One of my favorite secular commentators is Judith Martin, also known as Miss Manners. Martin often has a wildly hilarious, yet absolutely commonsense take on the details of everyday life. As a Catholic apologist, easily the bulk of the questions I get are on marriage, annulment, and weddings, so this article on planning weddings made me howl with laughter and nod with agreement:
"Have you considered doing something unusual and individualistic at your wedding — not personalizing it?
[…]
"But none of these advantages [mentioned in the column] is the reason Miss Manners urges bridal couples not to think of their weddings as opportunities to showcase themselves. The real reason is that despite what you think, and despite what you have been urged to think by the wedding industry, your wedding is not ‘about you.’
"Your courtship is about you, and your marriage will be about you. And unless you drag all your wedding guests off to an exotic destination, your wedding trip will be about you.
"But a wedding is about your public entrance into the civic and often religious rituals of the society. Its emotional strength comes from long continuity — knowing that you are repeating the steps of those who preceded you and those who will follow.
"It is a shame to trade that rich and momentous step for Madison and Brad’s Day to Show Off."
GET THE STORY. (If bothered by the Evil Registration Requirement, use BugMeNot.com.)
A Catholic might add a bit more to this, such as pointing out, as Fulton Sheen did in his book Three To Get Married, God’s role in the production, but Martin’s basic analysis is definitely spot-on.
Loved reading Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior! She’s a hoot. My sister in law objects that she doesn’t answer questions on moral grounds, but Miss Manners says she doesn’t because that’s not what they asked for. I really like her perspective.
As a Catholic apologist, easily the bulk of the questions I get are on marriage, annulment, and weddings
Why? Those don’t seem to relate to “apologetics” as much as “canon law”. Do you tell people that when they ask you about annulments?
“Those [questions] don’t seem to relate to ‘apologetics’ as much as ‘canon law.’ Do you tell people that when they ask you about annulments?”
If they have questions about canon law that are too complicated for me to answer, yes. In such cases, I will usually refer them to their local diocese’s marriage tribunal or to the St. Joseph Foundation. However, most inquirers usually want to know if they need to seek an annulment for themselves or if they can go to so-and-so’s wedding. Those are questions with which I can usually assist them.
Great piece, Michelle. Thanks for sharing!