Okay, I’ve Been Episode Three’d

Just got back from seeing Episode III.

It’s clearly the best of the prequel trilogy–by a longshot.

What surprised me most about it is that, despite its listed running time of 146 minutes, the movie itself is only 26 minutes long, after you sit through two hours of previews. Doesn’t take Annakin harly any time to fall at all. Hope they don’t put all the previews on the DVD to fill up space.

Okay, I’m kidding about that of course. They won’t put the previews on the DVD.

And the movie also is really 146 minutes long, it just feels like you sit through two hours of previews first.

Episode III is, as I said, the best of the prequel trilogy. It succeeds in the chief tasks it sets for itself, which are considerable.

First and foremost, it has to find a convincing way to make Annakin turn to the Dark Side–something a lot more convincing than the "temptation" Luke gets put through in Episode VI. Ranting about the "true nature" and "power" of the Dark Side ain’t gonna do it. There has to be something more than that to make a convincing turn from good to evil.

The trick is harder than you’d think because of the extreme nature of the turn that has to be made. It’s not like getting somebody to cheat on his taxes. They’ve got to take Annakin Skywalker from being a little resentful to being a full-blown, black-wearin’, helmet-sportin’, Jedi-killin’, voice-raspin’ Supervillain.

What makes that so hard?

Well, people who are supervillains generally don’t believe that. Like everybody else, they like to think of themselves and what they are doing as good, and it’s hard to make Darth Vader-level evil look good.

The film thus has the challenge of taking us far enough into Annakin’s perspective to make what he’s doing seem intelligible, but not so far into it that we end up believing that the Jedi are evil and need to be wiped out.

The movie succeeds far, far better than I thought.

In fact, in some ways it succeeds a little too well, though there’ll be time to talk about that on another occasion, once folks have had a chance to see the movie.

I think there are flaws, though. Up to the point that Annakin actually turns to the Dark Side the movie is firing on all cylinders. Just after this, though, there is a scene in which Annakin formalizes his commitment to the Dark Side that I don’t think works as well. And then Annakin goes and does something so evil that, frankly, I could have done without it. It exceeds the bounds of what is believable in terms of sane human motivation and one can only be explained upon some kind of Dark Side mental compulsion that ain’t spelled out explicitly in the movie.

I would have handled things a little differently. Lucas has Annakin’s initial conversion to the Dark Side (which is quite intelligible) occur earlier than his final descent into total, irrational supervillainry, and I would have had the descent bridging the two be more even and gradual than what the film gives us.

Despite this, the movie does achieve its primary goal: Getting Annakin to break with the Light Side and embrace the Dark Side believably.

The movie also achieves its secondary objective, which is tying up the significant loose ends: How do Luke and Leia get born? How are they separated? How do the Jedi fall? What’s the sequence of events leading Yoda an Obi-Wan to go into exile? Why does the Emperor look so icky in the original trilogy? What’s with the "becoming one with the Force" bit? What is the confusing prophecy of "Bringing balance to the Force" supposed to mean in practical terms? Why doesn’t C-3P0 remember any of this? And most importantly: How Does Darth Get Physically Transformed Into A Half-Machine Icon Of Darkness And Why Doesn’t He Know About Luke And Leia?

The answers to some of these are obvious, but we still need to see them happen. Others are things fans have speculated on for years. The film manages to achieve these quite well, though at the price of introducing one notable departure from established continuity (something mentioned in a scene in Episode VI).

I’m prepared to accept the departure from continuity, though, as I think it serves the overall plot and makes the story of Episode III more believable. If Lucas hadn’t departed from continuity on this one point, it would have been harder to pull off the ending of the film.

The film’s third goal–like always–is to dazzle us with action, and it does that, though I’m probably not the best person to describe action scenes as my focus is more on plot and character.

It’s final major goal–also as always–is to be visually stunning, and it certainly is that. People are right when they say that this movie is more visually stunning than any previous Star Wars film. Not in every scene, mind you, but overall, it is. We get a raft of new visually dymanic worlds to look at–some (unfortunately) seen only in passing during the fall of the Jedi.

A favorite of mine are some scenes in which Obi-Wan is mounted on a Giant Battle Iguana-Chicken What Goes "Awp! Awp!" (It’s better than it sounds.)

We also get to (briefly) see the Wookies in action in their home environment, which can only call-up regrets about what Episode VI should have shown us. (Lucas originally planned for the forrest moon of Endor to be inhabited by Wookiees, but changed his mind, cut them in half, made them more teddy-bear like, and called them Ewoks–Wook-iee —-> Eee-wok, Get It?)

The acting has also improved, though it’s still poor. Ewan McGregor kicks butt as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Yoda is okay. Samuel L. Jackson still comes off as flat to me, but Hayden Christiansen’s acting has literally doubled in quality since Episode II. Unfortunately, since his acting score last time was only 2.0 out of 10.0 possible, he’s still only up to 4.0 out of 10.0.

