A reader writes:
I was baptized in a Protestant church, my wife is a cradle Catholic. We were married in a Protestant church in 1990s.
I have a previous marriage which ended in divorce. My ex-spouse was never baptized.
Now my wife and I are trying to set things straight:
Excellent! Good for you!
Currently, my wife and I are living as "brother and sister."
Even better!
I am filing the paperwork for the Petrine Privilege so that we can convalidate our marriage.
Okay, though annulment may be the better way to address your situation. Your local tribunal can guide you in this matter, though.
I will start RCIA classes in August so that I can enter the Catholic church.
Wonderful!
Recently my wife went to confession, explained the situation to the priest, and was forgiven her sins, and was told she could receive communion (provided we were living as brother and sister: no sexual relations at all).
Today, before mass, my wife went to confession, with a different priest (who did not speak English fluently), confessed that she was guilty of temptation (not unheard of for a couple of 8 years who is temporarily living chastely), then briefly explained our situation to the priest. This priest’s reaction was one of shock, and he told my wife:
A. She could not receive communion because:
B. she was a "bad example" to the rest of the church members, but that
C. if she insisted on receiving communion she should do so at another church.
D. He also asked her if she was "planning to get married".My question: Is my wife allowed to receive communion with our current situation? (From all my reading on the forums, it is my conclusion that she is allowed to do so. Please verify this. Or are we wrong?)
The basic issue that would prevent one from receiving Communion in a situation like this is typically that the parties are having conjugal relations even though they are not validly married to each other (yet). If you take away that consideration (i.e., if the couple lives continently until such time as they may lawfully engage in conjugal relations with each other) then there is no intrinsic reason why a Catholic party cannot go to Communion.
It sounds as if what the second priest that your wife spoke to was trying to argue that there is an extrinsic reason why your wife should not receive Communion–i.e., that even though your wife is not living contrary to the teachings of the faith that she should refrain from receiving Communion anyway, lest others think she is living contrary to the faith and imitate her supposed example.
The argument, then, is that your wife has a duty of charity not to scandalize others–in the proper sense (i.e., leading them into sin).
We certainly do have a duty not to lead others into sin by our example, even when we ourselves are living in conformity with the faith. St. Paul talks about that (Rom. 14; cf. 1 Cor. 8).
However, in discerning the degree to which this duty is relevant to a particular situation we must ask what the chances are that somebody will actually be led into sin by our example.
It seems to me that the odds would be greater of somebody being scandalized (in the proper sense) by your wife receiving Communion if y’all were attending a tiny, rural parish a hundred years ago and where everybody knew each other. Today, though, the odds are that the great majority of people in the parish won’t even be aware of your wife’s marital situation, and those who are aware may also be aware of the fact that y’all are living continently (depending on how open y’all are about this fact). Given that, the odds of anybody actually being led into grave sin by your wife’s example seem to me to be low.
Against the potential harm that could come from the situation must also be weighed the potential benefit to be derived from it. The Church teaches that reception of the Eucharist binds us closer to Christ. This is a great good in itself. Further, reception of the Eucharist gives us additional grace for resisting sin. And, finally, her reconciliation with the Church may be greatly assisted by receiving Communion.
It thus seems to me that there are "grave" benefits (if I may so use the word "grave") to be gained by her going to Communion but the chances of others suffering grave harm through her doing so are low.
If you want to remove the chance of harm coming to others, you could do as the second priest said and go to a parish where nobody knows her. That’s a judgment call that you can make based on your situation (e.g., how easy it would be to do that). But it seems to me that your wife should be able to receive Communion in your own parish without it posing a major risk to others.
Hope this helps, and God bless!
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May Christ bless you both for your courage and faith in choosing to live chastely during this time. It is inspiring to hear of people who are willing to make personal sacrifices like this in order to please God, especially in our self-centered and sex-obsessed culture.
Good on ya!
What Tim said.
It’s a tragedy that so many couples trying to straighten out irregular marital situations get the impression that the Church’s teaching is “Stay away from communion until your annulment comes through” — as if either pursuing the state of grace or living in sin were equally legitimate options, or rather as if living in sin is simply a necessary evil under such circumstances.
It is truly inspiring to hear of a couple in an irregular marital situation taking seriously the problematic nature of their status and choosing friendship and communion with God over marital relations. May God give you both superabundant graces to live in purity and conquer the concupiscence that makes it difficult to do so — that, and a timely resolution of the issue of your previous marriage.
The graces of communion will be a real asset to your wife in this regard, and until your reception into the Church you can benefit from making an act of spiritual communion during Mass.
Stay strong. I’ll be praying for you both tonight during my holy hour.
This selfless act of putting your love of God and desire to do His will foremost in your life is indeed inspiring and very humbling.
Be assured of my prayers and my admiration.
is that your wife has a duty of charity not to scandalize others–in the proper sense (i.e., leading them into sin).
For what it’s worth… your question has had the exact opposite effect on me. Far from leading me into sin, you are inspiring me onto greater virtue by your example. God bless you on your journey!
It’s wonderful to see you and your wife trying in earnest to live the teachings of God and his Church. Keep strong!