A reader writes:
I was wondering if you might be able to help me with a problem that has been plaguing me for months now – and only seems to be getting much, much worse.
I think I’m suffering from a case of scruples – and my latest challenge has been trying to determine a boundary between what movies and television shows are appropriate and inappropriate to watch. Of course, I avoid watching blatantly dirty movies and television – but I started to wonder (and torture myself over) where the line can be drawn. As far as television is concerned, I wouldn’t watch something like Sex in the City because, in my opinion, the content of that show offers nothing except a sense of "see, everyone is doing it" to those who chose to live an immoral lifestyle…but what about a show I have always loved (although is sometimes a little racy) Seinfeld? Why is that appropriate for me to watch, or is it?
Then, as far as movies are concerned, how dirty is too dirty? I know to avoid movies with hard-core nudity and pornographic love scenes, but should I also avoid every movie that contains the flashing of a naked bosom, a glimpse of a buttock, the suggestion of promiscuity? Or is it possible to draw a boundary between the dirty movie and the less dirty movie??
I have asked my husband and family members, and no one seems to be able to give me a solid answer. Everyone keeps telling me that I’m being silly and over-sensitive, but I absolutely cannot rid myself of the feeling that I am going to be eternally damned for watching something that seems as harmless as Seinfeld. I have been driving my husband more and more insane as my sensitivity grows (although so far he has been a pretty good sport about it). I won’t watch our favorite tv shows because an immoral situation might come up, or this movie because it may have a dirty scene, or this movie because it shows a woman’s bare bosom through her shirt…it goes on and on…
Can you shed any light on this problem for me??
Yes, I had this problem, too, when I was a relatively new Christian and started scrupuling over where to draw the line. It’s common for folks to go through phases like this, so don’t worry about it. It’s normal.
The key to understanding what is not okay for you to watch is figuring out when you will be tempted to sin due to the content that you are exposed to. That’s the reason it becomes immoral to watch something.
It does not matter if you see (or hear or read about) someone doing something immoral as long as you are not tempted to do something immoral as a result.
For example: The Bible recounts stories in which it mentions people who burn their children to the pagan god Moloch.
Now: If you are a recovering Moloch-worshipper and could be tempted to burn your children to Moloch if you read those passages then you should not read them.
But if you are not a recovering Moloch-worshipper–if you are a person with a normal, non-Moloch-worshipping background–then you are very, very, very unlikely to be tempted to burn your children to Moloch (or anybody else) by reading such passages. As a result, they are safe for you. In fact, such passages are likely to actually strengthen your resolve not to be a Moloch-worshipper because of the fact that Moloch-worshippers do disgusting things like burn their children to him.
Same principle goes for everything else: If it tempts you such that you are likely to sin then you should avoid it. If it doesn’t, then it’s not a problem.
So: If your favorite TV programs or movies you want to see contain material that make it likely that you will go out and commit a sexually immoral act then you shouldn’t watch them.
Similarly: If they make it likely that you will willfully fantasize about committing such an act then you shouldn’t watch them.
If they make slight moments of temptation that you can easily resist pass through your mind then we are into relatively safe territory.
If they cause you to be revulsed by the immoral things characters are doing then we’re definitely on safe ground.
I’ve never really watched Seinfeld. I saw enough of it to realize that it wasn’t my cup of tea. I thought the characters in it were too cruel and amoral for the kind of comedy I enjoy. (Though I did think the Soup Nazi bit I saw was funny: "No soup for you!") But unless Seinfeld is tempting you to do or willfulling fantasize about doing gravely immoral stuff then you certainly will not be eternally damned for watching it.
Similarly, you being a woman, a movie with a woman’s bare breast showing through her shirt is not very likely to tempt you into doing or willfully fantasizing about anything gravely immoral. (Your husband is a different story, but let him be the judge of that; do not try to make that decision for him, especially while in a scrupulous state.)
It also is not reasonable to refuse to watch (or read or listen to) something because a temptation might come up. Temptations are going to come up in life. You can’t stop them from doing so. Even if you put yourself in a sensory deprivation tank, your own mind would manufacture its own temptations.
If we try to utterly avoid all temptation then we will end up hurting ourselves. Just think of how impoverished your life would be if you lived in a sensory deprivation tank and never got to see your husband (and children, if you have any).
What we have to do is take a risk-management approach to temptation. Life involves risk, and temptation is one such risk. We have to make the best judgment call we can based on the info we have. If what we know about a TV show/movie/book/whatever tells us that it will pose a significant temptation to us then we should avoid it.
Otherwise, we should not be scrupulous about it.
I should note that if we expose ourselves to a lot of material containing risk-laden material then it can have a cumulative, corrosive effect over a long period of time, and that is a danger to watch out for. (I.e., getting us to lower our threshold little by little until we are vulnerable to temptations that we didn’t used to be.)
But this is not the position you are in right now. You’re currently suffering from scruples so far as you can tell. The opposite danger–laxism–is one to watch out for, but you can’t let the danger of laxism drive you further into scrupulosity. The thing to do is try to get a balanced, healthy appraisal of things–and maintain it.
That means accepting some risks but rejecting others. Over time, if you try to be self-reflective about what poses a significant temptation to you and what doesn’t, you’ll figure it out.
Good luck, and good viewing!
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