There are other things about the film that I’d nitpick, but there will be time for that later after folks have seen it, and these don’t fundamentally distract from the fact that this is without a doubt the best of the prequel trilogy.

I need to see it a second time before I try to compare it to the films of the first trilogy (though I strongly suspect I’ll conclude that it’s better than Episode VI, which is infested with teddy bears and lame attempts at conversion to the Dark Side, among other things).

NOTE: I know folks are likely to want to talk about this film, but since many have not seen it yet, please keep the combox for this post a SPOILER FREE ZONE. Comments with spoilers will be DELETED. I’ll create another post with a combox for spoiler-laden discussion for those who have already seen the film.

FDA Considers Approving Droud?

In Larry Niven’s "Known Space" series he refers to a device called a "tasp" that is used to electrically stimulate the pleasure center of someone’s brain. You point the tasp at the person (e.g., from a place of hiding) and activate it, causing the person to experience the most intense pleasure possible and thus "make their day." (It’s apparently common to do this in public parks in the 30th century.)

Unfortunately, people get addicted to this kind of pleasure and many go get a surgically-implanted version of the tasp known as a "droud" stuck in their heads.

They then act just like those mice whose pleasure centers we’ve wired so that the mice can get pleasure by pushing a lever. The mice thereafter won’t do anything but push the lever. It totally ruins their lives.

Droud-addicts or "wireheads" as they are known, are the same. Niven’s hero Louis Wu, who for a time in his life is a wirehead, has to have his droud set up with a timer so complicated that he can’t simply reactive the droud. He thus gets a little additional time between pleasure sessions to do things like . . . eat and stuff.

Eventually Louis Wu gets off the wire, meaning that he’s bested the greatest form of addiction ever known to mankind, but it’s hard for him.

Now the FDA is considering approving something like a droud for depressed people in the real world.

Mind you, it’s a low-grade 20th century one. It stimulates the vagus nerve (not the pleasure center directly) that connects up to various parts of the brain. And despite glowing testimonials from some users, there is doubt about whether the thing even works.

But still . . .

GET THE STORY.

Ticket Trouble

So I was trying to use MovieFone to buy tickets for Episode III this morning, and I’m listening to this electronic dude doing over-the-top gung-ho AM radio announcer voice stylings and trying to navigate to the tickets I want to purchase.

I start with the tiny, out-of-the-way theater just down the street where I like to see movies and can avoid huge Mall crowds–though this particular movie on this particular weekend will undoubtedly be crowded. I get through to the right set of data and it tells me today’s remaining showtimes for the film. Then it lists a number of options like choose an additional theater, choose a different movie, or choose a different day.

No option to buy tickets.

I listen to the menu again just to make sure.

No option to buy tickets.

Presumably this is because the theater is old and they don’t have one of those stick-in-your-credit-card-to-get-your-tickets droids installed at the theater. (At least I can’t remember seeing one there.)

But if they’re not going to sell me tickets, why don’t they tell me that? How hard could it be to work a "We’re sorry, but this theater does not have tickets available for purchase by phone" message into the voicemail structure? At least then their patrons wouldn’t be at a loss for what to do when the purchase ticket option isn’t presented.

So I hang up and call back and pick a different theater.

This one has tickets available for purchase!

So I select my showtime and it says:

"Please enter the number of bargain tickets you wish to purchase."

I select 0 since don’t have any special discounts from having a coupon or being a college student or anything and so I figure on paying for a standard adult ticket.

"Please select the number of childrens’ tickets you wish to purchase."

0.

"Please select the number of senior tickets you wish to purchase."

0.

"You have made an invalid selection. Please try again."

To make sure I haven’t hit the wrong key by mistake and told it that I want * senior tickets or # senior tickets, I walk through the selections again–bargain, childrens, senior–telling it I don’t want any of these. I just want one adult ticket.

"You have made an invalid selection. Please try again."

Apparently the showtime I selected was early enough in the day that there are ONLY bargain tickets, childrens tickets, and senior tickets. There are NO standard adult tickets available for purchase and they expect adults to buy bargain tickets at this time of day. (Either that or the call ALL adult tickets "bargain" tickets in an attempt to get adults to think they’re getting a bargain.)

But if this is the case, why don’t they tell me that? How hard can it be to add a message to the voicemail saying "The time of day you have selected offers bargain tickets instead of standard adult tickets. Please select the number of bargain tickets you wish to purchase."

MovieFone, I’m glad you’re there, but you’ve got a ways to go.

And take the smug tone out of your prerecorded voice. Talk to me like a human being, not a victim of AM radio. I’m calling because I want to see a movie. You don’t need to go into hyper-salesman mode to get me to see one.

