A reader writes:
I’ve listened to you numerous times on the radio and have a feeling you’re a good person to ask the following question:
My husband and I have been married for many years, raised practicing Catholic children, and are in the process of having our marriage convalidated in the Church. He is learning and studying the catechism and is interested in converting at some point (raised Mormon). After Midnight Mass, he asked me why I am not considered worthy to receive the Eucharist at this point but so many people who attend Mass once or twice a year (the C & E’s!) are able to receive. I have to admit that this bothers me a great deal. It is painful to sit and watch so many people, including those who are non-Catholic, standing in line to receive the Eucharist. How can I explain this? Thanks for your help.
This is a very sensitive question, but I’ll try to answer it as best I can.
The basic answer is that neither persons in your situation (if I understand it correctly) nor the C & Es should be receiving Communion. The difference is that the C & Es don’t seem to know better, whereas you do. This makes your experience more painful than theirs, but it also means that you are better in conformity with God’s will in an important respect, which should be a source of comfort.
Having given the basic answer, I’ll try to flesh it out.
Here’s where it gets really sensitive.
I assume from what you have said that you are a Catholic who, years ago, got married outside the Church without a dispensation from observing the Catholic form of marriage. (If this is not your situation then the following answer does not apply.)
This means that a valid marriage was prevented from coming into existence at that point. Until you have your marriage convalidated, therefore, you are not objectively married and to have marital relations with someone to whom you are not married is objectively and gravely sinful.
It is the presence of this objectively grave sin that prevents you from being able to receive Communion. The situation may be solved either by not having such relations or by having the union convalidated so that there will be an objectively real marriage and the relations will no longer be sinful. If either of these things happens then it will be possible to go to confession and begin receiving Communion.
(NOTE: The fact that a valid marriage did not come into existence when you first attempted it does NOT mean that your children are illegitimate. Assuming that EITHER you OR your husband entered the marriage believing it to be a real marriage then the children will be legitimate.)
The reason that C & E only Catholics should not be receiving Communion is that they are gravely bound to attend Mass each Sunday and holy day of obligation unless prevented from attending by an excusing cause.
Most of them do not have such causes, and those who do not have them are failing to fulfill an obligation that binds gravely and thus also are objectively gravely sinning.
Thus THEY should not be receiving Commuion, either, until such time as they start fulfilling their Sunday and holy day obligations and go to confession.
At least this applies in the archtypical case. (The answer may be affected by the level of knowledge and culpability an individual has.)
I know this is a difficult answer, but I’ve tried to explain it as straightforwardly and simply as I can.
The fact that you are taking steps to rectify your marital situation and that you are refraining from receiving holy Communion until you do reveals that God is working in your heart and that you are responding to his grace by working to bring your situation into conformity with his will–which is ultimately for the good of your own soul and those of your family.
This is a cause for rejoicing and, in the interim, the Church acknowledges and appreciates your efforts and wants to make you feel welcome and a part of the Catholic community. Pope Benedict has personally stressed the need to understand the pain that is experienced by couples in your situation and the need to reach out to them, to help them feel connected to the Church and to God, and to live the Catholic life.
God loves you, and the Church and the pope do, too.
20
Jimmy,
Thank you for this post. I am starting the process of seeking an annulment for my first marriage and have struggled a great deal with feeling ‘unwanted’ in the church.
I was married years ago in the Church because that was what our parents wanted, my wife at the time and I could not have cared less as neither of us were (at the time) practicing catholics. After a 5 year train wreck of a marriage, we divorced. Since then I have met and married a wonderful woman who has helped me find my way back to the Church.
I’m meeting with my parish priest in January to start the annulment process and provided it is successful, will seek to have my current marriage convalidated.
Every Sunday, I struggle with my inability to receive communion but pray to unite myself spiritually with Christ, and pray that those who are able to recieve are doing so with full realization of the great gift they are being given and are open to the grace it provides.
To know that Pope Benedict has personally remarked on his love and hope for those in situations like mine is a great comfort. It’s oftentimes hard to feel like a part of the Church community (both parish and wider) when we are constantly remided of our inability to fully participate in the Mass. My hope is that more Catholics in my situation will realize that the Chuch and God yearn for their return, however difficult and trying that process can be.
Sorry to be so long winded, but I wanted to let you know that your post was a great comfort to me during a trying time. Thank you!
One of our curates announced at a Christmas Day Mass that Catholics who attend Mass every Sunday and ‘Catholics’ who might attend Mass only a couple of times a year are in the same standing in God’s eyes!
Of course the gazillian people who were in the church all came to receive Holy Communion.
Sharon, that really stinks.
Joe, your comments really moved me. By refraining from receiving right now, you are bearing tremendous witness to the value of Holy Communion. I only wish more Catholics would learn from your example. God bless.
In response to this question, aren’t the C&E “catholics” actually committing a mortal sin by recieving Christ in the eucharist while in a state of mortal sin? This should make the original writer feel better about their love of God by not partaking of communion and also that suffering for God is always a wonderful, although difficult thing at times. Peace be with you all… Kurt
My understanding about children and “legitimacy” is that this is a civil construct, not a matter of canon law. Is that not correct?
The C&E Catholics I know are so ignorant of the requirement to attend Mass that their culpability could very well be greatly reduced.
I do admire divorced Catholics who abstain from the Sacrament, but they should remember that the reason they need to abstain is because they are presumed to be in a state of mortal sin.
I would highly recommend any remarried Catholic seeking an annulment to discuss with their parish priest the possibility of living as “brother and sister” while the annulment is in progress. This could open the door to receiving the Sacraments immediately. Seems like a sacrifice worth making to receive our Lord in the Eucharist. It would also bring the person into God’s grace, which could make a huge difference, for we know not the hour the Master comes.
Does anyone know the limit as to the number of annulments a Catholic is permitted ? I was told one, but know of some Catholics who have multiple annulments.
I am also puzzled why Americans, the most educated and literate people in the world, account for 80% of the yearly worldwide annulments when we account for only 5% of the Catholic marriages.Does anyone have a clue to unlock this mystery.
In response to the post by Sharon, I hope that maybe she misunderstood this “curate”. Was he a priest, a deacon, or laity? We ARE all equal in God’s eyes and that He loves us the same, but to encourage those in the state of mortal sin to receive Jesus in the Holy Eucharist is basically blasphemous. If this is an ordained man, his bishop should be made aware of this incorrect teaching… Kurt
If the church eliminated the restriction for divorced and remarried Catholic to receive communion what would that say to divorced Catholics who have not remarried and now live a life of celibacy so that they can be in communion with the Faith
It seems that in the last 40 years more concern has been given to those who ignore church teachings than those who try their best to follow it.