A reader writes:
Our church had a penance service with roughly 12 or so priests on hand to hear individual confessions. Prior to my confession, I believe I did a pretty thorough examination of conscience. And I felt that I had identified at least most of things I needed to confess.
When it was my turn, the priest I was with "led" me in my confession. By that I mean, instead of letting me name all my sins, he asked me direct questions (“Did you have these types of sins?”). I answered truthfully to his questions, but after going through a few of them and the applicable sins, he started to wrap things up.
I didn’t feel it was appropriate to stop him and say, “Hey, I’ve got a lot more to confess here.” But as a result, I doubted for a time if I was absolved of all my sins. So, was I absolved of all my sins, or just the ones I managed to name during confession?
Absolution is an all-or-nothing thing when it comes to one’s mortal sins. Either you were absolved of all of them or you were absolved of none.
In order to be absolved of all of them, you need to make a formally integral (i.e., formally complete) confession. This means that you have to make a good faith effort to confess everything that God wants you to confess. You can’t knowingly and deliberately hold something back that you know you need to confess.
Under ideal circumstances, for a formally integral confession also needs to be materially integral (i.e., materially complete), meaning that you confess each of your grave sins by kind and number, along with important mitigating and exacerbating circumstances.
Very commonly, however, circumstances are not ideal. People forget what they did, or how many times they did it, they have conditions like OCD or scrupulosity that will be exacerbated if they give an exhaustive catalogue in minute detail, etc. As a result, there are often excusing causes that allow a person to make a formally integral confession even though it is not materially integral.
You found yourself in a disorienting situation in which you felt pressured by the priest not to break the flow of what he was doing to add additional sins that needed to be confessed. That psychological pressure was a cause excusing you from a materially integral confession. It sounds like you didn’t know what to do in the circumstance, so you made the best judgment that you could at the time and acted accordingly. If so, your confession was formally integral and the absolution was valid. You were forgiven for all your sins, even those you had not been able to confess.
That being said, you still have an obligation to confess those sins you weren’t able to confess. These should be confessed in your next confession–to the best of your ability, recognizing that your memory on them may be fuzzy at this point. If nothing else, be sure to include something like, "I am sorry for all my sins, including those I previously meant to confess but have forgotten."
I’d also make up my mind to summon up the courage to interrupt the priest if this happens again and tell him "I need to add the following sins . . . " and list them.
The readr also writes:
Here’s a part two to my question, if you have time to address it. During the absolution (as I wondered whether or not this would “count”), I “felt” a hand on my shoulder. My head was down and eyes were closed, and I assumed it was the priest. As I opened my eyes during the blessing, I thought that there was no way it could have been him. (We sat facing each other, but he would have had to lean way over to put his hand on my shoulder). As I knelt in church afterwards, I spent at least 5 minutes trying to duplicate the sensation. (I thought that it may have been from shifting my body a certain way.)
As I prayed, it seemed that it had to be the Holy Spirit (which made me feel a lot better about my confession). If that’s true, it’s the second time that I have felt a physical manifestation of the Holy Spirit. The first was during my Confirmation when I felt a “wave” rush over me as I was being anointed. Am I imagining things? Is this a more common occurrence than I think? Has something like this ever happened to you or someone you know?
It’s harder to comment on this. God is omnipotent and can do whatever he wants. If he wants to give you sensations like this as you receive the sacraments, he can. Many people report that they occasionally have such sensations. On the other hand, it could be psychological or maybe the priest just did lean over really far (I’ve had a priest plop his hand down on my head before during absolution, which I very much Do Not Like; the text says he should raise his hand over my head but not impose his hand on me).
I would say to take the experience as a possible though not certain confirming and consoling sign from God. I’d be open to such sensations if they happen in the future, but I wouldn’t seek them out or feel disappointed if they don’t come. Such supernatural experiences are the exception in the Christian walk rather than the rule.
20
It’s hard to remember how many times I committed a certain sin. Could be 20 times. Could 70. I just don’t know because I don’t count them.
Archbishop Sheen told a joke in his “Life is Worth Living” audio series:
One night, ten Canadian lumberjacks went to church to confess their sins. The first one got into the confessional, and, not wanting to bother figuring out the kind and number of his sins, said “I have committed every sin a man could commit.” The priest asked him, “Have you committed murder?” He answered that he had not. The priest scolded him and told him to go back out and examine his conscience. He stepped out and said to the others, “It’s no use, boys, he’s only taking murder cases!”
It’s a silly joke, but the lesson was to be aware (or at least make an effort, if exact knowledge isn’t possible) of the kind and number of your grave sins.