Classics Of Internet Humor 6

Following Freaky Friday, it’s now Sci-Fi Saturday and Sci-Fi Sunday here on the blog, so here goes . . .

I forget whether someone e-mailed this to me after Episode I or Episode II was released (I think it was episode I), but it’s all over the ‘Net, so in honor of the release of Episode III, we present:

You might be a redneck Jedi if . . .

  1. You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y’all."
  2. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.
  3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm
    Strawberry Hill.
  4. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.
  5. You have bantha horns on the front of your land speeder.
  6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.
  7. You have ever had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.
  8. You ever lost a hand during a light saber fight because you had to spit.
  9. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.
  10. Wookies are offended by your B.O.
  11. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t
    have to wait for a commercial.
  12. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.
  13. Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to the dark
    side…it’ll be a hoot."
  14. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy
    to get the barbecue grill to light.
  15. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.
  16. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a
    pretty good handle on how to treat his women.
  17. You have ever accidentally referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as "them
    damn Yankees."
  18. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.
  19. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with red wood deck.
  20. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the
    cantina scene.

I don’t approve of all these, but some are reall funny. My favorite is #13.

Add your own in the combox! (But keep it clean.)

Friday Photo Caption

SOURCE.

STARTING CAPTIONS:

1) Uh . . . Is All This Orthodontic Gear Really Necessary?

2) So . . . Like My New Hat?

3) What, This Old Thing? . . . Just Something I Threw On.

4) Red And Gold Are My Favorite Colors. Why Do You Ask?

5) I Know Some Folks Are Into "Noble Simplicity," Put Personally I Prefer Noble Ostentation.

6) What Do You Mean I’m Scaring The Children?

Rogue Planet

There’s a first season episode of Star Trek Enterprise (now out on DVD so I finally got to see it since I had the dinkiest cable in the world when the show first aired and didn’t get UPN) called "Rogue Planet," in which the crew of the Enterprise finds a . . . rogue planet–that is, a planet with no sun.

Surprisingly, this planet has life on it, its biosphere being fueled by heat from within the planet.

Now, we’ve seen Thomas Gold’s idea that there’s a "deep, hot biosphere" down in the Earth and that, in his view, one is likely to be found on any other planet possessing hydrocarbons and enough heat for liquid water, so what about . . .

FREAKY IDEA #5

From the WIRED interview (sorry for delaying the link, but I didn’t want everybody to go read all the freaky ideas before I could introduce them):


If meteorites can move material from one planet to another, do you think that life could have moved between the deep biospheres?

Yes. I also believe there may be a huge number of bodies that are
like planets that are not tied to stars. All we know is that we are
tied to a star. And we’ve seen a few other stars like ours. But that is
no reason for thinking that the formation of planetary bodies needs a
star. It’s only because that’s the only place where we’ve been able to
look. If you had an Earth-sized body floating by itself through space,
we would not have had any chance to observe it.


But its deep biosphere could keep ticking.

Ticking as it has here for billions of years.


So life could spread not just within solar systems but over greater distances?

Yes.

Now, I noted this in the first post in this series, but some may have missed it, so let me repost

THE BIG RED DISCLAIMER: I have no idea if
the abiogenic theory of the origin of petroleum is correct. I’m not
advocating this theory or any other theory of Thomas Gold. I’m
presenting interesting ideas for consideration. Nothing more.

And thus Freaky Friday draws to a close here on the blog.

(Except for the photo caption that’s about to go up.)

Star Wars III-A: Attack of the Virus

As you know, Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith is now in theaters. I hope to see the movie sometime this weekend. Some diehard fans of the film couldn’t wait for the weekend. Their desire to be at the theater on opening night led to a strange malady that forced many to call in sick today:

"For some in the tech industry, the chance to see Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith in its opening couple of days is just not something they’re willing to pass up—at any cost.

"And while that early viewing may be a badge of honor for geeks around the world, the ‘Star Wars flu’ may pull down productivity figures, analysts warned.

"’There’s nothing like being here for the first showing,’ said an IT manager for a financial brokerage firm on Wednesday, while standing in line in front of the Metreon theater complex in San Francisco.

"He had called in sick in order to see the midnight showing on the DLP (digital light processing) cinema screen. After spending quite a few hours in the cold and drizzle, he added that he might not make it to his job on Thursday, as he felt a ‘second day’ of his cold coming on."

GET THE STORY.

Amazing, isn’t it, how a long-anticipated film can be a carrier of the cold-and-flu virus.

Seriously though, what is it about grown men and women that too many of them seem never to have heard of the concept of delayed gratification? Instead of figuring "Hey, I’ve waited six years for the final episode of the prequel trilogy; I can wait another day or two and catch the movie this weekend," the thought processes are more like, "Must … see … NOW!"

Patience is an underrated virtue in our society, I’m afraid.

