A reader writes:
The Catechism states that we should accept the Eucharist at least once a year, especially during Easter. I am a practicing Catholic, but have not presented myself for the Eucharist for the last 8 months, since I moved in with my girlfriend. I entered into this situation out of convenience and without knowledge of the severity of this sin. On going to confession, I learned that I cannot be forgiven for this sin until the situation is resolved. My confessor explained the sin of scandal, and that even removing sexual intercourse from the situation, by presenting myself for the Eucharist, I could influence another to enter into the same sin. I am writing to find out if I should continue to refrain from receiving the Eucharist until I have resolved the problem or if I should make an exception and present myself to receive the Holy Sacrament during the Easter Season after confessing my other sins as the Catechism appears to suggest.
I know that my situation is dangerous and want to come to some solution, but for many reasons, mostly, obviously my own unwillingness or fear of standing up for what I know to be right, have not been able to. I long to receive Christ in Communion, and hope that I come back to full participation in the Church as soon as possible.
Do you have any guidance concerning the Catechism’s statement concerning this and also concerning how to handle my cohabitation situation?
Okay, there are several issues here:
First, I want to compliment you for asking the question. This shows that God is working in your heart and that you are responding to his grace.
Second, what you need to do immediately is stop conjugal relations with your girlfriend (if you have not already done so).
Third, what you need to do is stop cohabiting with your girlfriend unless and until such time as you are validly married in the Catholic Church or with a dispensation for a non-Catholic wedding.
Fourth, you cannot confess your other sins and be validly absolved. One must repent of all of one’s mortal sins and, to the best of one’s ability, confess all of them for the absolution to be valid. Otherwise it is a sacrilege against the sacrament of penance.
Fifth, I’m not 100% convinced of what your confessor said about scandal. The reason is not that scandal in such matters isn’t a grave sin. It is that for scandal to exist there has to be a knowledge of the scandal by others and a likelihood that those individuals will be drawn into sin as a result of their knowledge. I don’t know whether there are such individuals in your case. If there are, your confessor is right.
Sixth, the Easter Duty is not an absolute. According to the Code of Canon Law:
Canon 920
§1. After being initiated into the Most Holy Eucharist, each of the faithful is obliged to receive holy communion at least once a year.
§2. This precept must be fulfilled during the Easter season unless it is fulfilled for a just cause at another time during the year.
Being in a state of mortal sin throughout the Easter season is a just cause to fulfill the Easter obligation at another time during the year.
"Just cause" is a term of art that indicates that the timing of the fulfillment of the obligation is not grave matter. The obligation itself may be grave matter, but the fact that only a just cause–as opposed to a grave cause–is needed to alter the timing shows that the timing is not itself grave. Consequently, there would not be a new grave sin if one failed to repent and receive Communion during the Easter season. There would only be the state of grave sin one is already in.
Even though there would not be a new grave sin by fulfilling one’s Easter duty later in the year, this is no excuse to keep living in an objectively sinful situation. The thing to do is to stop conjugal relations immediately, stop cohabiting as soon as possible, go to confession, and fulfill one’s Easter obligation in the Easter season (which, for purposes of the obligation, runs from Ash Wednesday to Trinity Sunday here in America).
Hope that helps. I encourage you to continue to respond to God’s grace and to get these matters taken care of now, and I encourage other readers to pray for you and your girlfriend.
God bless!
20
I can’t help but wonder why your questioner doesn’t just marry his girlfriend and be done with it.
I sensed from the e-mailer’s words, that he is worried about the reaction of his girlfriend. I would just suggest that, instead, you should be worried about the ramifications of NOT discussing this with her. I’m not assuming anything, as I don’t know you or your girlfriend and I am certainly not the judge. But, if you are in a relationship with someone who is unwilling to compromise with you out of respect for your beliefs, then I would recommend that you pray about whether or not this is a relationship that should continue at all. I know that’s a difficult thing, but I would hate to see you to end up married to someone who doesn’t build up, support, or even respect your faith. God bless you!
Hi Jimmy!
Conjugal relations aside, how important would it be in this case to end the cohabitation?
Wow. Takes a bit of courage to ask a question like that. I’d say the author is half-way home.
I can’t help but wonder why your questioner doesn’t just marry his girlfriend and be done with it.
Can’t agree with that. In my experience this sort of situation dulls the mind and the senses (as all sin does in one way or another). Being in this situation would make it much more difficult to clearly discern whether God is calling them to marriage.
