Merry Christmas

A Christmas Carol

by G.K. Chesterton

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s lap,

His hair was like a light.

(O weary, weary were the world,

But here is all aright.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s breast

His hair was like a star.

(O stern and cunning are the kings,

But here the true hearts are.)

The Christ-child lay on Mary’s heart,

His hair was like a fire.

(O weary, weary is the world,

But here the world’s desire.)

The Christ-child stood on Mary’s knee,

His hair was like a crown,

And all the flowers looked up at Him,

And all the stars looked down.

UPDATED — Holiday Gift Card “Selection” at Amazon

UPDATE: See below.

It’s Christmas Eve, and Amazon.com’s homepage promises the last-minute holiday shopper that, with Amazon’s Gift Cards, you can “Give them exactly what they want — guaranteed.”

“What they want” on Christmas, of course, is Christmas presents. Not everyone celebrates Christmas — about 5 percent of Americans don’t, and we shouldn’t forget them. But that still leaves 95 percent of Americans who do — many of whom object to generic “Happy holidays” greetings (source).

Certainly of people buying gift cards on Amazon.com on Christmas Eve — surely one of Amazon’s busiest days — the percentage who celebrate Christmas is probably something approaching 100 percent. People who celebrate Christmas who give presents to other people who celebrate Christmas want to give Christmas presents.

You’ll be pleased to know that Amazon offers a wide variety of Gift Card designs. The “Winter Holiday” category alone includes no fewer than seven (7) different design options to choose from. Your choice!

Yes, you, the customer, are free to select — based on your deeply held personal beliefs and the traditions of the specific person you are shopping for — from among the following:


Seriously? Out of seven “Winter Holiday” designs, not even the option of a “Merry Christmas”? Not a Christmas tree or a Santa, let alone a Nativity scene?

Hey, Amazon: The flipping United States Postal Service, an agency of the United States government, offers us the option of Christmas stamps — with classical Madonna and Child images, no less. Those who like them can buy them; those who aren’t interested can buy something else. It works out very nicely, and there’s no need for hard feelings or anything.

My wife Suzanne and I went to Amazon.com today for a last-minute Gift Card. We found the bogus non-selection of “Holiday” Gift Card designs frankly offensive. We spend a lot of money at Amazon, but this is one gift we’ll get somewhere else this year.

Amazon: You need to rectify this by next year. Seriously. Offer us the option of celebrating the holiday that makes you your year-end money. Give us the option of card designs that say “Merry Christmas.” Throw in a “Happy Hannukah” too. Heck, throw in a “Happy Kwanzaa” too. That’ll still leave room for four generic holiday designs.

Give us the option of unambiguous Christmas imagery. Santa and Christmas trees would be a start. Consider a Nativity scene. It’s one option among seven. Then see which designs sell.

P.S. Let Amazon know what you think! (Sign in with your account info if you want a reply, or just send a message without account info.)

UPDATE — Amazon responds

Received from Amazon in response to my email: “Please accept our apologies if you were offended by the use of the word ‘holiday’ (instead of ‘Christmas’) on our website. Our intent is to be as inclusive and respectful as possible at a time of year when people of many faiths celebrate important holidays.”

My reply:

I certainly do NOT object to “holiday” on your website — how could I? My issue has to do with available design options for Winter Holiday Gift Cards, from which customers are free to pick as appropriate for their own and their recipient’s sensibilities.

If Amazon offered the OPTION of a “Merry Christmas” Gift Card as well as “Happy Holidays” Gift Cards, those who celebrate Christmas would be free to pick the former, and those who don’t would be free to pick the latter. You might also offer a “Happy Hanukkah” Gift Card option, perhaps even a “Happy Kwanzaa.” For everyone else, there’s always “Happy Holidays.” THAT would be “inclusive and respectful.”

What is NOT “inclusive and respectful” is six different “Happy Holidays” design options, one “Winter Wish,” and not one choice of “Merry Christmas.” I don’t see why anyone needs six different “Happy Holidays” options, but certainly customers should have at least one option out of seven of a “Merry Christmas” Gift Card.

Although it is true that Christmas is not the only important holiday at this time of year, 95 percent of Americans do celebrate Christmas, including many who are NOT religious or who belong to religions other than Christianity. To EXCLUDE customers who wish to choose to send a “Merry Christmas” message, as your present design options do, is NOT “inclusive and respectful” of the 95 percent of Americans celebrate Christmas.