Purity Control

Y’know how on The X-Files they found a Martian meterorite (like the one in real life) that seemed to have traces of life in it?

The life lived in pores in the rock and was bound up with black oil. It later turned out to be an extraterrestrial life form inhabiting oil all over the Earth that was the reduced essence of an alien civilization bent on re-colonizing the Earth and wiping out the human race, which is in fact descended from the black oil life form, so we’ve all got its DNA in our DNA.

The name of the black oil life stuff was "Purity." And the human project to control it was called "Purity Control."

Purity was found on Earth but, as the Martian meteorite in an early episode showed, it was also found on Mars, and presumably other planets.

Earlier today we examined Thomas Gold’s theory that oil does not derive from decayed living matter but is instead a substance left over from the formation fo the Earth. We also looked at his theory that there are microbial life forms deep in the Earth feeding off the oil and forming a "deep, hot biosphere" that is the origin of the life living on the Earth’s surface, including us.

Kinder similar to what happened on the X-Files except that this is only here on Earth, not other planets.

FREAKY IDEA #4

Gold thinks this happens all over the place, including seemingly lifeless celestial bodies such as (possibly) the Moon.

From his WIRED interview (link forthcoming):

As I understand it, you think that any planetary body that’s warm enough for liquid water at some depth, and that has hydrocarbons in it, will have a deep biosphere. So there could be life inside the moon.

What we know about the moon is quite remarkable. The astronauts of the Apollo program left behind a gadget that measures molecular weights. There were a few deep earthquakes measured, and in association with those earthquakes there was always a molecular mass of 16 recorded by the instrument. Now the people who don’t know any chemistry then responded saying, Well, that’s oxygen. But it’s no good telling me it was oxygen atoms because an oxygen atom could not go a centimeter through cracks in the rock. What fairly stable molecule have we got that has mass 16? Methane.

So it is warm enough for life in the moon. Mars is undoubtedly a better candidate because it’s larger and has more internal heat. Then there are the satellites of the major planets, also Triton, Pluto, Charon, and the larger asteroids that have big black markings on them. Not Venus or Mercury – there the water would disappear altogether.

In my first paper on the subject I advised that one should go down the deep valley on Mars and to the landslides that have come off its walls in the hope of finding solid material residue that we have identified as coming from microbial action.


The current Mars program is focused on what are taken to be previously wet environments – lake beds and the like.

That is complete nonsense.


How did you feel when you first heard the claims about ALH 84001, the meteorite from Mars in which some people saw signs of life?

I think immediately the first information was that there were small grains of magnetite in there, and sulfides, and there was oil in there.


What they called polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons?

That’s oil. Sulfides and magnetite were immediately reported, all close together. And there was a calcite cement. All these things are typical of what you find down boreholes. To my mind they have a much stronger case than the one they made for saying this is biological.

Okay, one last freaky shoe to drop.

Ubbo-Sathla

In another of his stories ("Ubbo-Sathla"), Clark Ashton Smith describes a critterthing that is the source of life on Earth. It dwelt at the dawn of our planet’s history, and he named it "Ubbo-Sathla." Here is how he described it:

There, in the grey beginning of Earth, the formless mass that was Ubbo-Sathla
reposed amid the slime and the vapors. Headless, without organs or members, it
sloughed from its oozy sides, in a slow, ceaseless wave, the amoebic forms that
were the archetypes of earthly life. Horrible it was, if there had been aught to
apprehend the horror; and loathsome, if there had been any to feel loathing.

In a previous post, I mentioned to you another of Smith’s oozy life-begetting masses, Abhoth. While Smith seemed to have a thing for oozy masses in his fiction, one thing that distinguishes these two is that Abhoth is not identified as the origin of terrestrial life, while Ubbo-Sathla is. Abhoth just sits down in his cave fissioning off weird, misshapen creatures.

But what if Ubbo-Sathla and Abhoth were the same thing?

FREAKY IDEA #3

Thomas Gold posits the existence of a "deep, hot biosphere" down in the Earth that out-masses the biosphere living on top of the Earth.

How did the deep, hot biosphere get down there? Did microbes seep down from the surface biosphere to colonize the Earth’s innards?

No according to Gold.

From his WIRED interview (link forthcoming):


And you believe that the oily depths where you found magnetite represent the environment where life on Earth began?

Yes. You can only suppose the origin of life in circumstances where there is no direct access to the source of at least one of the components that you require. If you have the common story of the warm pond on the surface, then all of the things that are needed will be accessible to whatever microbes there are. So they will multiply exponentially up to the limit of the food supply. That means that in a flash the whole thing is done and they are all dead. There has to be a process of metering out at least one of the components so it’s impossible to eat up everything at once. The hydrocarbons from the mantle provide that metered supply. If life developed down below, it could later crawl up to the surface and invent photosynthesis.

Now for the third shoe to drop.