A reader writes:
I was wondering if you might be able to help me with a problem that has been plaguing me for months now – and only seems to be getting much, much worse.
I think I’m suffering from a case of scruples – and my latest challenge has been trying to determine a boundary between what movies and television shows are appropriate and inappropriate to watch. Of course, I avoid watching blatantly dirty movies and television – but I started to wonder (and torture myself over) where the line can be drawn. As far as television is concerned, I wouldn’t watch something like Sex in the City because, in my opinion, the content of that show offers nothing except a sense of "see, everyone is doing it" to those who chose to live an immoral lifestyle…but what about a show I have always loved (although is sometimes a little racy) Seinfeld? Why is that appropriate for me to watch, or is it?
Then, as far as movies are concerned, how dirty is too dirty? I know to avoid movies with hard-core nudity and pornographic love scenes, but should I also avoid every movie that contains the flashing of a naked bosom, a glimpse of a buttock, the suggestion of promiscuity? Or is it possible to draw a boundary between the dirty movie and the less dirty movie??
I have asked my husband and family members, and no one seems to be able to give me a solid answer. Everyone keeps telling me that I’m being silly and over-sensitive, but I absolutely cannot rid myself of the feeling that I am going to be eternally damned for watching something that seems as harmless as Seinfeld. I have been driving my husband more and more insane as my sensitivity grows (although so far he has been a pretty good sport about it). I won’t watch our favorite tv shows because an immoral situation might come up, or this movie because it may have a dirty scene, or this movie because it shows a woman’s bare bosom through her shirt…it goes on and on…
Can you shed any light on this problem for me??
Yes, I had this problem, too, when I was a relatively new Christian and started scrupuling over where to draw the line. It’s common for folks to go through phases like this, so don’t worry about it. It’s normal.
The key to understanding what is not okay for you to watch is figuring out when you will be tempted to sin due to the content that you are exposed to. That’s the reason it becomes immoral to watch something.
It does not matter if you see (or hear or read about) someone doing something immoral as long as you are not tempted to do something immoral as a result.
For example: The Bible recounts stories in which it mentions people who burn their children to the pagan god Moloch.
Now: If you are a recovering Moloch-worshipper and could be tempted to burn your children to Moloch if you read those passages then you should not read them.
But if you are not a recovering Moloch-worshipper–if you are a person with a normal, non-Moloch-worshipping background–then you are very, very, very unlikely to be tempted to burn your children to Moloch (or anybody else) by reading such passages. As a result, they are safe for you. In fact, such passages are likely to actually strengthen your resolve not to be a Moloch-worshipper because of the fact that Moloch-worshippers do disgusting things like burn their children to him.
Same principle goes for everything else: If it tempts you such that you are likely to sin then you should avoid it. If it doesn’t, then it’s not a problem.
So: If your favorite TV programs or movies you want to see contain material that make it likely that you will go out and commit a sexually immoral act then you shouldn’t watch them.
Similarly: If they make it likely that you will willfully fantasize about committing such an act then you shouldn’t watch them.
If they make slight moments of temptation that you can easily resist pass through your mind then we are into relatively safe territory.
If they cause you to be revulsed by the immoral things characters are doing then we’re definitely on safe ground.
I’ve never really watched Seinfeld. I saw enough of it to realize that it wasn’t my cup of tea. I thought the characters in it were too cruel and amoral for the kind of comedy I enjoy. (Though I did think the Soup Nazi bit I saw was funny: "No soup for you!") But unless Seinfeld is tempting you to do or willfulling fantasize about doing gravely immoral stuff then you certainly will not be eternally damned for watching it.
Similarly, you being a woman, a movie with a woman’s bare breast showing through her shirt is not very likely to tempt you into doing or willfully fantasizing about anything gravely immoral. (Your husband is a different story, but let him be the judge of that; do not try to make that decision for him, especially while in a scrupulous state.)
It also is not reasonable to refuse to watch (or read or listen to) something because a temptation might come up. Temptations are going to come up in life. You can’t stop them from doing so. Even if you put yourself in a sensory deprivation tank, your own mind would manufacture its own temptations.
If we try to utterly avoid all temptation then we will end up hurting ourselves. Just think of how impoverished your life would be if you lived in a sensory deprivation tank and never got to see your husband (and children, if you have any).
What we have to do is take a risk-management approach to temptation. Life involves risk, and temptation is one such risk. We have to make the best judgment call we can based on the info we have. If what we know about a TV show/movie/book/whatever tells us that it will pose a significant temptation to us then we should avoid it.
Otherwise, we should not be scrupulous about it.
I should note that if we expose ourselves to a lot of material containing risk-laden material then it can have a cumulative, corrosive effect over a long period of time, and that is a danger to watch out for. (I.e., getting us to lower our threshold little by little until we are vulnerable to temptations that we didn’t used to be.)