Realistically, you ought to have half a dozen “Merry Christmas” options and one or two “Happy Holidays.” (Then you could see which designs sell.) If the U.S. Postal Service can offer the option of Madonna and Child Christmas stamps, Amazon can offer the option of a “Merry Christmas” Gift Card.

Two more from YouTube — Christmas & Star Wars

EDIT: Comments below revised.

SDG here with another Christmas song from Straight No Chaser, this time a straight rendition of Silent Night.

And also, I can’t resist posting a non-Christmas acapella song pointed out to me by JA.o reader Matheus on another subject beloved of JA.o fans. I have a few comments on this one below — but don’t read the comments below until you’ve watched the second video!

Straight No Chaser – Silent Night

Star Wars – John Williams Tribute

Comments on the John Williams tribute below.

(you did watch it, right?)

  1. HT to Bill for pointing this out: This song was written and recorded by an acapella group called Moosebutter. A different YouTube video is available showing , but not this recording of it (you can tell it’s the same voices, but not the same recording). The video above shows a “paid YouTuber” name Corey Vidal lip-synching a different recording of the song. Thos video was apparently made with Moosebutter’s cooperation, but lots of people (including me at first) haven’t glommed that Corey isn’t actually singing. Anyway, I’m keeping the Corey version here because the recording is cleaner, with less mugging, and I like the way it sounds better, but it does dampen my enthusiasm to know that that’s not the real guy singing.

  2. One of my favorite bits is the E.T. theme, where they’re doing Luke complaining to Uncle Owen about not getting to go to Toshi Station for power converters — they get Luke’s whiny tone exactly right.

  3. I also love the goofy dissonance between the soaring, majestic Jurassic Park theme and the sinister dialogue they put over it.

Decent Films doings: A good year for family films, part 2

SDG here with a follow-up to my June post on family films of 2008.

As the year draws to a close, it looks like my sense of 2008 as a good year for family films was on the money. In fact, the premise of my June post became a full-fledged article which appeared first in the December issue of Catholic World Report and is now available in an abridged version at Decent Films:

Family Films Move Forward in 2008

Unfortunately, many of the films that, in June, I was looking forward to hopefully didn't pan out. I knew some of them wouldn't pan out, but I was hoping for more than we got.

The one spectacular exception, of course, was Wall-E, the crown jewel of the year's family films, as I hoped it would be.

And today, a worthwhile film opens that wasn't even on my radar in June: The Tale of Despereaux.

At least one other film, Bolt turned out to be better than I expected. OTOH, City of Ember turned out to be a visually stylish disappointment, kind of cool but not very good. Journey to the Center of the Earth was a little more fun, but also not exactly good.

Fly Me to the Moon was barely a flyweight contribution (and the buzz I heard on Armstrong's involvement was wrong — it was Buzz Aldrin who voiced himself, which makes a lot more sense on multiple levels). And The Half-Blood Prince didn't even arrive — it was postponed until next year.

Still, between Wall-E, Horton Hears a Who, Kung Fu Panda, The Spiderwick Chronicles, Prince Caspian and The Tale of Despereaux, plus a raft of tol'able also-rans… not to mention, for families with older kids, The Express and Son of Rambow… definitely a good year, all in all.

The Tale of Despereaux review | Family films article

Chesterton on Father Christmas

At the request of The Masked Chicken, I offer this recent, brief Christmas post (from my blog, Old World Swine). More on the way as Christmas approaches. – T.J.

FatherchristmasNarnia

I love this little passage on the power of myth;

Father Christmas is not an allegory of snow and holly; he is not
merely the stuff called snow afterwards artificially given a human form, like a
snow man. He is something that gives a new meaning to the white world and the
evergreens, so that the snow itself seems to be warm rather than cold.

(from Chesterton's The Everlasting Man)

The
Christ child, in a way unique among the world's religions, gives warmth
to the idea of Winter. In the bleakest, darkest time of year, His
cradle is the hearth-fire around which may gather all people of
goodwill.

The secular trappings can be fun and even spiritually
profitable for one who carries that fire in his heart, but they fail as
a substitute… like gathering around the picture of a fire. You might
find a very good picture on some wide-screen, high-definition
television… but try roasting marshmallows by it, or warming your
hands.

This is, I think, partly what irritates some irreligious
folk about the holy days. Our claim to have a real fire, with real
warmth, and our invitation to gather around it are to them
infuriatingly condescending, so they stay rooted in front of their
picture-fire, just to show us. "Too good to stand here with me, eh?
Think my picture is no good, eh? Snobs. I'd sooner stand here in the
cold than give you the satisfaction.".

