A reader writes:
We moved and we found a great parish right away, but it was across town. So, we decided to go to a less-than-100% orthodox parish within a few miles of our house. I’ve noticed some disturbing things since I’ve been there and they make me think that we should consider switching parishes and I wanted to know what you would do in our position.
My husband feels like we should stick it out at this parish so we can help transform them in to an orthodox church, maybe try to start up a bible study or an apologetics class. He has met with the pastor and the DRE, both basically told him that people [here] were just more liberal than we are (which is true) and his ideas would not work at this parish (who knows). My DH does not want to give up, but I am worried that we are harming ourselves by attending this parish. At the very least I know can’t let my kids in the religious ed classes here. What do you think? Given that there are much more orthodox parishes in the city, should we bale on this one? Or should we try to be an instrument of change here? What would you do?
I can’t tell you what you should do, but fortunately you didn’t ask me this. You ask what I’d do. I’ll tell you, but first let me note that canon law imposes no obligation on individuals to register or attend the parish that they are geographically closest to.
I understand your husband’s desire to stick it out and change the parish. That’s a very noble, altruistic challenge to undertake (men–me included–are suckers for challenges like that). However, if I were in your situation, I wouldn’t shoulder the burden of this challenge.
The reason is the kids.
Regardless of what challenges you and your husband might be up to facing, your kids are another matter, and your primary obligation is to them rather than to others who might benefit from having a better parish. If you have determined that you can’t put your kids in the religious ed programs in the parish then for me that would be the deciding factor. The family should attend where the children will have the best chance of becoming well-formed Catholic adults with the fewest bumps along the way (like having parish officials and teachers who are trying to subvert the religious instruction their parents are giving them at home).
If your kids were grown, matters would be different. I might well say that if you two want to dig in, take arms against a sea of troubles, brave the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, and work to change the parish according to your ability (which is rather limited since it is the pastor who has ultimate authority within the parish), then go for it. But as long as you have kids who aren’t grown, I’d make sure their religious well-being is taken care of first.
At least that’s what I’d do in y’all’s position.
What y’all do is a matter for y’all to decide.