Classics Of Internet Humor 3

Cowboy hat tip to the reader who sent in this funny (which is posted to multiple sites and is thus a classic):

THE TALE OF ERIC AND THE DREADED GAZEBO

In the early seventies, Ed ran "his game," and one of the
participants was Eric. Eric plays something like a computer.
When he games he methodically considers each possibility before
choosing his preferred option. If given time, he will invariably pick
the optimal solution. It has been known to take weeks. He is otherwise,
in all respects, a superior gamer.

Eric was playing a Neutral Paladin in Ed’s game. He was on some lord’s
lands when the following exchange occurred:

ED: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you
see a gazebo.
ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?
ED: (Pause) It’s white, Eric.
ERIC: How far away is it?
ED: About 50 yards.
ERIC: How big is it?
ED: (Pause) It’s about 30 ft across, 15 ft high, with a pointed top.
ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.
ED: It’s not good, Eric. It’s a gazebo.
ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.
ED: It won’t answer. It’s a gazebo.
ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it
respond in any way?
ED: No, Eric, it’s a gazebo!
ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?
ED: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.
ERIC: (Pause) Wasn’t it wounded?
ED: OF COURSE NOT, ERIC! IT’S A GAZEBO!
ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a +3 arrow!
ED: It’s a gazebo, Eric, a GAZEBO! If you really want to try to
destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you
could try to burn it, but I don’t know why anybody would even try.
It’s a @#$%!! gazebo!
ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.
ED: (Thoroughly frustrated) It’s too late. You’ve awakened the gazebo.
It catches you and eats you.
ERIC: (Reaching for his dice) Maybe I’ll roll up a fire-using mage so
I can avenge my Paladin.

At this point, the increasingly amused fellow party members restored a
modicum of order by explaining to Eric what a gazebo is. Thus ends the
tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo. It could have been worse; at least
the gazebo wasn’t on a grassy gnoll.

ARCHITECTURAL NOTE: What’s on the Grassy knoll in Dallas is actually a pergola, not a gazebo.

Author: Jimmy Akin

Jimmy was born in Texas, grew up nominally Protestant, but at age 20 experienced a profound conversion to Christ. Planning on becoming a Protestant seminary professor, he started an intensive study of the Bible. But the more he immersed himself in Scripture the more he found to support the Catholic faith, and in 1992 he entered the Catholic Church. His conversion story, "A Triumph and a Tragedy," is published in Surprised by Truth. Besides being an author, Jimmy is the Senior Apologist at Catholic Answers, a contributing editor to Catholic Answers Magazine, and a weekly guest on "Catholic Answers Live."

12 thoughts on “Classics Of Internet Humor 3”

  1. I guess this is an urban legend, or at least one of those gamer stories that stick around forever. Anyway, the gazebo story also appears in comics form Knights of the Dinner Table. In fact, “Lair of the Gazebo” is the very first story in the very first KODT compilation.
    http://www.kenzerco.com/periodicals/kodt/

  2. There are three “rites of passage” to becoming a true gamer.
    The first is relating the (boring) story of how your 70th level drow necromancer with a ring of black dragon summoning went down into the Abyss and defeated Lolth single-handedly, thereby taking her throne.
    The second is reading and making fun of Jack Chick’s Dark Dungeons.
    And the third is passing on the story of Eric and the Dreaded Gazebo.

  3. There are three “rites of passage” into becoming a true gamer.
    The first is relating the (boring) story of how your 70th level drow necromancer with a ring of black dragon summoning went down into the Abyss and defeated Lolth single-handedly, thereby taking her throne.
    The second is reading and making fun of Jack Chick’s Dark Dungeons.
    And the third is passing on the story of Eric and the Dreaded Gazebo.

  5. I have never heard that one. I just about wet my jeans!
    He’s lucky he didn’t encounter a Bulbous Bouffant!

  8. The Tale of Eric and the Dread Gazebo

    Many thanks to Jimmy Akin for posting this and reminding me of this hysterical story from back in my old D&D days.
    …In the early seventies, Ed Whitchurch ran “his game,” and one of the participants was Eric Sorenson. Eric plays something like a …

  9. Wait a minute…a NEUTRAL Paladin? How does that work?
    GM: To your left, a fair damsel is being menaced by a gang of orcs. To your right, a seductive drow priestess entices you with forbidden knowledge. Which do you choose!?
    Neutral Paladin: Neither, I sit down and eat some iron rations. Mmmm…jerky…

  11. Ah, and on that page, Lee Gold of Alarums and Excursions is mentioned! Who is also Lee Gold of Xenofilkia…and lo, I have stayed at her very house in the dread suburbs of LA! It really is a small world. It also goes to show that, had I asked Lee, I would have known the truth about the gazebo.

  12. neutral paladin? try playing a true neutral barbarian… how does one roleplay a ‘apathatic rage’?

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