chicken,
Don’t beat yourself up. The burden is on the one who hijacks a thread, not the people who respond to the entirely natural impulse to stand up to a troll.
Just because one feels condemnation does not mean there actually is condemnation from God or anyone else
Indeed, one should consider that that feeling of condemnation may be a temptation to despair — or a cross you must bear for some reason that God knows even if we don’t.
Thanks for the post. I know the feeling the email writer expresses. I have a few thoughts on extraordinarily mild penance given for serious sin:
First, it reminds me of how I feel sometimes standing in the Communion line. How can I accept this sacrament standing? I hear that there was a time when Communion was received on one’s knees, and that always seemed more appropriate to me. But even if I accepted it on my knees, would that make me any more worthy to receive the body and blood of Jesus? How can I have the audacity to approach the Eucharist at all?
The answer is that Jesus wants me to. I may not deserve the gift, but I will not refuse Jesus. He knows my worth, and sheds his blood for me anyway. If he wants me to approach him even as I am so that he can lift me up, who am I to argue? I can’t deserve it, but I can, at least, give thanks.
I feel the same way about reconciliation. It takes a certain audacity to ask for absolution in the first place, an audacity like that of the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’ garment (Luke 8:43-48) or of Mary, who sat listening to Jesus and let her sister do all the washing up. (Luke 10:38-42) God doesn’t look for perfect people and then heap his graces on them; in his love, he helps draw towards perfection those who accept his graces. Thanks be to God for his infinite wisdom and love!
In addition, I wonder whether your priest may not, in fact, have given you a very powerful and educational form of penance. When I receive Communion standing, with my head held high, it serves as a reminder to me of just how much (everything, really) God has given me, freely, without my having merited it in any way. By the same token, by giving you absolution for the “price” of a single Our Father, your confessor may have been trying to teach you something about God’s mercy and grace, which no amount of work or prayer or suffering on your part can ever merit.
I think others have adequately addressed the validity of your absolution, despite your persistent feelings of being weighed down by your sin. Give thanks for God’s mercy, and know that he will deal with your feelings in his own time and in his own way. There is a method to his madness, and his foolishness surpasses human wisdom. (1 Corinthians 1:25)
A few thoughts, as well, on the subject of repeated confessions for the same sin:
First, and most importantly, don’t give up hope! As Fr. Corapi says, the devil has two big lies. The first lie is “Go ahead and do it; it’s not that big a deal!” The next is “Gee, you’ve really messed up now; no way God can forgive you for that!” The first is crafted to lead you into sin; the next to keep you from reconciliation.
Can God forgive you if you keep committing the same sin over and over? Sure! Did not St. Peter deny him three times in one night? With such raw material, Jesus molded a great saint and our first pope.
What else does Jesus say about forgiveness? That God rains down his graces on the just and the unjust alike (Matthew 5:45) and expects the same of us (Matthew 5:48) even to the point of forgiving our brothers seventy times seven times. (Matthew 18:21-22) God’s repeated forgiveness of our sins, even when we stumble, is further evidence of his perfect love and mercy.
Also, don’t borrow trouble or try to take on tomorrow’s struggles today. When it comes to seeking the kingdom, consider the birds and the lilies. (Matthew 6:26-34) Sufficient for a day is its own evil; God will give you the grace to handle today’s temptations, but you must simply trust that he will give you the grace to handle tomorrow’s temptations tomorrow. Accept his help for today, and trust that he will not abandon you tomorrow.
(Incidentally, Alcoholics Anonymous has a very similar motto: “One day at a time.” When they make their resolutions, those resolutions are “just for today,” and they tell their members not to attempt the impossible task of giving up drinking all at once for good, telling them instead to take their problems as they come.)
Also, don’t be discouraged by the Mark Twains of the world. (Mark Twain famously said, “It’s easy to quit smoking. I’ve done it hundreds of times.”) Out of the hundreds of times you may quit smoking (or resolve to cease giving in to a particular sin) only one of them will be your last time. With God’s help, this time can be your last time, but if it isn’t, don’t get discouraged. It may seem impossible that you can be changed after repeated unsuccessful efforts, but for God all things are possible. (Matthew 19:26)
Finally, remember what you say in your act of contrition. “I firmly resolve with the help of thy grace… to amend my life.” You’re not in this alone; you have help from the very creator and sustainer of the universe, who loves you, and who will surely help you avoid sin if you ask him. Have the audacity to ask! Take it from me: it makes a huge difference.
