Some New York Catholic schools have cancelled plans for junior and senior proms, citing "flamboyance, extremism and affluence," among other undesirable behaviors.
"Staff at Chaminade High School — an all-boys’ school in Mineola run by the Marianist religious order — announced the cancellation Wednesday in school, and letters also were mailed to parents early Tuesday.
"’The prom culture has turned from a formal celebration to a showcase featuring flamboyance, extremism and affluence,’ the letter reads. ‘In fact, many students seek to leave the celebration early to engage in excessive behaviors, some of which are illegal.’
[…]
"Chaminade’s president, the Rev. James Williams, said yesterday that the modern prom is more about spreading peacock feathers than togetherness and farewells. ‘The prom is no longer the focus of the evening,’ Williams said, adding that most students make brief appearances in stretch limos and fancy outfits, then rush off elsewhere.
"’It’s very different than it was 15, 20 years ago,’ he added. ‘The evening is now about who will have the biggest limo, who has the biggest weekend planned. It’s beyond reform.’"
My guess is that Fr. Williams did not frequent the proms of fifteen or twenty years ago. I graduated in 1990 and did not attend my prom, in large part because the expense was hideous and roughly comparable to the expense for a budget wedding. Between the tickets, the clothes, the transportation, etc. — all to a plush five-star downtown hotel rather than the school’s gym — there was no way the event was affordable to any but the most affluent families. In short, conspicuous consumption on prom night is not a new phenomenon.
But my feeling is that chucking the tradition of a formal dance to close out the high school experience is the wrong way to go. Junior proms can certainly be tossed — one prom per year is quite enough — but the senior prom can be a charming tradition. What’s needed is common sense: Move it back to the school gym; set a spending limit for dance hall accoutrements, formal clothes, and transportation; insist that unless there is an emergency that couples remain at the dance for a specified time period; that kind of thing. Tossing the baby with the bathwater is too easy and does not teach students anything.
I think the bathwater can be tossed without fear because the baby grew up and left home already. Nearly 20 years ago, I attended my prom. It was in a bowling alley/hall and was attended by all the seniors and most of the juniors. It lasted from dinner at 6 pm until the 5 am breakfast. Was there conspicuous expense? Yes – from the same fools who had to have Polo shirts and Jordache jeans. The rest of us rented tuxedos, bought secondhand dresses, and drove our parents (or grandparents) well-polished car.
There was whining because of the “if you go, you’re gone” policy. The rule was that if you left, you didn’t get back in. And guys who went to their cars to “get something they forgot” – in this case, swigs from flasks of booze – were escorted to and from the lot. But as a result, we didn’t have drunks at prom, and it was really hard for hormonally-challenged dates to leave for a hotel because the chaperones called home on any students who left early.
Now I contrast that with the dances I’ve seen in the last few years of teaching. In a CATHOLIC school, parents jumped down the principal’s throat when girls were turned away at the door for inappropriate outfits. I won’t go into details at the public school where I’m currently teaching. Suffice to say that some parents don’t seem to mind if their daughters dress to show off whatever they can. In a lot of ways, the whole prom is pointless. Students come in limos, make an appearance in the gym, and then leave for private parties.
It’s not unlike the senior class trip. Remember those? Mine was one of the highlights of my senior year. Now most high schools don’t have them. It’s not just that chaperones increasingly had to deal with students going AWOL – there’s that liability – but also that students think it’s an “unfun” trip. Why do fundraising all year to go on an alcohol-free trip with chaperones when you can take an unsupervised trip to Cancún during spring break? Or, if you’re “too poor”, go to Toronto with your friends – the drinking age is 18 and it’s easy to find prostitutes of any persuasion.
The problem, Michelle, is that too many parents are incompetent. The prom (and most especially the after-prom “celebrations”) have become occasions for drugs and sex. Many, if not most parents often give license to these behaviors, in my opinion, by allowing their kids to go off unsupervised while these things are going on. Even if there are specific time limits, transportation and supervision at the prom (such at my son’s prom), parents are abandoning their resonsiblities to safeguard what happens afterwards.