A mondedream and a mondegreen

SDG here. Both Jimmy and I have posted in the past about mondegreens, so I won't go into the background about why misheard song lyrics and the like are called that (more at Wikipedia)… but I will tell you why I've been thinking about them lately.

Last week, I had a mondedream.

Here's what happened. Last weekend, while browsing in a bookstore, I heard the song "Run-Around" by the band Blues Traveler, a song I've heard many times before. Like many people (as I've since learned), I've never known exactly how the chorus begins — and, not being big into popular music generally, I've never thought much about it before.

I didn't think of it that evening either, although subconsciously I must have been working on it, because that night I dreamed about the song — and, in my dream, thought I was positive I had figured out the ambiguous line in question.

When I woke up, I realized that my guess had to be wrong — but I also realized that that it was actually phonetically persuasive and narratively cogent — more so, in fact, than other mondegreens on the same line I've since found online.

The real line, I have since found out, is:

"But you / Why you wanna give me the runaround?"

However, that "But-a ya-e-ew…" is polysyllablized (I'm sure there's a musicological term for this) in such a way that many people apparently think it is something more complicated. In fact, I didn't know this at the time, but it turns out that one common mondegreen for this line is "Buddy L…" Makes no sense, but that's what people think he's saying.

I like my dreamed-up version better:

"Bloody hell… why you wanna give me the runaround?"

"Bloody hell" sounds a lot like "Buddy L" (and therefore both must sound a lot like the way the line actually comes out) — but my version actually makes sense… and I came up with it in my sleep.

What's more, I keep singing it that way in my head now — even though I now know the real line.

Now that I'm on the subject, I might as well reveal my lifetime classic mondegreen.

Fair warning: This anecdote will ruin several minutes of Handel's Messiah for you. There. You can't say I didn't tell you. (As added protection, I'll white out the words so you have to swipe them with your mouse to read them.)

The Messiah got a lot of play in our house when I was a kid. My mother sang in it at a local church, and she played it especially around Christmastime. My mondegreen concerns the opening of the segment that begins:

"All we like sheep … All we like sheep / Have gone astray…"

In typical Baroque style, those first four words "All we like sheep" are echoed by four antiphonal beats from the strings section: "All we like sheep [bum bum bum bum]."

As a child, I not only misheard the words "All we like sheep," I glossed an antiphonal response onto the four following beats which, in my brain at the time, seemed somehow fitting.

So during "All we like sheep [bum bum bum bum]," what I heard in my head as a kid was (swipe with your mouse at your own risk!):

"Oh, we like sheep! [And sheep like us!]"

People hate me for telling them that, because it ruins the segment. (Sorry people!)

So those are my mondegreens. (I've got others, but I'll save 'em for later.) In the combox, feel free to share yours! I don't mean your favorite common ones, like "There's a bathroom on the right" or "Excuse me while I kiss this guy" (though you can add those too), but song lyrics you yourself misheard or misinterpreted.

In closing, a seasonal favorite (not mine!): "Now bring us some frigging pudding!" (Real line: "Now bring us some figgy pudding," "We Wish You a Merry Christmas")

More on Cardinal Dulles

SDG here with a quick follow up… I didn't want to risk these links getting lost by appending them to the previous post, and anyway, I'd just as soon start a new combox for relevant and appropriate comments relating to Cardinal Dulles that anyone may have to make, if any. (Inappropriate comments will be subject to zero tolerance.)

Decent Films doings, 12/12/2008

SDG here with some Decent Films doings.

I've finally gotten around to posting a piece I wrote a ways back for Our Sunday Visitor, “Hollywood and Religion: Priests, Nuns and the American Silver Screen.”

I've also posted new reviews of the new The Day the Earth Stood Still remake as well as the 1951 original film. The new film is directed by Scott Derrickson (The Exorcism of Emily Rose), an Evangelical Christian. Since the original 1951 film is noted for the Christological resonances of the alien ambassador Klaatu, I hoped Derrickson's involvement in the remake was a positive sign that the sequel might pick up on those themes. Unfortunately, the opposite is the case — the new Klaatu is considerably less inspirational than the original.

In other news, recent DVD releases include Horton Hears a Who! and The Dark Knight. (Buy 'em through my Amazon.com links and send a few cents my way!)