Dear Jimmy,
Thank you for your kindness.
The Chicken
Here is what the Council of Trent has to say and it squares with what has been said, above by Jimmy and some comboxers:
If the roots of Penance are bitter, its fruit is sweet indeed … It restores us to the grace of God and unites us to Him in the closest friendship. In pious souls who approach this sacrament with devotion, profound peace and tranquillity of conscience together with ineffable joy of soul sometime accompany this reconciliation.”[My emphasis]
Dear San,
Thank you for highlighting, once again, why I left Protestantism. Posts like yours remind me how grateful I am to finally have the fullness of truth that is within the Catholic Church. 🙂
Thank you, Jimmy. This is a great post. I appreciate the insight. As someone that returned to the Church in my twenties and with little outside guidance, confession (never emphasized in my catechism) has always been a challenging endeavor for me both in the practice of it and during my frequent lapses. I took a lot away from both the post and the comments of many people here.
I recently came back to the church after being away for 40 years.
It was very difficult for me to go to confession. When I finally worked up the courage, I found that the priest who heard my confession was both kind and welcoming. When I finished he gave absolution and dismissed me. I asked if there was a penance and he said that he didn’t think a penance was appropriate. This seemed a little strange to me so after leaving I made up and said my own penance – as I recall ten our fathers and ten hail marys.
Later I came across something that indicated that the priest must give a penance for the confession to be good. This was very disturbing to me. During the time I was away from the church I had attended mass many times for various reasons but had never considered going to communion out of respect for the church’s teaching about the Holy Sacrament. But after going to confession I had gone to communion and the thought that I had done so unworthily bothered me — a lot.
I went to confession as soon as possible after this to a different priest who told me that my original confession was valid, just not complete, that I shouldn’t worry about receiving communion unworthily since I had acted in good faith, and that the penance from the current confession would serve to complete the previous confession.
I guess I’m writing this to indicate how a misplaced compassion can cause problems, even downright harm.
francisco2
Clever, man. No one will ever guess.
With very serious sins, it is not unusual to feel a sense of guilt, or sorrow, for a very long time. This is because, although we have been completely forgiven by god and restored to a state of grace, we have yet to make full reparation. Over time, perhaps years, the sense of guilt or sorrow can lessen, because our loving acts for God and neighbour, including going to Mass every Sunday, saying our prayers and making our confession, have all added up and are paying off the debt. After a long time our feelings of sorrow for some particular sin may have completely disappeared, because the debt is perhaps now paid, or nearly so.
I just left Lutheran church of Finland (same as Sweden) and came to Catholic church. When i had my first confession I felt all the horrible things washed away I had done in the past and felt very happy. Later I elapsed again and took the sacrament again. This time almost no feeling of anything although I know I confessed everything. Priest was tired after hard work (we have only one here, he is working day and night), I was feeling bad about what I did and repented but at the same time knew my weakness. I knew i could fall again even I had no desire to do anything like that. So this post helped me too a lot. Clarified a lot of issues. Thanks a lot for it.
I find that preparation makes a difference in the way I feel about my confession, recognizing that the way I feel has no bearing on the validity of the sacrament. On more than one occasion I have availed myself of the opportunity even though there was little time to prepare. That you may fall again in the same way is a given –you are essentially the same person you were before. The sacrament offers reconciliation, not rewiring.
After reading all these comments, which were very good, I just wanted to add that many times after confession, when you are still weighed down with that guilt, it is possibly that we have asked God for forgiveness, but we have not forgiven ourselves. We cannot let go of the guilt and shame, and therefore continue to carry a burden that God does not desire us to carry, but will not violate our free will.
I think the lesson here is that feelings may be wholly unrelated to our dispositions. The saints tell us that merit is in the will. Our feelings, on the other hand, are often beyond our control, and so we shouldn’t allow ourselves to be misled by them. Grace doesn’t always react upon our feelings.
Sometimes God deprives us of consolation in order to test our trust in Him. It also tests our love for Him: if we really love Him, we will love Him whether or not He gives us warm fuzzies. And if we really trust Him, then we will trust Him even when it’s hard. So when we feel lousy after making a good confession, or we feel nothing after making a good confession, this is a chance for us to practice love of and trust in God.