But this is not the position you are in right now. You’re currently suffering from scruples so far as you can tell. The opposite danger–laxism–is one to watch out for, but you can’t let the danger of laxism drive you further into scrupulosity. The thing to do is try to get a balanced, healthy appraisal of things–and maintain it.
That means accepting some risks but rejecting others. Over time, if you try to be self-reflective about what poses a significant temptation to you and what doesn’t, you’ll figure it out.
Good luck, and good viewing!
20
Great points, Jimmy.
I would add that, while watching most individual shows is a judgement call, there are certain shows that you can decide against as entertainment purely on content.
You brought up “Sex in the City”, and that’s a good example. There are simply too many bad things being promoted as good in that show to consider it entertaining to any but the most severely desensitized or sexually uninterested. Still, even in that case it could be considered a judgement call.
Seinfeld just barely crosses the line for me, but that’s totally a personal opinion. Some episodes are hilarious, but once I saw the one where the writers made fun of Elaine’s new boyfriend because he was pro-life (and also establishing Elaine and company as firmly pro-abortion) I couldn’t go any further with it.
We also just quit watching Boston Legal at my house for the same reason, a pro-abortion episode. That’s my “line” issue — if a show meaningfully crosses the abortion line, it’s out.
Anyone else have shows they struggle with?
Family Guy bugs me, because the pacing, the writing and character set I find really entertaining, generally, but in every show it seems they have to do something patently offensive.
I’m sure this is intentional, because being offensive is considered funny in itself these days, and commonly passes for comedy. It’s also easier than writing truly funny material.
The shame is that they really could make it hilarious without resorting to anything like that, just based on the strengths of the show.
I can’t say it tempts me to sin at all… just leaves me shaking my head, sometimes.
Great post, Jimmy. I am addicted to “The Sopranos,” which I think is a brilliant modern take on all those Greek tragedies that covered entire families. I do not watch it because I am immoral, believing in whacking people, etc., but because it is one of the truest pictures of sin, its wages, its consequences that I have ever seen. There have been some violent scenes that I shut my eyes for, but there have also been some moving moments that show the humanity and image of God within each persons – no matter how distorted. It deserves every one of the accolades it has ever received, though I admit it can be tough to watch and is NOT for kids.
Friendly suggestion: turn the thing off for Lent.
After six or so weeks without it, you might well discover:
1. there are lots of better things to do with your time: laundry, housecleaning, balancing checkbook, exercise, volunteer, spiritual reading, pray, etc.
2. you’re not missing anything.
After 32 years without television, I just can’t imagine wasting my time sitting in front of the idiot box.
I do watch some movies on DVD, and even a few old televisio series on DVD, on my computer.
But the advantage here is that I have pretty much complete control over what I watch, and when I watch it. Without commercials.
Tim I feel exactly the same way about that show. I feel bad laughing at it.
Master Zhou, you are right, of course. Sadly, the box has me firmly in its grip. I do not yet have the strength to throw it, even for the season of Lent.
Maybe next year . . .
Yes, there are good programs (even ones that feature kids in 6th – 9th graders who aren’t rude to parents, may fight with sibs but clearly love and defend them,etc.), but as a rule, I find it safer to keep the thing off. Not having cable helps. Having kids helps. They have so little patience for what passes for middle school humor that as often as not, they quit watching and pick up a book.
The longer you don’t watch, the more discerning your taste becomes. I find I have little patience for what passes for humor on TV. I’m a bit of a pop culture snob, admittedly, but I’ve read some great books in the meantime.
I gave up TV and movies for Lent.
The thing I realized is that when I watch movies all the time (decent ones even) I find the scenes running through my mind ALL the TIME! Normal, benign scenes I’m talking about. (I have already given up watching really scary/gory or really sex-laden stuff for this reason.)
So although it will be a sacrifice to give up movies for Lent, I am looking forward to cleansing my mind of all the extra clutter!
Thanks for that post, Louise. That’s exactly the problem I have! Somehow the medium has an extraordinary power to grip the visual memory, to the point that I find it hard to focus on things for while after watching a movie.
The same goes for my kids. We don’t watch movies or TV often, so when we do I see a BIG behavioral change for several hours afterwards. I can only imagine that they are feeling the same way I do….
“There are lots of better things to do with your time: laundry, housecleaning, balancing checkbook, exercise, volunteer, spiritual reading, pray, etc.”
Phooey. I attend Morning Prayer and Mass DAILY, run a million-dollar mom-and-pop business, volunteer out the wazoo, raise my kids, read more than anyone I have ever heard of in my life, AND I watch 2-3 hours of TV a week. Big whoop.
I will admit that my house cleaning is a wee bit slack, however….. 🙁
Forgot to mention that I hit the health club right after Mass every day, so I have exercise covered too. And in the summer I sail, hike, swim, etc. etc. etc.
