A reader e-mails this press release from The Catholic League:
December 9, 2005
HOLIDAY CAROLS
In keeping with the spirit of political correctness, the Catholic League recommends the adoption of the following songs at Holidaytime:
“I’m Dreaming of a White Holiday”; “O Holiday Tree”; “All I Want for The Holiday Is My Two Front Teeth; “We Wish You a Merry Holiday”; “The Twelve Days of the Holiday”; “The Holiday Song”; “Rockin’ Around The Holiday Tree”; “You’re All I Want For The Holiday”; “Baby’s First Holiday”; “Do They Know It’s The Holiday”; “Merry Holiday Darling”; “I’ll Be Home For The Holiday”; “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like The Holiday”; “Blue Holiday”; “The Holiday Waltz”; “Holly Jolly Holiday”; “So This Is The Holiday”; “Merry, Merry Holiday Baby”; “Have Yourself a Merry Little Holiday”; “Twas the Night Before The Holiday”; “Holiday Serenade”; “Feliz Vacaciones.”
Can you think up any more holiday songs that the Catholic League might ought to add to their list?
“The First Holiday”
Also, since Santa Claus is a Catholic saint, that’s taboo, so here are some more possibilities:
“I Saw Mommy Kissing Daddy”
“The Fat Guy Is Coming to Town”
“Here Comes the Fat Guy”
Amy Grant’s “Tennessee Holiday” is one of my favorites. And another of hers is “A Holiday to Remember”.
Also, “O come, O come, you Holiday”
Don’t forget to exclude Mary from Christmas, why not change “Ave Maria” to “Ave Mater”
Almost forgot to mention Alabama’s rewritten “Holiday in Dixie.”
Good heavens, how can we force our beliefs down other people’s throats by using an adaptation of our term “holy day?” Let’s substitute “Arbitrary annual day or period during which no work is done.”
It’s not just the word Christmas that offends, so I offer the following suggested changes also;
“The State Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen”
“Oh Come, All Ye Faithless”
“We Three Duly Elected Representatives”
and don’t forget-
“Hau’oli Lanui” (That’s Hawaiian… instead of “Mele Kalikimaka”)
Should “Angels, we have heard on high” be changed to “Judges, we have heard on high”?
Go to http://www.olga.net and lookup Christmas.
Just a few missing ones:
“Holiday Time is Here”
“Holiday in Tunisia”
“Holiday in Killarny”
BTW, a little bit off topic, but do the lyrics for “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause” bother anybody else?
Uh-HUH.
That’s really amusing and ought to make a point.
“BTW, a little bit off topic, but do the lyrics for ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause’ bother anybody else?”
Why should they? I looked them up, just to make sure of my recollection of them, and the story of the song is that a little kid spies on Mommy kissing Santa. The “punchline” is that the kid assumes that Santa is real and misses the obvious: That Daddy is dressed as Santa.
“Early Holiday Morning” by Cyndi Lauper
“Merry Holiday, Baby” by Bruce Springsteen
“Happy Holiday” by John Lennon
… this is getting ridiculous
You want ridiculous?
I actually heard “We Wish You a Happy Holiday” on a commercial Sunday night.
Martin, are you sure that wasn’t “We Wish You a Happy Honda-day”? That one’s been on for a few weeks now.
Matthew, that is scary.
“Simply Having A Wonderful Holiday Time”
“I’m Gettin’ Nuttin’ For The Holiday”
“I Want A Hippopotamus For The Holidays”
Okay, I do have to say that the term “Happy Holidays” has been around since before I was a kid (in the sixties, FYI), and I don’t find it THAT objectionable.
I always understood it to be shorthand for the Big Three holidays; Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year’s.
It’s true, some people now use it as a replacement for “Christmas” – some innocently, and some in a cynical way.
I wouldn’t get too twisted up about it, though, except in ludicrous cases like the “holiday tree” and similar junk.
I do think that retailers who go grubbing after your Christmas cash had better figure out which side their bread is buttered on. If nothing else, it is just a market reality that most shoppers identify with the Christian holiday traditions.
Gene–Probably. I know it was a car commercial, and I don’t watch enough television to catch that many ads.
I don’t particularly like the “I saw Mommy kissing Santa” song either. The problem I have with it is that the kid doesn’t know it’s Daddy, but yet seems to think it’s a good thing.
If my son saw me kissing some man that he thought wasn’t his dad, no matter how great a man it was, I wouldn’t want him to be happy about it.
I know it’s just supposed to be a fun song and adults think it’s cute because they know Santa is Daddy. (But what do kids who believe in Santa think about the song? Maybe they don’t think that hard about song lyrics…?)
Tim, I agree. I don’t care if someone says “Happy Holidays” unless they are deliberately obliterating “Christmas” to do it.
C’mon people, you have to get into the spirit! It’s not every day of the year we get to celebrate the birth of HolidayMan! You know, the man who Holiday Book would predict would come and give us a lifetime supply of cheap affordable goods made by exploited child laborers and stylish polo shirts!
For me, the disturbing thing about I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus is that the most popular version is sung by a young Jehovah’s Witness Michael Jackson.
If anyone has a reason to be offended by the word “holiday” it would have been him…
Dr. Donahue needs to work on his grammar. It should be “Felices Vacaciones”. 😉
Here’s a recent column by John Leo Dr Ray Guerendi mentioned on his show this morning that totally fits this thread:
http://www.realclearpolitics.com/Commentary/com-12_11_05_JL.html
Heh… at the local Theology on Tap the diocesan chancellor seemed to think this was a news release about actual song lyric rewrites. He’s started an urban legend.
Check out the URL I posted, Kevin – those are actual song lyric rewrites in the first paragraph!
Unbelievable, though it may be!