Lord of the Rings – The Musical?!

No, it’s not a joke.

The Lord of the Rings – The Musical is set to premiere in Toronto next year.

Producer Kevin Wallace, apparently attempting to assuage Tolkien fans who immediately recognize in their marrow that this is a Bad Idea, insists that it will all be in good taste, promising, "There will be no singing and dancing Hobbits."

Which seems like a strange thing to say, because, you know, Hobbits actually DO sing and dance.

Ever since I first heard of this project — oh, two years ago, it must be — I’ve had alarming snatches of verse running through my head. They go something like this (the meter is terrible, but you can make it work if you try hard enough)…

BILBO:
There’s a bright, golden haze on the Shire
There’s a bright, golden haze on the Shire.
The pipe-weed’s as high as an oliphant’s eye
And my Ring’s in my pocket till the day that I die…

Oh, what a beautiful mornin’
To strike out Middle-earth to roam.
I’ve got a beautiful feelin’
The Sackville-Bagginses won’t get my home.

GANDALF:
I am the very model of a Middle-earth wizard supreme.
I’ve long grey beard, and staff in hand, and pointed hat, and eyesight keen.
I know the kings of Rohan, and what happened at the White Council
(The Necromancer was expelled for actions problematical!).

I’m very well acquainted, too, with magic and the wizard biz.
I don’t know Bilbo’s ring, but I know where to find out what it is.
In Minas Tirith’s archives I’ll research the Ring and come to grips
With where the Ring came from and if there will be an apocalypse!

ALL:
With where the Ring came from, etc….

Please, make it stop!

Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

9 thoughts on “Lord of the Rings – The Musical?!”

  1. I sure hope they use some of the music from the animated LOTR or the Hobbit. “Where There’s a Whip There’s a Way” is my (guilty) favorite!

  4. Hey, do I have your permission to print out the “Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'” lyrics for my son? He is in rehearsal for Oklahoma right now and is a huge LOTR fan (books and movies). I’m sure his director would get a kick out of it.
    His fellow cast members recently made a video for Oprah Winfrey, revamping the title song to, “O-P-R-A-H-O-M-A, OPRAHOMA!” (for a contest her show is holding, apparently)
    Thanks!
    Ruthann

  5. I can just imagine the opening number of the Hobbits in the Shire singing Randy Newman’s Short People and Gollum singing It’s not easy being green. Also the Ents could do a musical interlude of Rush’s The Trees, a cautionary tale of tree greed and aggression. Maybe they could even get Adam Ent to do that part.

  6. Hey, do I have your permission to print out the “Oh, What a Beautiful Mornin'” lyrics for my son? He is in rehearsal for Oklahoma right now and is a huge LOTR fan (books and movies). I’m sure his director would get a kick out of it.

    Ha! Please be my guest! (I only wish there was more to it!)
    Like I said, you really have to work the meter to get it to work, thoug. On the last line of Bilbo’s song, you have to slip in three whole syllables before hitting the first beat: “(The-Sackville) BAG-ginses WON’T get my HOME!”
    And the emphasis doesn’t always hit the right syllables. In both songs, “Middle-Earth” comes out “Mid-DLE-Earth,” which is just wrong.
    As far as my efforts at verse go, I’m considerably happier with these:
    one two three

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