“We’ll Get It Blessed Later”

A reader writes:

I understand that Catholics are supposed to obtain a dispensation
to get married in a non-Catholic ceremony. I have a Catholic cousin
who will soon marry a Lutheran man in a Lutheran Church, and I understand
the groom-to-be’s mother is very adamant about it being that way. I asked the
bride-to-be’s grandfather (who is Catholic) if she obtained a dispensation, and he
said they claim the marriage will get blessed by the Catholic Church "later".

I really don’t
know all that’s being done to "keep the peace" or what was said by the local
    priest about a dispensation. They live hundreds of miles away and I have no idea
what kind of "practicing Catholic" the bride-to-be is. My dilemma is: Can I attend
this wedding?  Can I send a gift?

If no dispensation was obtained, but only a promise to "take care of things later" was
made, the wedding would still be "illicit" in form, right?  If the priest promises to
bless the marriage later, is that a valid dispensation?

Unless the Catholic party has received a dispensation from the obligation to observe the Catholic form of marriage then the marriage in question will not only be illicit, it will be invalid. What a priest may say is irrelevant. The diocese, not the local parish, must grant the dispensation. Promises by a priest to convaidate ("bless") the marriage later also do nothing to change the fact that the marriage will be invalid at the time it is contracted.

This means that no actual marital union will be established between the parties and they will be objectively fornicating until such time as they get their marital situation rectified.

Because of this, I cannot recommend that you attend the wedding or otherwise celebrate it (e.g., by giving a gift).

By being frank (but gentle and compassionate with them) about your reasons for not attending or otherwise celebrating the union, you would be performing an act of charity toward them by indicating (a) indicating to them that they are not really getting married and that what they would be doing after the service is objectively siful and (b) that someone in the family is willing to act in accordance with the truth instead of pretending that their "we’ll get it blessed later" plan is okay when it is not. Sometimes people need the example of others standing up for what is right before they’re willing to stand up for what is right themselves.

If they do proceed with their plan and, at some later date, have their marriage convalidated in the Catholic Church, at that time it would be appropriate to send gifts, etc.

Hope this helps!

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Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live." View all posts by Jimmy Akin