A reader writes:
Is it a mortal sin to attend the rehersal party and reception but not
the actual wedding ceremony of a catholic who is getting married
without a priest present? If the catholic is not going to practice
their faith what is the right thing to do?
For a sin to be mortal, it must have grave matter and you must have adequate knowledge of this fact and deliberately consent to doing it anyway.
As to whether attending the rehersal and reception in question, whether this will have grave matter depends on the damage done (to the couple and to others) by your attendance. To the extent they are confirmed in the idea that what they are doing is okay or to the extent they are confused on this point, they are damaged.
A clearer message would be sent by simply not attending any of these and explaining that you care about the party (or parties) but can’t imply by your presence that a genuine marriage is or will come into existence by their actions.
If the party obtains a dispensation for having a non-Catholic wedding then the marriage will be valid and there is no problem attending. I assume that’s not happening in this case based on your question, though.
The mere fact that a Catholic has given up the practice of the faith, though, is not enough to solve the situation. If the Catholic party or parties have defected from the Church by a formal act (e.g., joining another church as an adult with the intent of no longer being a Catholic) then the marriage will be presumed valid and there would not be an instrinsic problem attending, but merely ceasing to practice the faith is not a formal defection.
As long as the marriage is going to be invalid, I cannot recommend involvement in it. At best, involvement sends a confusing signal to the couple. At worse, it can lead them and others in attendance to think that what is happening is okay.
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This is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. Just because a wedding isn’t Catholic, and just because one of the people involved is “lapsed” or whatever they’re calling it these days when someone doesn’t want to be Catholic anymore does not in any way mean that the marriage is invalid. The Bible itself says in 1 Peter 2:13: Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord’s sake, and in Romans 13:1: Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.
Therefore, if a marriage is valid and legal within the laws of the country then the marriage is considered valid in the eyes of God whether it is Catholic or not. AND if it’s good enough for God then it should be good enough for you. Remember, marriage has been around since long before the Catholic church, and God has blessed way more unions than the pope. Perhaps you should be a little less self-righteous in your advice.
For a Catholic, getting married outside the Church would be an invalid marrige.
For a Catholic, attending such an invalid marriage would be out of bounds.
Two Baptists getting married? Fine. Go. Its a valid marriage.
Two friends of yours with no particular religion? Go! Valid marriage. Nothing wrong with it.
But a Catholic should have a Catholic marriage. For that person, getting married in a non-Catholic wedding means the marriage is not sacramental from the outset.
Do you generally recommend people marrying outside their religion?