How to Dismiss Any Catholic Argument

(A Fundamentalist’s Catechism)

by James Akin and Steven D. Greydanus

In his book A Pilgrim’s Regress, C. S. Lewis presents us with a character named Master Parrot–a boy who has been taught a catechism allowing him to dismiss any argument with which he is presented.

Questions in Master Parrot’s catechism have the form “How do you answer any argument proving the existence of God?” and answers have the form “You say that because you are a Christian.” Just for good measure, Master Parrot is asked the question “How do you answer an argument proving that two plus two equals four?” The answer, Master Parrot tells us, is “You say that because you are a mathematician.”

In the same spirit, we offer here a short catechism for use by Fundamentalists who may find themselves temporarily stymied at how to dismiss a particular argument supporting the Catholic faith:

Q 1: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument involving a passage from the Old Testament?

A 1: “That argument is based on the Old Testament. It therefore is not relevant to the present age.”

Q 2: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument involving a passage from the Gospels, including anything Jesus said up to the time of the Crucifixion?

A 1: “That argument deals with a time prior to the death of Christ. It therefore is not relevant to the present age.”

Q 3: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument involving a passage from the Crucifixion through the first chapter of Acts?

A 3: “That argument deals with the time before Pentecost and the beginning of the Church age. It therefore is not relevant to the present age.”

Q 4: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument involving a passage from the remainder of the book of Acts or the remainder of the New Testament?

A 4: “That argument deals with the apostolic age, before the canon was closed. It therefore is not relevant to the present age.”

Q 5: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument involving passages from the writings of the early Church Fathers?

A 5: “That argument is based on things after the close of the canon. It therefore is not theologically binding on us.”

Q 6: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument based on an appeal to logic and common sense?

A 6: “That argument is based on philosophy and vain deceit and not on the Word of God. It therefore is not theologically binding on us.”

Q 7: What should you say to dismiss a Catholic argument you are not otherwise sure how to dismiss?

A 7: “You are just assuming that out of pro-Catholic bias. You don’t have any evidence for that. It is totally unbiblical.”

We hope this helps!

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