A reader writes:
I am a Catholic was married in a civil ceremony several years ago. I have
since realized that I needed to be married in the
Catholic Church in order to receive Communion. My wife agreed that we
would get our marriage blessed even though she is not Catholic.We asked the priest about having
sexual relations and he told us that since we weren’t going to get it
blessed for another year (gave ourselves plenty of time to plan) that
it is not expeced that we hold off for that long.
Okay, what the priest told you on this point is wrong. He was trying to make things easier on the two of you, but he was wrong. If two people are not validly married then they should not be having sexual relations until such time as they are.
My wife and I agreed
on several months but overstepped it ….on the last time
however she has gotten pregnant.At the wedding she will probably
not be showing yet.
Is there any issues with going ahead with the wedding. Do we tell the
priest that she is pregnant?
You should go to confession about this, but I’m not seeing any other issues. I also don’t see any need to tell the priest about the pregnancy at this time since it is not relevant to the wedding. You will want at some point talk to the parish about making arrangements for the child’s baptism, though.
I want to be able to receive our Lord in Communion but I want to do it
the right way and not be in mortal sin.
The way to do this is to resolve to live continently until the wedding and go to confession. Then you’ll be able to receive Communion immediately, even before the wedding.
Just a curious question…..is masturbation or contraception still a
mortal sin when ones wife is already pregnant??
Masturbation is always gravely sinful, and the fact that one has a pregnant wife does not change this. I don’t understand why one would want to use contraception with a pregnant spouse since the purpose of contraception is to prevent conception, and this is not at issue while she is pregnant. Some forms of contraception (e.g., condoms) also damage the unitive aspect of the sexual act and so couldn’t be used for that reason. Others might pose a danger to the child.
In your case, though, since the two of you are not yet validly married, you shouldn’t be engaging in sexual relations until the wedding. Once that happens, though, you’d be able to engage in them the same as any other married couple during pregnancy, provided it isn’t posing a danger to the child.
I know that this may not all be what you were hoping to hear, but you deserve the truth, and I want to be straight with you. You also should be commended for your willingness to do what is needed to follow Christ and rectify your marital situation. You wife also is to be commended for her willingness to help you follow your conscience even though she is not Catholic. God will bless you both for your efforts.
Hope this helps!
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