Secret Chinese Weather Manipulation Program Uncovered!

Chinese_fansBeijing (DAILY PLANET) — Western diplomats were shocked when photographic proof emerged of the secret Chinese weather manipulation program.

As part of the new Cold War, Chinese officials have circumvented the technological gap by ordering their population of one billion to line the Great Wall and manipulate global weather patterns by waving fans in unison and generating powerful winds.

"It’s staggering that they could think they could get away with something like this," said Wink Blinkley of the State Department. "This is a clear act of hostility, and we have strongly protested this action of the Chinese government. Next week we will be introducing a U.N. Security Council resolution dealing with this alarming turn of events."

Climate experts said that the Chinese weather manipulation effort could harm crops in various countries–particularly China’s competitors in population-heavy Southeast Asia–disrupting food supplies and economies.

"It could go even further than that," said author Michael Crichton. "This may well be responsible for the phenomenon of global warming. The Chinese may have been playing the West for suckers by redirecting warm air currents, trying to hobble our own economies by forcing us to take draconian steps in dealing with a phenomenon that has been a hoax all along, giving them time to catch up to the West in economic development."

Tensions between Washington and Beijing have spiked since the photographic evidence of the Chinese program emerged. Speaking on background, officials in the White House compared its potential significance to that of the Cuban Missle Crisis, which occurred in the 1960s when a U.S. spy plane provided photographic evidence that the Soviet Union was basing strategic missles in Cuba.

"We sincerely hope that ‘Operation Red Fan’ will not lead to that kind of confrontation between superpowers," said one official.

Developments in technology since the 1960s played a role in uncovering the secret Chinese program. Evidence of Operation Red Fan (which in Mandarin can also mean "Operation Hot Wind") was not collected by a spy plane but by a tourist with a cell phone camera.

"I can’t give any details on precisely how this photo arrived in our hands," said Blinkley, "but let’s just say that the photo has touched off a crisis that is Cingular in the history of Sino-American relations."

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Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

26 thoughts on “Secret Chinese Weather Manipulation Program Uncovered!”

  3. “Great. Just great. ‘Meet me at the Great Wall,’ she says. ‘I’ll be the one holding the red fan,’ she says.”

  6. It could be the longest line of people in history; maybe they were trying to get into Guinness. (Why am I suddenly thirsty?)

  7. It’ll never work. We have the biggest blowhards in the world right in Washington DC. Just adjourn congress for an hour and call for a group press conference on the East steps of the Capital building.

  10. Oh, oh…the Chinese are trying to break the Sixth Seal. They have no idea what they are doing…This could be the end…”And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig, when she is shaken of a MIGHTY WIND.” Where is Superman when you need him???

  17. Well, it appears that the Chinese are trying to remind us that they are, after all, Communists, and are aligned with North Korea. >:->

  18. “5,300 volunteers took part in the event, part of a series to gear up the Chinese capital for China’s first ever summer Olympic games.”
    “volunteers.” Yeah, right.

  20. “”I can’t give any details on precisely how this photo arrived in our hands,” said Blinkley, “but let’s just say that the photo has touched off a crisis that is Cingular in the history of Sino-American relations.””
    I hope the writer meant “singular”. I don’t believe this would be any sort of cellular moment in history… :/

  21. Oddly enough, the Boxers Association did actually accuse Westerners of causing the droughts of the late 19th/early 20th century by standing (naked) on their rooftops and using bewitched fans to blow away rain-clouds.
    Sorry for the intrusion of my nerd-dom here.

  22. “Where is Superman when you need him???”
    He’s in the picture, near the upper left, but his back is to the camera, so all you see is his cape. (What reporter did you think broke the story?)

  25. ‘The Chinese found a solution for Global Warming.’
    I knew this was fake when I saw the Red Fan/Hot Wind thing. That’s like saying ‘Beef Stew’ means ‘Fried Hamburger’. 😀

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