I’m about to break my no-names-in-the-main-blog-area rule because a situation has come up down yonder and I want to head off potential confusion.
I’d like to share an e-mail I recently sent to Other Eric, who has told me that he does not have a problem with me blogging from our e-mail exchange. Here goes:
Eric,
I wanted to write and say, first of all, that I feel for the cross you
are carrying. We all carry crosses, and the struggle of same-sex
attraction is no different. It is a temptation to a different kind of
sin than most have, but all struggle with temptation. We all have fallen
natures, and God loves and cares for you as much as he does for me or
anyone else.I also wanted to say that I appreciate your thoughtful comments on my
blog as you wrestle with this issue, and I understand how insensitive
the comments of some may be. I hope that my remarks are better in this
regard.I agree that there comes an age in which the concerns I have expressed
on the blog lessen and eventually cease to apply. At some point in their
lives, children must come to become aware of the existence of
homosexuality and its moral status, because they will certainly run into
it as adults. Children cannot be shielded from the realities of life
forever. Their parents must prepare them to face not only the good
things in life but the bad and tragic things as well. The question is
when. This is a decision that I feel is best left up to individual
parents, as there is no obvious answer. Since multi-family schools must
make a common decision about it that is bound to be inappropriate for
some children, as they progress at different rates, I prefer
homeschooling situations where each family can make these decisions
based on the knowledge, temprament, and unique circumstances of their
own children.I also agree that different individuals with homosexual temptations are
different. They are not all outspoken advocates of the gay lifestyle,
though many are. The same is true of the children they raise, and this
has to be taken into account in the decision to admit the children of
such couples into a school.The situation of a child’s parents also have nothing to do with his
ability to receive the sacraments as long as he accepts the Catholic
faith (including its teaching on moral matters) and otherwise fulfills
the requirements for the sacraments.I want to stress that I view you and all in similar situations as human
beings first above all. You may have same-sex attraction temptations,
but those are not determinitive of what you are. To tell the truth, I
don’t even like using "homosexual" as a noun. In a blog post, space
restrictions prevent me from using (repeatedly) the phrases that I
prefer–"*person* with homosexual temptations" and "*person* with
same-sex attraction"–but these phrases better reflect the reality of
the situations of individuals struggling with this condition, and I
would encourage you to think of yourself, not as a homosexual, but as a
*person* who happens to have same-sex temptations.I’ve said such things in public before, and would be happy to blog to
this effect again, but didn’t want to use your e-mail as an occasion of
doing so in case you wanted it kept private.I’m glad that you’re getting in touch with David Morrison, and I hope
he’s able to help you on your journey. Feel free to write me again, and
I hope you’ll keep reading the blog.God bless, and take care!
Jimmy Akin
One of the other commenters down yonder noted that Other Eric’s e-mail address indicates his sexuality. I posted the following comment in response:
As his e-mail address indicates,
Other Eric is a person who has homosexual attractions and who openly
describes himself as gay.He also has interacted respectfully with others on this blog, even
though of late we have been discussing issues that one would suppose
might pain him and that he might strongly disagree with.In view of his respectful attitude and willingness to think through
these subjects, we owe him the same respect and willingness to think
through points he may make.Just because someone practices the "gay lifestyle" does not mean
that he should not be treated with respect and engaged in dialog on
important issues, including the Church’s teachings regarding
homosexuality.That’s what Christ, who died for Other Eric just as much for all of the rest of us, would have us do.
Thanks for understanding.
We often hear a lot about how we ought to “respect” people who have a homosexual inclination. I don’t mean to single you out here, Jimmy — but could you elaborate on what it means to “respect” those who have a homosexual inclination and who are living an openly gay lifestyle? The reason I ask is that many people are apt to interpret disapproval of their lifestyle as disrespect.
This is a point that can certainly be clarified.
There are, indeed, many people who use the term “respect” as a codeword for “approve” in these settings.
That, of course, is not how I mean it. As I’ve been advocating not admitting children of homosexual “parents” to Catholic schools, I don’t think Other Eric or others are in any danger of thinking that I approve of their lifestyles. I am thus not using “respect” as a codeword for “approve.”
I am using the term in its proper sense: Treating someone as a child of God for whom Christ died, which means treating them with courtesy and politeness and being willing to talk, to consider points that are raised and, when they are points with merit, to acknowledge this fact.
In other words, it means following the “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”
If I were engaged in a lifestyle the Church knew to be gravely sinful, I would want people to be honest with me about that, but I would also want them to be polite, courteous, compassionate, and willing to think through things from my perspective as they helped me think through the issue from the Church’s.
Too easily folks fall into mocking or rudeness out of an overly-hasty “tough love” approach. The thing about tough love is that, while it is sometimes necessary, it is not one’s *first* resort. The above must be.
Thanks for setting a good example here, Jimmy.
I have also been uncomfortable using “homosexual” as a noun, as it seems to infer that people should be defined by a single aspect of their personality (their sexuality). This is ESPECIALLY true of teenagers. I can’t imagine boxing myself in with a label like that at such a naive and impressionable age. If I had defined myself during those years and had to stick with it, I would literally be a biker working in a tattoo parlor.
I went recently to make a holy hour and when I picked up one of my prayer books I read a story about a young man who was homosexual and read prayers of the crucified Jesus and he said the prayers touched his soul that it gave him strenghth to resist his temptations. It was a beautiful story and I hope and pray for all of us who are struggling with some pain, go to the cross for comfort.
You’ve explained the differences between ‘respect’ and ‘approval’ very well indeed! Now if only some same-sex attracted people would use similar amounts of grey matter to nuance their views on The Church!