A reader writes:
Today, I went to confession…the priest remained silent the entire time I was confessing…which I kind of like, because it allows me to recount all of my sins without distraction.
Agreed–at least as a general rule.
I will not go into details, but I did have a couple of things I thought would warrant a good chastisement from the priest. All he told me at the conclusion of my confession was to make an act of contrition and say 1 "Our Father" as my penance…
What warrants a chastisement from the priest is a tricky thing. The priest's job in confession is to make an assessment, to the extent possible, of whether your are repentant and what will help you spiritually. While there can be room for admonishments and penances, the fundamental orientation of the sacrament is toward administering the mercy of God.
I wouldn't read too much into the failure of the priest to chastise you. Even if he should have on this particular occasion, it has nothing to do with the validity of the sacrament.
I honestly and whole heartedly feel I made a good confession…but if that is the case, why do I feel like a huge weight is still on me? I still feel as if I am in mortal sin? Do you think it was the lack of participation/chastisement on the part of the priest? Could it be something else?
If you honestly and wholeheartedly think that you made a good confession then I would chalk your current feelings up to the dynamics of human emotion. Sometimes we feel like we need to be punished–chastised or rebuked or humbled in some way–and this feeling can remain for reasons that aren't rational.
Survivor guilt is an example of that. Sometimes people feel guilty at living longer than someone who has passed on. They feel like they ought to be punished or that things shouldn't go well for them. But this is not rational. If two people are in the back seat of a car during a crash, and one lives and the other dies, it is neither's fault that the crash occurred (neither was driving), and the survivor shouldn't feel guilty–though the survivor often does.
In the same way, even when we are guilty–the feeling that we need to be punished can remain even after we have made reparations or after we've been to confession. Sometimes we can even have a morbid feeling that we need to be punished that is out of all proportion to the facts or that we still feel no matter what we do.
When this happens, the situation is unhealthy.
I don't know that you are in such a situation, but it's not uncommon for people to have lingering feelings of guilt even after they've been absolved and done their penance. Feelings are quirky things, and everybody experiences that from time to time.
Unless there is an objective reason to think one made a bad confession, though, one should not dwell on the matter. Even if the priest didn't say exactly the right thing or give you exactly the right penance, don't question matters. Trust in God's mercy.
Is it possible it is my mind giving me a hard time, because as of late, I have been confessing the same thing frequently…so possibly, I feel crummy because I feel as if I am abusing the sacrament by confessing the same thing over and over again. I don't know if I need to go again and confess all the things over or what?
If, as you say above, you think you did make
a good confession then I would strongly recommend that you not scruple about this. Unless you think you made a bad confession then you should not go and confess these things all over again. That way lies scrupulosity.
It is understandable that you have the kind of feelings you do if you are presently dealing with a besetting sin–something that you struggle with regularly.
But one can licitly approach the sacrament even when one is dealing with this kind of sin. What is required is that when you are in confession that you will not to commit the sin in the future. You may foresee that you are going to experience temptation toward the sin in the future. You may even realize, intellectually, that you are likely to give in to that temptation in the future. But if, at the time you are confessing, your will is against committing the sin, the sacrament will be valid and you are making a good confession even if you don't feel like you are.
To quote from the Vademecum for Confessors (which deals specifically with conjugal chastity, but whose principles are applicable to sins in general):
|
11. Sacramental absolution is not to be denied to those who, repentant after having gravely sinned against conjugal chastity, demonstrate the desire to strive to abstain from sinning again, notwithstanding relapses. In accordance with the approved doctrine and practice followed by the holy Doctors and confessors with regard to habitual penitents, the confessor is to avoid demonstrating lack of trust either in the grace of God or in the dispositions of the penitent, by exacting humanly impossible absolute guarantees of an irreproachable future conduct.
|
|
While I don't know the details of the reader's situation and therefore can only give general answers, I would encourage him to trust in God's mercy and his grace–both through the sacrament and apart from it–for resisting and avoiding temptation in the future. With perseverance, growth in holiness can and will occur. If there are setbacks, he should resolve to do better, even if he cannot offer himself or his confessor "humanly impossible absolute guarantees of an irreproachable future conduct."
If feelings persist after making a good confession that he should have done more penance or been chastised by the priest, I would encourage him not to scruple about this, and not to worry whether the punishment exactly fit the crime. In matters of mercy, it never does. Trust God's mercy and accept the self-humbling of going to confession and naming the sin in the first place, as well as the penance done, as being enough.
NOTE: This is a Rule 20 post.