Global Warming To Increase Zombie Attacks!

William M. Briggs reports:

A new study by scientists has suggested that zombie attacks might increase if the current projections of global warming are realized. “If the earth gets warmer, it means longer springs, summers, and falls, and shorter winters,” said John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist who co-authored the study. “And shorter winters means more time for the undead to prey on the populace.”

GET THE STORY.

On the other hand, one of Briggs’ commenters suggests that this may be a self-correcting phenomenon:

The good news is that zombies have a significantly lower carbon
footprint than living humans. For example, if Al Gore became Zombie Al
Gore his utility usage and air travel would go from several hundred
tonnes of carbon per year to zero tonnes of carbon per year. . . .

Generalize these figures across the population and we can see an
inverse relationship between zombie attacks and carbon emissions
leading in time to a reduction or reversal of warming trends and
consequently of favorable zombie habitat. A new stable state might be
brought about within a matter of decades provided zombie outbreaks can
be encouraged in heavy emitting states including mainland China.

Meanwhile, Transterrestrial Musings suggests that the real cause of global warming is the sun and that changes in the sun’s activity will actually lead to a decrease in zombie attacks, stating:

Take that, undead!

Zombies and vampires. Is there any problem the sun can’t fix?

GET THAT STORY.

Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

43 thoughts on “Global Warming To Increase Zombie Attacks!”

  1. Now, see? I didn’t know that zombies were adversely affected by cold weather.
    So, I learned something today.
    I DID know that you should never let zombies bite you, and that you should always “go for the head”.

  2. John Carpenter-Romero, Ph.D., a zombie-ologist

    “Carpenter-Romero” = funny.
    “Zombie-ologist” = should have tried harder. If nothing else, “zombiologist” practically screams to be used. (What would the Latin be for “undead”?)
    (P.S. I would have called the experts Romero Carpenter and Jackson Raimi.)

  3. A GW-Zombie link? Now THAT has my attention. We’ll be taking appropriate precautions, for sure. And on behalf of my children, THANK YOU JIMMY.

  4. For example, if Al Gore became Zombie Al Gore his utility usage and air travel would go from several hundred tonnes of carbon per year to zero tonnes of carbon per year

    This, for me, is the hardest thing to buy about all this. In the first place, I thought most the consensus among zombiologists was that Al Gore already is a zombie. And even if he isn’t, surely the difference can’t be that great?

  6. If I am not mistaken, the suffix -ology comes from greek. So I suppose the study of the undead would be Anecrology.
    I always thought Al Gore was undead.

  8. You know, this actually makes perfect sense. I mean, look at medieval Europe, back during the warm period. If generic Dungeons and Dragons-style fantasy novels and ADOM have taught me anything (and they have), it was that your average medieval cemetery erupted into a plague of zombies sometimes two, three times a night. Now a days, in this colder world of ours, not so much. But it looks like the shambling hordes of the undead are ready to make a comeback, and I, for one, welcome our new revenant overlords!
    Al Gore became Zombie Al Gore
    A splendid idea! I second the motion!
    Wait, does that mean if I get bitten by Al Gore, I’d BECOME Al Gore? Hm . . . I might have to go be an hero, if that happened.

  11. Wait, does that mean if I get bitten by Al Gore, I’d BECOME Al Gore?
    I don’t think anybody should aspire to get bitten by Al Gore.

  24. Visit Zombies are Coming.com for all your zombie invasion planning needs.
    Does anyone remember that causistic thought experiment on the liceity of killing a relative who has been infected by a zombie, but is not yet murderous? I saw it on some blog.
    Didn’t jimmyakin.org used to be about apologetics?

  25. Didn’t jimmyakin.org used to be about apologetics?
    Unfortunately, Mr. Jones, the blog has devolved into a potpourri of other ‘stuff’.

  26. Zeno,
    Jimmy’s been too busy with his apologetics job to do apologetics here.
    I wouldn’t say the blog has ‘devolved’ at all.

  27. Fortunately, I’m friends with one of the developers of the American Red Cross’s plan for a Zombie outbreak. At least that is what he claimed, he and some Red Cross friends of his wrote out a plan for dealing with a major outbreak of Zobieism, basically treating it as an epidemic, and filed it with other emergency plans.

  29. With this post, All of Jimmy is back!
    Welcome back, Mr. Akins!
    I, for one, like the entire package.

  30. I find this reasoning unconvincing. If anything, it’s the other way around: a zombie attack would likely serve to increase global warming.
    Let’s assume an outbreak on the scale of that of Max Brooks’ World War Z, which, if I recall correctly, saw the eventual death of 5/6ths of the world’s population, with (let’s say) three quarters of that number having become zombies at some point as a result.
    So. 3.75 billion zombies walking around. That is, 3.75 billion corpses. Decomposing corpses. Releasing the gases that are a result of this decomposition. These gases aren’t being trapped underground like usual, or negated entirely through cremation, but rather wafted into the atmosphere.
    Oh no!

  31. I enjoyed the link, Jimmy. As for you not doing as much apologetics… well, I don’t see a lot of the complainers posting URLS to their blogs so we can all read their apologetics. Instead, they post to complain when you do show up. It’s kind of like neighbourhood kids who show up when you’re barbecuing chicken and complain ’cause you aren’t making steak nor offering them a beer, as the case may be.

  32. So global warming will either cause more Zombies or less Zombies? perhaps the Zombie population will just stay the same? Who knows.

  33. I think the whole thing is metaphorically true (hehe). At work I am continuously attacked when I express the opinion that global warming is probably not human caused. In case you are wondering, I am an R&D Chemist. I ask them what evidence is there that it is human induced? The common response is that “There is consensus on this in the climatic fields”. When I point out that the consensus really isn’t as broad as the media and ALGORE has made it sound that it is, they say “well you don’t really want to believe it is caused by humans that is why you say this!” They might as well be zombies, they try to eat my brain, and they don’t seem willing to think about it themselves.

  35. Great Post! It helped me to make sense of some of the issues with the subject. I find your style very informative and can’t wait to read more. There is another good blog on the subject that I was going through some time back.

  36. This would be your basic spam. I wonder if the spammer has any idea how silly it sounds, particularly on this thread?

  39. Thanks, Jimmy. You’ve been a valuable resource for two posts on my blog in the past week. One post was on the serious threats to our souls, and I referenced your Lent Fight FAQ. The other was on the serious threats to our bodies, and you were a big help again.

  41. I thought this blog was supposed to be centered on apologetics? Not much use coming here anymore for this kind of material…

  42. I thought this blog was supposed to be centered on apologetics? Not much use coming here anymore for this kind of material…
    The Age of Apologetics is over…
    …the Age of Zombies is about to begin!

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