Just saying that a little tv and the good life(spiritually and otherwise) are not mutually exclusive.
Great post, Jimmy – thanks!
I gave up TV 5 years ago – I used to watch a lot of it – when I moved into a apartment & didn’t feel like payin’ $50 a month for cable. Two things happened: 1) As Zhou pointed out, I realized I was missin’ nothing & could always watch what I wanted to watch on DVD & 2) That the vast majority of TV was worthless & wasteful of time. Can’t tell you how many books I got read!
Now I live where the cable’s kinda free so I watch a couple shows a week – mayby 2-5 hours of TV per week. Stayin’ away for so long, I now have no desire to go back.
Anon, no disrespect. But if your TV viewing is only 2-3 hours a week, then giving it up is no big deal. If your TV viewing is 2-3 hours a day, then giving up TV for Lent is a big deal, and bravo to those who do.
Oh, and I am giving up TV for lent too. My TV watching runs 10-12 hours a week. House, MD and 24 will be especially hard to give up.
Thank you so much for commenting on this! I’ve been having some major problems with this myself, and this post really helped me out.
It is not impossible to seperate your opinion of a TV show’s views with your enjoyment of it. I am a West Wing addict, and I have yet to run into an issue on which I agree with their politics. And this from a Catholic president…
RULE 20 VIOLATIONS DELETED, FOLKS!
(Jason: Your posts weren’t Rule 20 violations but were enmeshed in responding to them. Thanks for your efforts!)
“Jimmy, You addressed the initial question in a sensative manner, and in context to being scrupulous. In that context, I agree with your post.”
Brian –
I think that is the thing to remember, that Jimmy made his comments in the context of avoiding excessive scrupulosity.
A scrupulous person might feel that they shouldn’t watch any program that depicts any sinful activity at all (which would mean simply giving up TV entirely).
Jimmy,
I often think you’re the like the big brother that I would like to have but don’t. You put things in such a nice way. Thank you for your very charitible posts.
Michael, do you know why your post was deleted? Check Rule 20 here. http://www.jimmyakin.org/2004/06/da_rulz.html Such a comment would make a good email, but there’s a reason not to make it here.
Michael, again, *please* check the link I gave to the rules.
But Jimmy are there not scences that can show things that of nature should be private regardless of what temptation it provides to the individual?
RULE 20 VIOLATION DELETED.
Mr. Akin, have you ever seen the very last episode of Sienfeld? Do you know what happens at the end of the show.
I’ll give you a spoiler.
All four of the main characters are sent to jail, because of all the problems they caused people in the past. So, I guess even those who produced the show realized all of the characters on it were evil.
Also: Best. Ending. Ever!
Straussians and Moloch-worshippers…
I meant to blog this article a month ago. It’s very funny. I Am Not a Straussian. At least, I Don’t Think I Am. By Robert Kagan I JUST WANT TO MAKE clear that I am not a Straussian….
RULE 20 VIOLATION DELETED.
Also: Best. Ending. Ever!
While it was funny to see all their foibles catch up to them, I didn’t like the last show. It was too “out there”. I think it would have been better if they had done a regular show. That was the heart of Seinfeld, not the wackiness, but the everyday funny events.
Thank you for an excellent post. It is the kind of thing that runs across my mind now and then. It is good to hear an answer that makes sense.
A better ending for “Seinfeld” would have been to have it all turn out to be Bob Newhart’s dream. 🙂
Yeah, I have to vote for the last episode of the second Bob Newhart Show as the Best. Ending. Ever.
It helped if you were old enough to remember the original Bob Newhart series.
I was old enough.
Laughed till I cried!
As a recent convert to Catholicism, I can understand the “should I, shouldn’t I” confusion. But good, old common sense should help us all balance our choices in viewing/reading, etc. For example, even before my conversion, I had stopped reading Stephen King novels (I had read many) because what we put in our minds, stays in our minds and I knew I just didn’t need that stuff! On the other hand, agreeing with Jimmy that if you are not being tempted…. I do read Harry Potter and love the books & the movies – I’m not the least bit tempted to try to cast a spell or anything else portrayed in those fantasy books.
As far as TV goes, the only show that I’ve seen once or twice and gave up for moral reasons was Will & Grace. Just trash, IMHO. (Also Sex and the City for same reasons…)
If a movie is only a little bad or a tv show the same it is still bad theirfor sin! sin is sin is sin and it seperates us from the father! Besides the time you spend watching movies or tv you should study your bible pray or go to church! We were created to worship God not the tv or the silver screen
There is at least one question that this post doesn’t address. What about laughing at a comedy that is crude? You may not be tempted to say similarly crude jokes, but by laughing at them you are, in a way, giving assent to them.