I have to agree with Fr. Williams. I attended the Chaminade prom with a friend in 1997, and you wouldn’t believe the expense that some put into it. It was held at the local “bride factory,” the place known for proms and weddings. It wasn’t particularly expensive in itself, and attendees were not allowed to leave early.
It’s everything else that goes along with the prom that makes it outrageous. Some students hired stretch SUV limousine buses for hours before and after, and entire weekends at places like the Hamptons and other beach locales. (We went to Six Flags the next day – much better!) Many students showed up drunk, or got drunk at parties afterwards.
The Chaminade junior prom was held in the gymnasium. It didn’t make any difference. It’s what the students do, and what the parents allow, that leads to so many problems. The school is just taking away the excuse.
I say, good for you, Fr. Williams!
My Godson attended Chaminade a few years ago. His comments on the cancellation:
“I think taking away their prom is seriously ridiculous, a new low even for Chaminade, and I have already signed a petition against the
school’s actions. Chaminade’s decision to do this was based on the fact that the proms are often accompinied by illicet sex and
underage drinking. I recall in high school being taught that “The Chaminade
man does the right thing at the right time because it is the right thing to do.” By the time you become a senior in high school
you are approaching manhood, and the decisions to engage in such promiscious acts are decisions that every man must make at some point in their lives. If they do not face them at senior prom, they will surely
(trust me, I know) face them in college which is for most Chaminade students only a couple of months after the prom. Throughout the
four year period students spend in Chaminade, we are taught just as much about math science and English as we are taught about morality. Facing these decisions at prom can even be looked at as the true final exam concerning our four years of education in morality. Prom is a test of integrity as much as it is an occasion for celebration. To act as
a “Chaminade man” or not, that is the question they face. As a result, in my opinion, denying them their prom is in fact
denying them education about the decisions an individual must make in life, and it
is pathetic that Chaminade is taking that away from the students. It also exclaims the faculty’s confidence that the graduating class
is in fact not made up of “Chaminade men.” What is the worst that happens? A student makes the decision to engage in such
promiscuous acts, and learns the consequences of his actions via experience? That is
called life.”
Considering the safety and liability issues, I do not agree with my Godson’s analysis.
The Chaminade prom cancellation was also a recent subject on Amy Welborn’s blog.
“November 30, 2005
Another one bites the dust
Another Long Island Catholic high school has cancelled its prom. Chaminade, the sister school of the first school – go this fine blog run by a junior at the school to get the details. and student reactions, one of which was, according to blogger…relief! From the letter sent out:
Are we open to an authentic celebration? Of course we are. In the months ahead, we hope the present junior and senior classes will work with us and you to create a celebration consistent witht the past four years at Chaminade high School. However, some may choose to ignore the real issues — after all “let boys be boys.” We will not be a part of that. At Chaminade, we are about creating men of integrity and value. If you want to send the wrong message to your son, do so without us.”
“Posted by Amy Welborn”
Beyond reform is probably correct.
I think cancelling Prom was probably the only way to cut this Gordian Knot.
You Go, Fr. Williams!
go to Toronto with your friends – the drinking age is 18
I think your thinking of Quebec, where it’s 18. In Ontario the drinking age is 19.
Realist (Amy Welborn):
You may want to point out to your nephew that “the worst that can happen” is a celebration and glorification of mortal sin, not just “learning the consequences of his actions via experience.” There are better ways to learn such lessons!
Thank you, BillyHW! I did indeed forget the middle of the sentence. The two choice destinations are Toronto and Montreal.
This is why our prom (Christian Brothers HS, Memphis) is on a boat. You come late and you get to have your prom in the dark on the bluff…you want to leave early and you have to be a REALLY good swimmer. And apart from the practical considerations, being out on the river on a Southern spring night is very pleasant in and of itself.