A reader writes:
I want to know if sinful thoughts are mortal sins.
It depends. They can be, but they often aren’t. For a sin of thought to be mortal, three conditions must be met: (1) the thought must involve grave matter (like inflicting grave harm on someone else), (2) you have to know that the thought is gravely sinful, and (3) you have to deliberately endorse the thought (as opposed to having it flit through your mind and you resist it).
When I bring them to the confessional, the priest(s) tell me that I am being overly critical of myself.
This may be the case. Many people scruple unnecessarily about sins of thought and are too hard on themselves. Frequently they confuse temptation with sinning. Having a thought and feeling a pull toward the thought is just temptation. It only crosses the line into sin when you deliberately endorse the thought.
I have had thoughts of resentment and jealously towards others.
Unless you are wishing grave harm on these people (e.g., that they die, that they experience horrible pain, that they have their lives or careers wrecked) then this is probably not a mortal sin because the matter isn’t grave.
I have also had thoughts of attraction towards other men (even though I am married).
This may just be temptation. Everybody is tempted in some way. These thoughts only become mortally sinful if you say, "I don’t care if it’s gravely sinful to have impure thoughts about this guy. I’m going to indulge myself in these thoughts anyway."
Can you offer any words on what the church wants me to do with bad thoughts?
Do your best to ignore them and put them out of your mind. Say a quick prayer. Think about something else. Just relax and ignore them.
Also, don’t go into detail about these thoughts in confession. That will be likely to stir up the thoughts and reinforce them.
If you believe that you need to confess them, do it very simply. Just say "I have had thoughts of resentment and jealousy toward others. I have had impure thoughts."–and then leave it at that! If the priest needs to ask a follow-up question, he will. But don’t burden yourself by trying to describe the details for him unless he asks. Just confess what you did simply and leave it at that.
Think of your brain as your front yard, and bad thoughts as muddy water in a ditch. You don’t go down in the ditch, stand in that muddy water, and pull dead dripping leaves out of it with a nasty ol’ stick. Just let that muddy water flow right on down the hill and out of your yard.
Sewer pipes are a good image, too.
I also find it helpful to just pray, “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, help me with my chastity.” (I don’t know if that’s a really well-formed prayer from a theology standpoint, but I believe in short and easy to remember.)
From chapter four of his most holy Rule, St. Benedict instructs us, “when evil thoughts come into one’s heart, to dash them against Christ immediately.”
I find that tracing the sign of the cross on my forehead works wonders (forgive the pun) in banishing evil thoughts.
This is a great example of doing exactly what St. Paul instructs us to do… “Take every thought captive (and throw it out, give it to Jesus, or forget about it)that exalts itself against the knowledge of God to obey Jesus Christ.”
2 Corinthians 10.5
This reminds us of our favorite line in the movie Reservoir Dogs… “If you even dream about it, you better wake up and apologize!”