A correspondent writes:
I recently ended a relationship with a good friend because of the issues surrounding his wedding plans. I feel that this wasn’t the only reason, it was an ending waiting to happen but my question is this. He had invited me to his wedding as a witness and as a practicing Catholic I declined to go because the ceremony is Pagan… or his "Version" of Paganism I’m unsure because I know nothing about the Pagan belief system.
I said that his marriage was invalid in the eyes of the Catholic Church and therefore before God and I could not, as a Catholic give witness to the wedding. A fight broke out, I was called a number of things and the friendship is now over, but, did I say something wrong? Did I say something about the validity of marriage which would go against Church teaching?
Frankly, his weird Pagan beliefs scare me because they have such a dark tone to them and so I not only wanted to remain loyal to Rome but I wanted to protect my own soul as well. Can you help me sort this out? I’m confused as to which marriages are considered valid outside of the Catholic Church because I know some are IE. Protestants getting married in their own church and the like.
There is some good news and some bad news here.
First, the bad news: Unless there was some other factor (like a divorce or membership in the Catholic Church) affecting the situation, the mere fact that it was pagan would not affect his marriage’s validity. Those who are members of the Catholic Church are bound to observe the Catholic form of marriage, but people who have never been Catholic and those who have formally left the Catholic Church are not. Thus if two pagans get married to each other, the marriage will be presumed valid.
Now the good news: I still wouldn’t recommend that you attend the wedding. It is possible in principle to attend a non-Catholic marriage that will be presumed valid, but there are limits. If two Protestants are getting validly married in a church, fine. If two Jews are getting validly married in a synagogue, fine. In both of these cases, people who worship the true God are getting married in a venue where the true God’s blessings will be invoked upon their union.
Now let’s extend further: If two Protestants or two Jews (or some mixture of the two) are getting validly married in a courthouse, fine. Even though God’s blessings (presumably) won’t be involved on their union by the official, at least nothing is being done that disses the true God.
One more step: Suppose two atheists or two pagans are getting validly married in a courthouse. Again, I’d say that attending the marriage is fine, though this is where we are at the line. These people don’t believe in the true God, but at least they’re getting married in a ceremony where the true God won’t be dissed.
Now let’s take a step over the line: Two pagans get validly married in a pagan ceremony. Not fine, in my opinion. Their marriage may be valid, but the ceremony will (presumably) involve the invocation of the blessings of false gods (or false spirits or falsely personified nature forces, or what have you).
I would not attend such a wedding. In our culture, at least, attendance at a wedding represents a form of endorsement of and participation in the rite that is being enacted. For me to attend such a wedding would represent my endorsement of and participation in a sacrilegious rite, and that is something I will not do.
The fact he not only asked you to be present but also to be a witness means that your cooperation would be all the more problematic.
So I would say that your instincts were right. You may not have articulated the problem with the ceremony quite right, but you sensed that there was something gravely wrong here and you made the right choice.
If your friend can’t understand that your faith might require you not to attend a service of his faith then he is a friend you don’t need to have.
Now for some even better news: I would say that you did him a great spiritual kindness by refusing to go. Out of a juvenile sense of rebellion, the neo-pagans in our society are game-playing false religions despite having a cultural (and likely familial and even personal) heritage of the true faith. By holding fast and refusing to attend one of his rituals, you have done something that may help wake him up to the fact that one’s religious beliefs are important, that one can’t play with pagan rites and expect everything to go your way, and that there is a fundamental incompatibility between paganism and Christianity. All of these are things he needs to be aware of, and they may play a role in his future conversion (or reversion) to Christ.