The best thing to do is follow Jimmy’s advice. Marriage is for life. If his girl friend is “the one” she will still be “the one” a year or two from now. So move out and put the relationship to the test. If it’s meant to be, you’ll be happily married in a relatively short time. If it’s not meant to be, you don’t want any part of it anyway… as it will eventually turn very nasty. Who wants to be in a bad marriage and live with all the horrors thereof?
“One must repent of all of one’s mortal sins and, to the best of one’s ability, confess all of them for the absolution to be valid.” Here’s a question I’ve had for a while now. Contrition is required for the sacrament of penance to be valid, is contrition required for only the mortal sins confessed, or for the venial sins as well? This caused me a lot of uncertainty in the past, and it would be really nice to know, for certain. Thanks
From canon law:
“It is to be recommended to the Christian faithful that venial sins also be confessed.”
Not required.
Right, but if you confess a venial sin, must you have contrition for it in order for the sacrament to be valid?
Regarding venial sin, to my understanding, you confess and are forgiven of your venial sin when you say the prayer during mass “I confess to you my God, and to you my brothers and sisters…” Of course you can confess again to a priest, but you already took care of it if you were taking care of your Sunday obligation. Please correct me if I’m wrong (its been known to happen once or twice in my life, my being wrong).
hmm, well that makes sense. But if one is not contrite of his/her sin, then it wouldn’t have been forgiven at Mass anyway, right. But that’s another issue, let’s just you hadn’t been to Mass between the venial sin and your confession.
Being in a state of mortal sin throughout the Easter season is a just cause to fulfill the Easter obligation at another time during the year.
“Just cause” is a term of art that indicates that the timing of the fulfillment of the obligation is not grave matter. The obligation itself may be grave matter, but the fact that only a just cause–as opposed to a grave cause–is needed to alter the timing shows that the timing is not itself grave. Consequently, there would not be a new grave sin if one failed to repent and receive Communion during the Easter season. There would only be the state of grave sin one is already in.
It seems very strange that it would be a mortal sin for someone in the state of grace to fail to make his Easter duty, but not for someone not in the state of grace.
Is this an example of a “just cause” that one might find in the writings of canonists or moral theologians?
You can still recieve communion. It is good for you. Just do it. Jesus loves you/.
You can still recieve communion. It is good for you. Just do it. Jesus loves you/.
On what grounds do you say that it is necessarily good for whoever receives?
“Therefore whoever eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord unworthily will have to answer for the body and blood of the Lord. A person should examine himself, and so eat the bread and drink the cup. For anyone who eats and drinks without discerning the body, eats and drinks judgment on himself.”
I was relieved to find your site. To find there is someone else struggling with the same issue. I too have Just found myself in the same circumstance as yourself (I didn’t know, before moving in together). My boyfriend and his children moved in to my house a year ago. He has joint custody. I have been taking communion for months, only NOW to find out I shouldn’t have been.
It’s not so simple…these people advising, “just marry”. There’s an ex-spouse stopping this. My boyfriend is an American Baptist. They were married in his church. We don’t know if the Catholic church has aknowledged their marriage. To ask his ex would open up a BIG can of worms. She’s a very bitter/angry person.
How are you doing with this now? I see these emails are from March, it’s now September.
Ok… I live with my boyfriend. We are both good catholics, and my priest knows this. He also knows that we are living together as brother and sister, and therefore absolves us of our sins. We are living a Godly lifestyle, and neither of us can afford to not live together. Money is a big issue, and I believe as long as you are trying to live by Gods law, and abstaining, there is no problem with living with someone you are in love with. Marriage is also a big commitment that should not be rushed into. We both have plans to marry, but I’m still young, and want to take my time. I’ve seen to many people rush into marriage out of conveinence. This is the bigger sin. Life is a personal journey with Christ. He is the ultimate judge. Just remember be true to yourself.
“He also knows that we are living together as brother and sister, and therefore absolves us of our sins.”.
Jill, if you are living together as brother and sister, of what sins is the priest absolving you? I mean, I’m not asking you to reveal anything you don’t want to, I’m just confused.
Living together without the benefit of marriage also opens the possibilty that you may create scandal for other faithful Catholics, regardless of whether you two are actually chaste or not. Many people may not know of this arrangement.
It may also create an occasion of sin for other couples who do not share your iron will against sins of the flesh… “Hey, Jill and her guy live together… what could it hurt?”.
For these reasons, I am surprised that your priest condones you two living together.
I’m not being judgemental, I’m just sayin’!…