As someone who does freelance editing and who writes business letters in the course of my daily work, there are few things that tick me off more as an editor and writer than a poorly-composed business letter. A well-composed, thoughtful letter can persuade; a sloppy letter can close hearts and minds.
As a grumpy editor and writer, I picked out about five stylistic points that would have had me winging this letter back to its composer with marks for change. However, I’ll grant bragging rights to the commenter who can spot the number-one error in this letter that is intended to plead a very important case.
Two hints: One, it’s not a matter of content. Two, check out the title of this post.
(Nod to Bill Cork of Ut Unum Sint.)
There’s no salutation. Shouldn’t there be one? Should “Professor” in “the Professor Deborah Lipstadt” have a lowercase “p”? That’s all I saw.
You’re on the right track, Gilbert, with the first comment but not quite there yet.
you shouldn’t use “sincerely”. Also, the heading format is incorrect.
Is it the fact that it’s ‘signed’ by the Anti-Defamation League. Who exactly is that?
Also the first paragraph seems extremely convoluted and a bit of a run on.
Here’s my take:
The writer compares a person Professor Lipstadt, to Holocaust denial. When you delete the book title it reads: “The Professor Deborah Lipstadt and the rank anti-Semitic Holocaust denial…”
Yuck!
No salutation and no individual signature.
The big problem is the comparison between the professor and “the rank anti-Semitic Holocaust denial”, not between two people.
Is it the fact that it’s ‘signed’ by the Anti-Defamation League. Who exactly is that?
Indeed, Steve. You get the bragging rights. (Although Jayson also gets points for noticing the informal close. A formal close is “Very truly yours.”)
The main problem with the letter is that it isn’t sent “person to person,” as the blog’s post states. It isn’t being sent to anyone by anyone. The other problems with the letter just rub in salt.
woohoooo! Bragging rights!….umm, can I redeem them for anything at the Catholic answer store? 😉
Bragging rights!….umm, can I redeem them for anything at the Catholic answer store? 😉
Sure! You can get a catalogue. 😉
Rats. I figured it out, but too late. Also, how about the fact that the whole first paragraph is one, long sentence. And hard to read and follow at that.
Yep, I got it too. That was the main thing I noticed–no personal signature.
way too anal
I’m more offended by the ADL.
Why doesn’t the ADL write to networks when they attack Christianity? Why is it a big deal to deny the Holocaust, but OK to deny the Deity of Christ?
Why is it a big deal to deny the Holocaust, but OK to deny the Deity of Christ?
To them? Because they are Jewish and would deny it themselves?
It’s one thing to pray for their conversion and another to expect them to act converted without it.
(OTOH, they are still refering to Gibson’s The Passion as anti-Semitic, and as for hate-crimes: “Hate crime statutes are necessary because the failure to recognize and effectively address this unique type of crime could cause an isolated incident to explode into widespread community tension.” Right.)